\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n
\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n
\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n
\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
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The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
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<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people should know that according to the law of cause and effect, when you gain something from others, you must pay it back sooner or later. When you borrow money from others, you can spend more than what you earn. Later, however, you must face the consequence of having to pay back the money. If we benefit from others, they will see it as a loss and demand something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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In most cases, how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you are very different. Of course, we cannot be definitive about which perspective is a more objective. However, it is safe to say other people\u2019s perception of you is usually more objective than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people should know that according to the law of cause and effect, when you gain something from others, you must pay it back sooner or later. When you borrow money from others, you can spend more than what you earn. Later, however, you must face the consequence of having to pay back the money. If we benefit from others, they will see it as a loss and demand something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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If the wife of the man who is in the process of getting a divorce were asked, \u201cIs your husband understanding or opinionated?\u201d She would probably answer, \u201cHe is very opinionated.\u201d If she were asked, \u201cIs your husband selfish or devoted?\u201d She would probably respond that he is selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In most cases, how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you are very different. Of course, we cannot be definitive about which perspective is a more objective. However, it is safe to say other people\u2019s perception of you is usually more objective than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people should know that according to the law of cause and effect, when you gain something from others, you must pay it back sooner or later. When you borrow money from others, you can spend more than what you earn. Later, however, you must face the consequence of having to pay back the money. If we benefit from others, they will see it as a loss and demand something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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When the wife says \u201cYou get angry and irritated very easily.\u201d the husband will generally retort, \u201cWhy do you think I get angry? When did I get irritated? I got angry because you got angry.\u201d People usually don\u2019t realize how they are expressing their emotions and how they are acting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the wife of the man who is in the process of getting a divorce were asked, \u201cIs your husband understanding or opinionated?\u201d She would probably answer, \u201cHe is very opinionated.\u201d If she were asked, \u201cIs your husband selfish or devoted?\u201d She would probably respond that he is selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In most cases, how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you are very different. Of course, we cannot be definitive about which perspective is a more objective. However, it is safe to say other people\u2019s perception of you is usually more objective than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people should know that according to the law of cause and effect, when you gain something from others, you must pay it back sooner or later. When you borrow money from others, you can spend more than what you earn. Later, however, you must face the consequence of having to pay back the money. If we benefit from others, they will see it as a loss and demand something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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The biggest reason behind marital conflict is that both the husband and wife insist they are right. When the wife says to her husband, \u201cYou\u2019re stubborn.\u201d he does not realize that he is being stubborn. He believes that he is right, so he responds \u201cI\u2019m not being stubborn, I am just expressing my thoughts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the wife says \u201cYou get angry and irritated very easily.\u201d the husband will generally retort, \u201cWhy do you think I get angry? When did I get irritated? I got angry because you got angry.\u201d People usually don\u2019t realize how they are expressing their emotions and how they are acting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the wife of the man who is in the process of getting a divorce were asked, \u201cIs your husband understanding or opinionated?\u201d She would probably answer, \u201cHe is very opinionated.\u201d If she were asked, \u201cIs your husband selfish or devoted?\u201d She would probably respond that he is selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In most cases, how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you are very different. Of course, we cannot be definitive about which perspective is a more objective. However, it is safe to say other people\u2019s perception of you is usually more objective than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people should know that according to the law of cause and effect, when you gain something from others, you must pay it back sooner or later. When you borrow money from others, you can spend more than what you earn. Later, however, you must face the consequence of having to pay back the money. If we benefit from others, they will see it as a loss and demand something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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A couple may end up getting a divorce. It\u2019s not important whether one gets divorced or not. What\u2019s important is for people to reflect on themselves and the reasons for getting divorced. That way, they will not repeat the mistakes in future relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The biggest reason behind marital conflict is that both the husband and wife insist they are right. When the wife says to her husband, \u201cYou\u2019re stubborn.\u201d he does not realize that he is being stubborn. He believes that he is right, so he responds \u201cI\u2019m not being stubborn, I am just expressing my thoughts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the wife says \u201cYou get angry and irritated very easily.\u201d the husband will generally retort, \u201cWhy do you think I get angry? When did I get irritated? I got angry because you got angry.\u201d People usually don\u2019t realize how they are expressing their emotions and how they are acting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the wife of the man who is in the process of getting a divorce were asked, \u201cIs your husband understanding or opinionated?\u201d She would probably answer, \u201cHe is very opinionated.\u201d If she were asked, \u201cIs your husband selfish or devoted?\u201d She would probably respond that he is selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In most cases, how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you are very different. Of course, we cannot be definitive about which perspective is a more objective. However, it is safe to say other people\u2019s perception of you is usually more objective than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people should know that according to the law of cause and effect, when you gain something from others, you must pay it back sooner or later. When you borrow money from others, you can spend more than what you earn. Later, however, you must face the consequence of having to pay back the money. If we benefit from others, they will see it as a loss and demand something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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P<\/strong>: \u201cI still have lingering emotions such as misunderstanding, hatred, agony, and anger towards my wife.\u201d This is a story of a man who was in the process of getting a divorce. He said that he was calmer than when he first decided to get divorced, but he still had negative feelings towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple may end up getting a divorce. It\u2019s not important whether one gets divorced or not. What\u2019s important is for people to reflect on themselves and the reasons for getting divorced. That way, they will not repeat the mistakes in future relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The biggest reason behind marital conflict is that both the husband and wife insist they are right. When the wife says to her husband, \u201cYou\u2019re stubborn.\u201d he does not realize that he is being stubborn. He believes that he is right, so he responds \u201cI\u2019m not being stubborn, I am just expressing my thoughts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the wife says \u201cYou get angry and irritated very easily.\u201d the husband will generally retort, \u201cWhy do you think I get angry? When did I get irritated? I got angry because you got angry.\u201d People usually don\u2019t realize how they are expressing their emotions and how they are acting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the wife of the man who is in the process of getting a divorce were asked, \u201cIs your husband understanding or opinionated?\u201d She would probably answer, \u201cHe is very opinionated.\u201d If she were asked, \u201cIs your husband selfish or devoted?\u201d She would probably respond that he is selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In most cases, how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you are very different. Of course, we cannot be definitive about which perspective is a more objective. However, it is safe to say other people\u2019s perception of you is usually more objective than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people should know that according to the law of cause and effect, when you gain something from others, you must pay it back sooner or later. When you borrow money from others, you can spend more than what you earn. Later, however, you must face the consequence of having to pay back the money. If we benefit from others, they will see it as a loss and demand something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: \u201cI still have lingering emotions such as misunderstanding, hatred, agony, and anger towards my wife.\u201d This is a story of a man who was in the process of getting a divorce. He said that he was calmer than when he first decided to get divorced, but he still had negative feelings towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple may end up getting a divorce. It\u2019s not important whether one gets divorced or not. What\u2019s important is for people to reflect on themselves and the reasons for getting divorced. That way, they will not repeat the mistakes in future relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The biggest reason behind marital conflict is that both the husband and wife insist they are right. When the wife says to her husband, \u201cYou\u2019re stubborn.\u201d he does not realize that he is being stubborn. He believes that he is right, so he responds \u201cI\u2019m not being stubborn, I am just expressing my thoughts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the wife says \u201cYou get angry and irritated very easily.\u201d the husband will generally retort, \u201cWhy do you think I get angry? When did I get irritated? I got angry because you got angry.\u201d People usually don\u2019t realize how they are expressing their emotions and how they are acting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the wife of the man who is in the process of getting a divorce were asked, \u201cIs your husband understanding or opinionated?\u201d She would probably answer, \u201cHe is very opinionated.\u201d If she were asked, \u201cIs your husband selfish or devoted?\u201d She would probably respond that he is selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In most cases, how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you are very different. Of course, we cannot be definitive about which perspective is a more objective. However, it is safe to say other people\u2019s perception of you is usually more objective than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people should know that according to the law of cause and effect, when you gain something from others, you must pay it back sooner or later. When you borrow money from others, you can spend more than what you earn. Later, however, you must face the consequence of having to pay back the money. If we benefit from others, they will see it as a loss and demand something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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We can\u2019t say for certain that life is good or bad. There are only choices and the responsibilities that come with the choices we make. Taking responsibility for the choices we make is to willingly accept the consequences of our choices. If we readily accept the consequences of our actions, we won\u2019t be miserable or resentful no matter what happens.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Choice And Self-Contradiction","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"choice-and-self-contradiction","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-06-18 18:21:20","post_modified_gmt":"2024-06-18 23:21:20","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19676","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":19174,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-05-14 01:02:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-05-14 06:02:00","post_content":"\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: \u201cI still have lingering emotions such as misunderstanding, hatred, agony, and anger towards my wife.\u201d This is a story of a man who was in the process of getting a divorce. He said that he was calmer than when he first decided to get divorced, but he still had negative feelings towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple may end up getting a divorce. It\u2019s not important whether one gets divorced or not. What\u2019s important is for people to reflect on themselves and the reasons for getting divorced. That way, they will not repeat the mistakes in future relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The biggest reason behind marital conflict is that both the husband and wife insist they are right. When the wife says to her husband, \u201cYou\u2019re stubborn.\u201d he does not realize that he is being stubborn. He believes that he is right, so he responds \u201cI\u2019m not being stubborn, I am just expressing my thoughts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the wife says \u201cYou get angry and irritated very easily.\u201d the husband will generally retort, \u201cWhy do you think I get angry? When did I get irritated? I got angry because you got angry.\u201d People usually don\u2019t realize how they are expressing their emotions and how they are acting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the wife of the man who is in the process of getting a divorce were asked, \u201cIs your husband understanding or opinionated?\u201d She would probably answer, \u201cHe is very opinionated.\u201d If she were asked, \u201cIs your husband selfish or devoted?\u201d She would probably respond that he is selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In most cases, how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you are very different. Of course, we cannot be definitive about which perspective is a more objective. However, it is safe to say other people\u2019s perception of you is usually more objective than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people should know that according to the law of cause and effect, when you gain something from others, you must pay it back sooner or later. When you borrow money from others, you can spend more than what you earn. Later, however, you must face the consequence of having to pay back the money. If we benefit from others, they will see it as a loss and demand something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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There is no right answer in life. We live as we choose to. We hesitate when making choices because we don\u2019t want to be responsible for the consequences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can\u2019t say for certain that life is good or bad. There are only choices and the responsibilities that come with the choices we make. Taking responsibility for the choices we make is to willingly accept the consequences of our choices. If we readily accept the consequences of our actions, we won\u2019t be miserable or resentful no matter what happens.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Choice And Self-Contradiction","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"choice-and-self-contradiction","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-06-18 18:21:20","post_modified_gmt":"2024-06-18 23:21:20","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19676","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":19174,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-05-14 01:02:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-05-14 06:02:00","post_content":"\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: \u201cI still have lingering emotions such as misunderstanding, hatred, agony, and anger towards my wife.\u201d This is a story of a man who was in the process of getting a divorce. He said that he was calmer than when he first decided to get divorced, but he still had negative feelings towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple may end up getting a divorce. It\u2019s not important whether one gets divorced or not. What\u2019s important is for people to reflect on themselves and the reasons for getting divorced. That way, they will not repeat the mistakes in future relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The biggest reason behind marital conflict is that both the husband and wife insist they are right. When the wife says to her husband, \u201cYou\u2019re stubborn.\u201d he does not realize that he is being stubborn. He believes that he is right, so he responds \u201cI\u2019m not being stubborn, I am just expressing my thoughts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the wife says \u201cYou get angry and irritated very easily.\u201d the husband will generally retort, \u201cWhy do you think I get angry? When did I get irritated? I got angry because you got angry.\u201d People usually don\u2019t realize how they are expressing their emotions and how they are acting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the wife of the man who is in the process of getting a divorce were asked, \u201cIs your husband understanding or opinionated?\u201d She would probably answer, \u201cHe is very opinionated.\u201d If she were asked, \u201cIs your husband selfish or devoted?\u201d She would probably respond that he is selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In most cases, how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you are very different. Of course, we cannot be definitive about which perspective is a more objective. However, it is safe to say other people\u2019s perception of you is usually more objective than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people should know that according to the law of cause and effect, when you gain something from others, you must pay it back sooner or later. When you borrow money from others, you can spend more than what you earn. Later, however, you must face the consequence of having to pay back the money. If we benefit from others, they will see it as a loss and demand something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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If we accept our lives as they are, we will become free and happy. If we have a goal that we want to achieve, we have to stop the habit of blindly running forward towards that goal. Rather than resolving to change our behavior starting tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, we have to learn to be happy here and now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no right answer in life. We live as we choose to. We hesitate when making choices because we don\u2019t want to be responsible for the consequences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can\u2019t say for certain that life is good or bad. There are only choices and the responsibilities that come with the choices we make. Taking responsibility for the choices we make is to willingly accept the consequences of our choices. If we readily accept the consequences of our actions, we won\u2019t be miserable or resentful no matter what happens.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Choice And Self-Contradiction","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"choice-and-self-contradiction","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-06-18 18:21:20","post_modified_gmt":"2024-06-18 23:21:20","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19676","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":19174,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-05-14 01:02:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-05-14 06:02:00","post_content":"\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: \u201cI still have lingering emotions such as misunderstanding, hatred, agony, and anger towards my wife.\u201d This is a story of a man who was in the process of getting a divorce. He said that he was calmer than when he first decided to get divorced, but he still had negative feelings towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple may end up getting a divorce. It\u2019s not important whether one gets divorced or not. What\u2019s important is for people to reflect on themselves and the reasons for getting divorced. That way, they will not repeat the mistakes in future relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The biggest reason behind marital conflict is that both the husband and wife insist they are right. When the wife says to her husband, \u201cYou\u2019re stubborn.\u201d he does not realize that he is being stubborn. He believes that he is right, so he responds \u201cI\u2019m not being stubborn, I am just expressing my thoughts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the wife says \u201cYou get angry and irritated very easily.\u201d the husband will generally retort, \u201cWhy do you think I get angry? When did I get irritated? I got angry because you got angry.\u201d People usually don\u2019t realize how they are expressing their emotions and how they are acting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the wife of the man who is in the process of getting a divorce were asked, \u201cIs your husband understanding or opinionated?\u201d She would probably answer, \u201cHe is very opinionated.\u201d If she were asked, \u201cIs your husband selfish or devoted?\u201d She would probably respond that he is selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In most cases, how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you are very different. Of course, we cannot be definitive about which perspective is a more objective. However, it is safe to say other people\u2019s perception of you is usually more objective than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people should know that according to the law of cause and effect, when you gain something from others, you must pay it back sooner or later. When you borrow money from others, you can spend more than what you earn. Later, however, you must face the consequence of having to pay back the money. If we benefit from others, they will see it as a loss and demand something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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If you are married, instead of being dissatisfied and worrying about things, try to think, \u201cI have a wife(husband), a house and a job. I have nothing to envy in the world. My life is the best.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we accept our lives as they are, we will become free and happy. If we have a goal that we want to achieve, we have to stop the habit of blindly running forward towards that goal. Rather than resolving to change our behavior starting tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, we have to learn to be happy here and now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no right answer in life. We live as we choose to. We hesitate when making choices because we don\u2019t want to be responsible for the consequences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can\u2019t say for certain that life is good or bad. There are only choices and the responsibilities that come with the choices we make. Taking responsibility for the choices we make is to willingly accept the consequences of our choices. If we readily accept the consequences of our actions, we won\u2019t be miserable or resentful no matter what happens.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Choice And Self-Contradiction","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"choice-and-self-contradiction","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-06-18 18:21:20","post_modified_gmt":"2024-06-18 23:21:20","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19676","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":19174,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-05-14 01:02:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-05-14 06:02:00","post_content":"\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: \u201cI still have lingering emotions such as misunderstanding, hatred, agony, and anger towards my wife.\u201d This is a story of a man who was in the process of getting a divorce. He said that he was calmer than when he first decided to get divorced, but he still had negative feelings towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple may end up getting a divorce. It\u2019s not important whether one gets divorced or not. What\u2019s important is for people to reflect on themselves and the reasons for getting divorced. That way, they will not repeat the mistakes in future relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The biggest reason behind marital conflict is that both the husband and wife insist they are right. When the wife says to her husband, \u201cYou\u2019re stubborn.\u201d he does not realize that he is being stubborn. He believes that he is right, so he responds \u201cI\u2019m not being stubborn, I am just expressing my thoughts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the wife says \u201cYou get angry and irritated very easily.\u201d the husband will generally retort, \u201cWhy do you think I get angry? When did I get irritated? I got angry because you got angry.\u201d People usually don\u2019t realize how they are expressing their emotions and how they are acting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the wife of the man who is in the process of getting a divorce were asked, \u201cIs your husband understanding or opinionated?\u201d She would probably answer, \u201cHe is very opinionated.\u201d If she were asked, \u201cIs your husband selfish or devoted?\u201d She would probably respond that he is selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In most cases, how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you are very different. Of course, we cannot be definitive about which perspective is a more objective. However, it is safe to say other people\u2019s perception of you is usually more objective than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people should know that according to the law of cause and effect, when you gain something from others, you must pay it back sooner or later. When you borrow money from others, you can spend more than what you earn. Later, however, you must face the consequence of having to pay back the money. If we benefit from others, they will see it as a loss and demand something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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Wealth, fame, family, and friends are neither the causes of suffering nor the conditions of happiness. Sometimes, we think these things make us happy, and at other times, we think they make us suffer. If we go back and forth between these two extremes, we will never be free from suffering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are married, instead of being dissatisfied and worrying about things, try to think, \u201cI have a wife(husband), a house and a job. I have nothing to envy in the world. My life is the best.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we accept our lives as they are, we will become free and happy. If we have a goal that we want to achieve, we have to stop the habit of blindly running forward towards that goal. Rather than resolving to change our behavior starting tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, we have to learn to be happy here and now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no right answer in life. We live as we choose to. We hesitate when making choices because we don\u2019t want to be responsible for the consequences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can\u2019t say for certain that life is good or bad. There are only choices and the responsibilities that come with the choices we make. Taking responsibility for the choices we make is to willingly accept the consequences of our choices. If we readily accept the consequences of our actions, we won\u2019t be miserable or resentful no matter what happens.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Choice And Self-Contradiction","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"choice-and-self-contradiction","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-06-18 18:21:20","post_modified_gmt":"2024-06-18 23:21:20","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19676","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":19174,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-05-14 01:02:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-05-14 06:02:00","post_content":"\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: \u201cI still have lingering emotions such as misunderstanding, hatred, agony, and anger towards my wife.\u201d This is a story of a man who was in the process of getting a divorce. He said that he was calmer than when he first decided to get divorced, but he still had negative feelings towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple may end up getting a divorce. It\u2019s not important whether one gets divorced or not. What\u2019s important is for people to reflect on themselves and the reasons for getting divorced. That way, they will not repeat the mistakes in future relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The biggest reason behind marital conflict is that both the husband and wife insist they are right. When the wife says to her husband, \u201cYou\u2019re stubborn.\u201d he does not realize that he is being stubborn. He believes that he is right, so he responds \u201cI\u2019m not being stubborn, I am just expressing my thoughts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the wife says \u201cYou get angry and irritated very easily.\u201d the husband will generally retort, \u201cWhy do you think I get angry? When did I get irritated? I got angry because you got angry.\u201d People usually don\u2019t realize how they are expressing their emotions and how they are acting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the wife of the man who is in the process of getting a divorce were asked, \u201cIs your husband understanding or opinionated?\u201d She would probably answer, \u201cHe is very opinionated.\u201d If she were asked, \u201cIs your husband selfish or devoted?\u201d She would probably respond that he is selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In most cases, how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you are very different. Of course, we cannot be definitive about which perspective is a more objective. However, it is safe to say other people\u2019s perception of you is usually more objective than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people should know that according to the law of cause and effect, when you gain something from others, you must pay it back sooner or later. When you borrow money from others, you can spend more than what you earn. Later, however, you must face the consequence of having to pay back the money. If we benefit from others, they will see it as a loss and demand something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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People habitually say, \u201cI will be happy when I have money,\u201d or \u201cI will be happy when I get married.\u201d However, they are not happy even though they make money and get married. When they don\u2019t have children, they say \u201cI will be happy when I have a child.\u201d When they have a child, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to elementary school.\u201d When the child goes to elementary school, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to middle school.\u201d When the child goes to middle school, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to college.\u201d When the child goes to college, they still postpone their happiness. They say that they will be happy \u201cwhen the child gets a job,\u201d \u201cwhen the child gets married,\u201d \u201cwhen I have a grandchild,\u201d and then \u201cwhen the grandchild grows up.\u201d Throughout their lives, people change the conditions that they think they need to be happy, so they end up dying without ever having tasted happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wealth, fame, family, and friends are neither the causes of suffering nor the conditions of happiness. Sometimes, we think these things make us happy, and at other times, we think they make us suffer. If we go back and forth between these two extremes, we will never be free from suffering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are married, instead of being dissatisfied and worrying about things, try to think, \u201cI have a wife(husband), a house and a job. I have nothing to envy in the world. My life is the best.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we accept our lives as they are, we will become free and happy. If we have a goal that we want to achieve, we have to stop the habit of blindly running forward towards that goal. Rather than resolving to change our behavior starting tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, we have to learn to be happy here and now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no right answer in life. We live as we choose to. We hesitate when making choices because we don\u2019t want to be responsible for the consequences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can\u2019t say for certain that life is good or bad. There are only choices and the responsibilities that come with the choices we make. Taking responsibility for the choices we make is to willingly accept the consequences of our choices. If we readily accept the consequences of our actions, we won\u2019t be miserable or resentful no matter what happens.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Choice And Self-Contradiction","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"choice-and-self-contradiction","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-06-18 18:21:20","post_modified_gmt":"2024-06-18 23:21:20","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19676","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":19174,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-05-14 01:02:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-05-14 06:02:00","post_content":"\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: \u201cI still have lingering emotions such as misunderstanding, hatred, agony, and anger towards my wife.\u201d This is a story of a man who was in the process of getting a divorce. He said that he was calmer than when he first decided to get divorced, but he still had negative feelings towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple may end up getting a divorce. It\u2019s not important whether one gets divorced or not. What\u2019s important is for people to reflect on themselves and the reasons for getting divorced. That way, they will not repeat the mistakes in future relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The biggest reason behind marital conflict is that both the husband and wife insist they are right. When the wife says to her husband, \u201cYou\u2019re stubborn.\u201d he does not realize that he is being stubborn. He believes that he is right, so he responds \u201cI\u2019m not being stubborn, I am just expressing my thoughts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the wife says \u201cYou get angry and irritated very easily.\u201d the husband will generally retort, \u201cWhy do you think I get angry? When did I get irritated? I got angry because you got angry.\u201d People usually don\u2019t realize how they are expressing their emotions and how they are acting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the wife of the man who is in the process of getting a divorce were asked, \u201cIs your husband understanding or opinionated?\u201d She would probably answer, \u201cHe is very opinionated.\u201d If she were asked, \u201cIs your husband selfish or devoted?\u201d She would probably respond that he is selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In most cases, how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you are very different. Of course, we cannot be definitive about which perspective is a more objective. However, it is safe to say other people\u2019s perception of you is usually more objective than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people should know that according to the law of cause and effect, when you gain something from others, you must pay it back sooner or later. When you borrow money from others, you can spend more than what you earn. Later, however, you must face the consequence of having to pay back the money. If we benefit from others, they will see it as a loss and demand something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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We often do foolish things like the Buddhist monk in the story who lost track of his initial goal. At a time like this, we have two options. One is to forget about our initial goals and live according to the situation we are now in. There is nothing wrong with that. The other is to return to our initial goal the moment we realize we deviated from it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People habitually say, \u201cI will be happy when I have money,\u201d or \u201cI will be happy when I get married.\u201d However, they are not happy even though they make money and get married. When they don\u2019t have children, they say \u201cI will be happy when I have a child.\u201d When they have a child, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to elementary school.\u201d When the child goes to elementary school, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to middle school.\u201d When the child goes to middle school, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to college.\u201d When the child goes to college, they still postpone their happiness. They say that they will be happy \u201cwhen the child gets a job,\u201d \u201cwhen the child gets married,\u201d \u201cwhen I have a grandchild,\u201d and then \u201cwhen the grandchild grows up.\u201d Throughout their lives, people change the conditions that they think they need to be happy, so they end up dying without ever having tasted happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wealth, fame, family, and friends are neither the causes of suffering nor the conditions of happiness. Sometimes, we think these things make us happy, and at other times, we think they make us suffer. If we go back and forth between these two extremes, we will never be free from suffering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are married, instead of being dissatisfied and worrying about things, try to think, \u201cI have a wife(husband), a house and a job. I have nothing to envy in the world. My life is the best.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we accept our lives as they are, we will become free and happy. If we have a goal that we want to achieve, we have to stop the habit of blindly running forward towards that goal. Rather than resolving to change our behavior starting tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, we have to learn to be happy here and now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no right answer in life. We live as we choose to. We hesitate when making choices because we don\u2019t want to be responsible for the consequences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can\u2019t say for certain that life is good or bad. There are only choices and the responsibilities that come with the choices we make. Taking responsibility for the choices we make is to willingly accept the consequences of our choices. If we readily accept the consequences of our actions, we won\u2019t be miserable or resentful no matter what happens.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Choice And Self-Contradiction","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"choice-and-self-contradiction","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-06-18 18:21:20","post_modified_gmt":"2024-06-18 23:21:20","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19676","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":19174,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-05-14 01:02:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-05-14 06:02:00","post_content":"\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: \u201cI still have lingering emotions such as misunderstanding, hatred, agony, and anger towards my wife.\u201d This is a story of a man who was in the process of getting a divorce. He said that he was calmer than when he first decided to get divorced, but he still had negative feelings towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple may end up getting a divorce. It\u2019s not important whether one gets divorced or not. What\u2019s important is for people to reflect on themselves and the reasons for getting divorced. That way, they will not repeat the mistakes in future relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The biggest reason behind marital conflict is that both the husband and wife insist they are right. When the wife says to her husband, \u201cYou\u2019re stubborn.\u201d he does not realize that he is being stubborn. He believes that he is right, so he responds \u201cI\u2019m not being stubborn, I am just expressing my thoughts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the wife says \u201cYou get angry and irritated very easily.\u201d the husband will generally retort, \u201cWhy do you think I get angry? When did I get irritated? I got angry because you got angry.\u201d People usually don\u2019t realize how they are expressing their emotions and how they are acting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the wife of the man who is in the process of getting a divorce were asked, \u201cIs your husband understanding or opinionated?\u201d She would probably answer, \u201cHe is very opinionated.\u201d If she were asked, \u201cIs your husband selfish or devoted?\u201d She would probably respond that he is selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In most cases, how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you are very different. Of course, we cannot be definitive about which perspective is a more objective. However, it is safe to say other people\u2019s perception of you is usually more objective than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people should know that according to the law of cause and effect, when you gain something from others, you must pay it back sooner or later. When you borrow money from others, you can spend more than what you earn. Later, however, you must face the consequence of having to pay back the money. If we benefit from others, they will see it as a loss and demand something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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After hearing this man\u2019s life story, you will probably think that he is very foolish, but most of us live like him. We think that we are always making good choices. However, when we look back later, we can see that tempted by the moment\u2019s comfort and ease, we have forgotten our initial goal and purpose. If a man gets married, he should live accordingly, and if a man leaves home to become a monk, he should also live accordingly. If we have such a clear perspective on life, we will suffer less. However, we are so easily swayed that when things get tough, we say, \u201cMaybe I should become a monk.\u201d Then, after becoming a monk, we envy a layman\u2019s life and say, \u201cPractice is so hard.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We often do foolish things like the Buddhist monk in the story who lost track of his initial goal. At a time like this, we have two options. One is to forget about our initial goals and live according to the situation we are now in. There is nothing wrong with that. The other is to return to our initial goal the moment we realize we deviated from it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People habitually say, \u201cI will be happy when I have money,\u201d or \u201cI will be happy when I get married.\u201d However, they are not happy even though they make money and get married. When they don\u2019t have children, they say \u201cI will be happy when I have a child.\u201d When they have a child, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to elementary school.\u201d When the child goes to elementary school, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to middle school.\u201d When the child goes to middle school, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to college.\u201d When the child goes to college, they still postpone their happiness. They say that they will be happy \u201cwhen the child gets a job,\u201d \u201cwhen the child gets married,\u201d \u201cwhen I have a grandchild,\u201d and then \u201cwhen the grandchild grows up.\u201d Throughout their lives, people change the conditions that they think they need to be happy, so they end up dying without ever having tasted happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wealth, fame, family, and friends are neither the causes of suffering nor the conditions of happiness. Sometimes, we think these things make us happy, and at other times, we think they make us suffer. If we go back and forth between these two extremes, we will never be free from suffering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are married, instead of being dissatisfied and worrying about things, try to think, \u201cI have a wife(husband), a house and a job. I have nothing to envy in the world. My life is the best.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we accept our lives as they are, we will become free and happy. If we have a goal that we want to achieve, we have to stop the habit of blindly running forward towards that goal. Rather than resolving to change our behavior starting tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, we have to learn to be happy here and now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no right answer in life. We live as we choose to. We hesitate when making choices because we don\u2019t want to be responsible for the consequences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can\u2019t say for certain that life is good or bad. There are only choices and the responsibilities that come with the choices we make. Taking responsibility for the choices we make is to willingly accept the consequences of our choices. If we readily accept the consequences of our actions, we won\u2019t be miserable or resentful no matter what happens.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Choice And Self-Contradiction","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"choice-and-self-contradiction","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-06-18 18:21:20","post_modified_gmt":"2024-06-18 23:21:20","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19676","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":19174,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-05-14 01:02:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-05-14 06:02:00","post_content":"\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: \u201cI still have lingering emotions such as misunderstanding, hatred, agony, and anger towards my wife.\u201d This is a story of a man who was in the process of getting a divorce. He said that he was calmer than when he first decided to get divorced, but he still had negative feelings towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple may end up getting a divorce. It\u2019s not important whether one gets divorced or not. What\u2019s important is for people to reflect on themselves and the reasons for getting divorced. That way, they will not repeat the mistakes in future relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The biggest reason behind marital conflict is that both the husband and wife insist they are right. When the wife says to her husband, \u201cYou\u2019re stubborn.\u201d he does not realize that he is being stubborn. He believes that he is right, so he responds \u201cI\u2019m not being stubborn, I am just expressing my thoughts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the wife says \u201cYou get angry and irritated very easily.\u201d the husband will generally retort, \u201cWhy do you think I get angry? When did I get irritated? I got angry because you got angry.\u201d People usually don\u2019t realize how they are expressing their emotions and how they are acting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the wife of the man who is in the process of getting a divorce were asked, \u201cIs your husband understanding or opinionated?\u201d She would probably answer, \u201cHe is very opinionated.\u201d If she were asked, \u201cIs your husband selfish or devoted?\u201d She would probably respond that he is selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In most cases, how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you are very different. Of course, we cannot be definitive about which perspective is a more objective. However, it is safe to say other people\u2019s perception of you is usually more objective than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people should know that according to the law of cause and effect, when you gain something from others, you must pay it back sooner or later. When you borrow money from others, you can spend more than what you earn. Later, however, you must face the consequence of having to pay back the money. If we benefit from others, they will see it as a loss and demand something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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So the man who left his home and family to become a monk and attain enlightenment got married, had children, and ended up scraping a living just like any other lay person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After hearing this man\u2019s life story, you will probably think that he is very foolish, but most of us live like him. We think that we are always making good choices. However, when we look back later, we can see that tempted by the moment\u2019s comfort and ease, we have forgotten our initial goal and purpose. If a man gets married, he should live accordingly, and if a man leaves home to become a monk, he should also live accordingly. If we have such a clear perspective on life, we will suffer less. However, we are so easily swayed that when things get tough, we say, \u201cMaybe I should become a monk.\u201d Then, after becoming a monk, we envy a layman\u2019s life and say, \u201cPractice is so hard.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We often do foolish things like the Buddhist monk in the story who lost track of his initial goal. At a time like this, we have two options. One is to forget about our initial goals and live according to the situation we are now in. There is nothing wrong with that. The other is to return to our initial goal the moment we realize we deviated from it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People habitually say, \u201cI will be happy when I have money,\u201d or \u201cI will be happy when I get married.\u201d However, they are not happy even though they make money and get married. When they don\u2019t have children, they say \u201cI will be happy when I have a child.\u201d When they have a child, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to elementary school.\u201d When the child goes to elementary school, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to middle school.\u201d When the child goes to middle school, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to college.\u201d When the child goes to college, they still postpone their happiness. They say that they will be happy \u201cwhen the child gets a job,\u201d \u201cwhen the child gets married,\u201d \u201cwhen I have a grandchild,\u201d and then \u201cwhen the grandchild grows up.\u201d Throughout their lives, people change the conditions that they think they need to be happy, so they end up dying without ever having tasted happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wealth, fame, family, and friends are neither the causes of suffering nor the conditions of happiness. Sometimes, we think these things make us happy, and at other times, we think they make us suffer. If we go back and forth between these two extremes, we will never be free from suffering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are married, instead of being dissatisfied and worrying about things, try to think, \u201cI have a wife(husband), a house and a job. I have nothing to envy in the world. My life is the best.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we accept our lives as they are, we will become free and happy. If we have a goal that we want to achieve, we have to stop the habit of blindly running forward towards that goal. Rather than resolving to change our behavior starting tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, we have to learn to be happy here and now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no right answer in life. We live as we choose to. We hesitate when making choices because we don\u2019t want to be responsible for the consequences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can\u2019t say for certain that life is good or bad. There are only choices and the responsibilities that come with the choices we make. Taking responsibility for the choices we make is to willingly accept the consequences of our choices. If we readily accept the consequences of our actions, we won\u2019t be miserable or resentful no matter what happens.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Choice And Self-Contradiction","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"choice-and-self-contradiction","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-06-18 18:21:20","post_modified_gmt":"2024-06-18 23:21:20","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19676","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":19174,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-05-14 01:02:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-05-14 06:02:00","post_content":"\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: \u201cI still have lingering emotions such as misunderstanding, hatred, agony, and anger towards my wife.\u201d This is a story of a man who was in the process of getting a divorce. He said that he was calmer than when he first decided to get divorced, but he still had negative feelings towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple may end up getting a divorce. It\u2019s not important whether one gets divorced or not. What\u2019s important is for people to reflect on themselves and the reasons for getting divorced. That way, they will not repeat the mistakes in future relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The biggest reason behind marital conflict is that both the husband and wife insist they are right. When the wife says to her husband, \u201cYou\u2019re stubborn.\u201d he does not realize that he is being stubborn. He believes that he is right, so he responds \u201cI\u2019m not being stubborn, I am just expressing my thoughts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the wife says \u201cYou get angry and irritated very easily.\u201d the husband will generally retort, \u201cWhy do you think I get angry? When did I get irritated? I got angry because you got angry.\u201d People usually don\u2019t realize how they are expressing their emotions and how they are acting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the wife of the man who is in the process of getting a divorce were asked, \u201cIs your husband understanding or opinionated?\u201d She would probably answer, \u201cHe is very opinionated.\u201d If she were asked, \u201cIs your husband selfish or devoted?\u201d She would probably respond that he is selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In most cases, how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you are very different. Of course, we cannot be definitive about which perspective is a more objective. However, it is safe to say other people\u2019s perception of you is usually more objective than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people should know that according to the law of cause and effect, when you gain something from others, you must pay it back sooner or later. When you borrow money from others, you can spend more than what you earn. Later, however, you must face the consequence of having to pay back the money. If we benefit from others, they will see it as a loss and demand something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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He got married, and he was happy that he didn\u2019t have to pay the goat keeper or do any housework. He thought that he could finally concentrate on his practice. But alas, his wife became pregnant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So the man who left his home and family to become a monk and attain enlightenment got married, had children, and ended up scraping a living just like any other lay person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After hearing this man\u2019s life story, you will probably think that he is very foolish, but most of us live like him. We think that we are always making good choices. However, when we look back later, we can see that tempted by the moment\u2019s comfort and ease, we have forgotten our initial goal and purpose. If a man gets married, he should live accordingly, and if a man leaves home to become a monk, he should also live accordingly. If we have such a clear perspective on life, we will suffer less. However, we are so easily swayed that when things get tough, we say, \u201cMaybe I should become a monk.\u201d Then, after becoming a monk, we envy a layman\u2019s life and say, \u201cPractice is so hard.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We often do foolish things like the Buddhist monk in the story who lost track of his initial goal. At a time like this, we have two options. One is to forget about our initial goals and live according to the situation we are now in. There is nothing wrong with that. The other is to return to our initial goal the moment we realize we deviated from it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People habitually say, \u201cI will be happy when I have money,\u201d or \u201cI will be happy when I get married.\u201d However, they are not happy even though they make money and get married. When they don\u2019t have children, they say \u201cI will be happy when I have a child.\u201d When they have a child, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to elementary school.\u201d When the child goes to elementary school, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to middle school.\u201d When the child goes to middle school, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to college.\u201d When the child goes to college, they still postpone their happiness. They say that they will be happy \u201cwhen the child gets a job,\u201d \u201cwhen the child gets married,\u201d \u201cwhen I have a grandchild,\u201d and then \u201cwhen the grandchild grows up.\u201d Throughout their lives, people change the conditions that they think they need to be happy, so they end up dying without ever having tasted happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wealth, fame, family, and friends are neither the causes of suffering nor the conditions of happiness. Sometimes, we think these things make us happy, and at other times, we think they make us suffer. If we go back and forth between these two extremes, we will never be free from suffering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are married, instead of being dissatisfied and worrying about things, try to think, \u201cI have a wife(husband), a house and a job. I have nothing to envy in the world. My life is the best.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we accept our lives as they are, we will become free and happy. If we have a goal that we want to achieve, we have to stop the habit of blindly running forward towards that goal. Rather than resolving to change our behavior starting tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, we have to learn to be happy here and now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no right answer in life. We live as we choose to. We hesitate when making choices because we don\u2019t want to be responsible for the consequences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can\u2019t say for certain that life is good or bad. There are only choices and the responsibilities that come with the choices we make. Taking responsibility for the choices we make is to willingly accept the consequences of our choices. If we readily accept the consequences of our actions, we won\u2019t be miserable or resentful no matter what happens.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Choice And Self-Contradiction","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"choice-and-self-contradiction","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-06-18 18:21:20","post_modified_gmt":"2024-06-18 23:21:20","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19676","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":19174,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-05-14 01:02:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-05-14 06:02:00","post_content":"\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: \u201cI still have lingering emotions such as misunderstanding, hatred, agony, and anger towards my wife.\u201d This is a story of a man who was in the process of getting a divorce. He said that he was calmer than when he first decided to get divorced, but he still had negative feelings towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple may end up getting a divorce. It\u2019s not important whether one gets divorced or not. What\u2019s important is for people to reflect on themselves and the reasons for getting divorced. That way, they will not repeat the mistakes in future relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The biggest reason behind marital conflict is that both the husband and wife insist they are right. When the wife says to her husband, \u201cYou\u2019re stubborn.\u201d he does not realize that he is being stubborn. He believes that he is right, so he responds \u201cI\u2019m not being stubborn, I am just expressing my thoughts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the wife says \u201cYou get angry and irritated very easily.\u201d the husband will generally retort, \u201cWhy do you think I get angry? When did I get irritated? I got angry because you got angry.\u201d People usually don\u2019t realize how they are expressing their emotions and how they are acting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the wife of the man who is in the process of getting a divorce were asked, \u201cIs your husband understanding or opinionated?\u201d She would probably answer, \u201cHe is very opinionated.\u201d If she were asked, \u201cIs your husband selfish or devoted?\u201d She would probably respond that he is selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In most cases, how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you are very different. Of course, we cannot be definitive about which perspective is a more objective. However, it is safe to say other people\u2019s perception of you is usually more objective than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people should know that according to the law of cause and effect, when you gain something from others, you must pay it back sooner or later. When you borrow money from others, you can spend more than what you earn. Later, however, you must face the consequence of having to pay back the money. If we benefit from others, they will see it as a loss and demand something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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Now he needed to pay the goat keeper. Before, he only had to get enough food to feed himself during his alms round. However, he now also had to get food and money to give to the goat keeper, so his alms round took much longer. He couldn\u2019t let this go on. He thought to himself, \u201cIt may be better to get married than go on like this.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He got married, and he was happy that he didn\u2019t have to pay the goat keeper or do any housework. He thought that he could finally concentrate on his practice. But alas, his wife became pregnant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So the man who left his home and family to become a monk and attain enlightenment got married, had children, and ended up scraping a living just like any other lay person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After hearing this man\u2019s life story, you will probably think that he is very foolish, but most of us live like him. We think that we are always making good choices. However, when we look back later, we can see that tempted by the moment\u2019s comfort and ease, we have forgotten our initial goal and purpose. If a man gets married, he should live accordingly, and if a man leaves home to become a monk, he should also live accordingly. If we have such a clear perspective on life, we will suffer less. However, we are so easily swayed that when things get tough, we say, \u201cMaybe I should become a monk.\u201d Then, after becoming a monk, we envy a layman\u2019s life and say, \u201cPractice is so hard.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We often do foolish things like the Buddhist monk in the story who lost track of his initial goal. At a time like this, we have two options. One is to forget about our initial goals and live according to the situation we are now in. There is nothing wrong with that. The other is to return to our initial goal the moment we realize we deviated from it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People habitually say, \u201cI will be happy when I have money,\u201d or \u201cI will be happy when I get married.\u201d However, they are not happy even though they make money and get married. When they don\u2019t have children, they say \u201cI will be happy when I have a child.\u201d When they have a child, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to elementary school.\u201d When the child goes to elementary school, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to middle school.\u201d When the child goes to middle school, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to college.\u201d When the child goes to college, they still postpone their happiness. They say that they will be happy \u201cwhen the child gets a job,\u201d \u201cwhen the child gets married,\u201d \u201cwhen I have a grandchild,\u201d and then \u201cwhen the grandchild grows up.\u201d Throughout their lives, people change the conditions that they think they need to be happy, so they end up dying without ever having tasted happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wealth, fame, family, and friends are neither the causes of suffering nor the conditions of happiness. Sometimes, we think these things make us happy, and at other times, we think they make us suffer. If we go back and forth between these two extremes, we will never be free from suffering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are married, instead of being dissatisfied and worrying about things, try to think, \u201cI have a wife(husband), a house and a job. I have nothing to envy in the world. My life is the best.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we accept our lives as they are, we will become free and happy. If we have a goal that we want to achieve, we have to stop the habit of blindly running forward towards that goal. Rather than resolving to change our behavior starting tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, we have to learn to be happy here and now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no right answer in life. We live as we choose to. We hesitate when making choices because we don\u2019t want to be responsible for the consequences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can\u2019t say for certain that life is good or bad. There are only choices and the responsibilities that come with the choices we make. Taking responsibility for the choices we make is to willingly accept the consequences of our choices. If we readily accept the consequences of our actions, we won\u2019t be miserable or resentful no matter what happens.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Choice And Self-Contradiction","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"choice-and-self-contradiction","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-06-18 18:21:20","post_modified_gmt":"2024-06-18 23:21:20","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19676","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":19174,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-05-14 01:02:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-05-14 06:02:00","post_content":"\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: \u201cI still have lingering emotions such as misunderstanding, hatred, agony, and anger towards my wife.\u201d This is a story of a man who was in the process of getting a divorce. He said that he was calmer than when he first decided to get divorced, but he still had negative feelings towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple may end up getting a divorce. It\u2019s not important whether one gets divorced or not. What\u2019s important is for people to reflect on themselves and the reasons for getting divorced. That way, they will not repeat the mistakes in future relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The biggest reason behind marital conflict is that both the husband and wife insist they are right. When the wife says to her husband, \u201cYou\u2019re stubborn.\u201d he does not realize that he is being stubborn. He believes that he is right, so he responds \u201cI\u2019m not being stubborn, I am just expressing my thoughts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the wife says \u201cYou get angry and irritated very easily.\u201d the husband will generally retort, \u201cWhy do you think I get angry? When did I get irritated? I got angry because you got angry.\u201d People usually don\u2019t realize how they are expressing their emotions and how they are acting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the wife of the man who is in the process of getting a divorce were asked, \u201cIs your husband understanding or opinionated?\u201d She would probably answer, \u201cHe is very opinionated.\u201d If she were asked, \u201cIs your husband selfish or devoted?\u201d She would probably respond that he is selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In most cases, how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you are very different. Of course, we cannot be definitive about which perspective is a more objective. However, it is safe to say other people\u2019s perception of you is usually more objective than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people should know that according to the law of cause and effect, when you gain something from others, you must pay it back sooner or later. When you borrow money from others, you can spend more than what you earn. Later, however, you must face the consequence of having to pay back the money. If we benefit from others, they will see it as a loss and demand something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


\n\n\n\n

Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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Since he now got milk from the goats, he was spared the trouble of making a trip to the village every day. However, he now had more chores to do than before. He had to tie the goats to posts to prevent them from escaping, feed them regularly, and cut enough grass to feed all of them. He was able to drink milk thanks to the goats, but he had less time to practice as he had to take care of them. In order to solve this problem, he hired a goat keeper.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now he needed to pay the goat keeper. Before, he only had to get enough food to feed himself during his alms round. However, he now also had to get food and money to give to the goat keeper, so his alms round took much longer. He couldn\u2019t let this go on. He thought to himself, \u201cIt may be better to get married than go on like this.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He got married, and he was happy that he didn\u2019t have to pay the goat keeper or do any housework. He thought that he could finally concentrate on his practice. But alas, his wife became pregnant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So the man who left his home and family to become a monk and attain enlightenment got married, had children, and ended up scraping a living just like any other lay person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After hearing this man\u2019s life story, you will probably think that he is very foolish, but most of us live like him. We think that we are always making good choices. However, when we look back later, we can see that tempted by the moment\u2019s comfort and ease, we have forgotten our initial goal and purpose. If a man gets married, he should live accordingly, and if a man leaves home to become a monk, he should also live accordingly. If we have such a clear perspective on life, we will suffer less. However, we are so easily swayed that when things get tough, we say, \u201cMaybe I should become a monk.\u201d Then, after becoming a monk, we envy a layman\u2019s life and say, \u201cPractice is so hard.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We often do foolish things like the Buddhist monk in the story who lost track of his initial goal. At a time like this, we have two options. One is to forget about our initial goals and live according to the situation we are now in. There is nothing wrong with that. The other is to return to our initial goal the moment we realize we deviated from it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People habitually say, \u201cI will be happy when I have money,\u201d or \u201cI will be happy when I get married.\u201d However, they are not happy even though they make money and get married. When they don\u2019t have children, they say \u201cI will be happy when I have a child.\u201d When they have a child, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to elementary school.\u201d When the child goes to elementary school, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to middle school.\u201d When the child goes to middle school, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to college.\u201d When the child goes to college, they still postpone their happiness. They say that they will be happy \u201cwhen the child gets a job,\u201d \u201cwhen the child gets married,\u201d \u201cwhen I have a grandchild,\u201d and then \u201cwhen the grandchild grows up.\u201d Throughout their lives, people change the conditions that they think they need to be happy, so they end up dying without ever having tasted happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wealth, fame, family, and friends are neither the causes of suffering nor the conditions of happiness. Sometimes, we think these things make us happy, and at other times, we think they make us suffer. If we go back and forth between these two extremes, we will never be free from suffering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are married, instead of being dissatisfied and worrying about things, try to think, \u201cI have a wife(husband), a house and a job. I have nothing to envy in the world. My life is the best.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we accept our lives as they are, we will become free and happy. If we have a goal that we want to achieve, we have to stop the habit of blindly running forward towards that goal. Rather than resolving to change our behavior starting tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, we have to learn to be happy here and now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no right answer in life. We live as we choose to. We hesitate when making choices because we don\u2019t want to be responsible for the consequences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can\u2019t say for certain that life is good or bad. There are only choices and the responsibilities that come with the choices we make. Taking responsibility for the choices we make is to willingly accept the consequences of our choices. If we readily accept the consequences of our actions, we won\u2019t be miserable or resentful no matter what happens.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Choice And Self-Contradiction","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"choice-and-self-contradiction","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-06-18 18:21:20","post_modified_gmt":"2024-06-18 23:21:20","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19676","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":19174,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-05-14 01:02:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-05-14 06:02:00","post_content":"\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: \u201cI still have lingering emotions such as misunderstanding, hatred, agony, and anger towards my wife.\u201d This is a story of a man who was in the process of getting a divorce. He said that he was calmer than when he first decided to get divorced, but he still had negative feelings towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple may end up getting a divorce. It\u2019s not important whether one gets divorced or not. What\u2019s important is for people to reflect on themselves and the reasons for getting divorced. That way, they will not repeat the mistakes in future relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The biggest reason behind marital conflict is that both the husband and wife insist they are right. When the wife says to her husband, \u201cYou\u2019re stubborn.\u201d he does not realize that he is being stubborn. He believes that he is right, so he responds \u201cI\u2019m not being stubborn, I am just expressing my thoughts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the wife says \u201cYou get angry and irritated very easily.\u201d the husband will generally retort, \u201cWhy do you think I get angry? When did I get irritated? I got angry because you got angry.\u201d People usually don\u2019t realize how they are expressing their emotions and how they are acting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the wife of the man who is in the process of getting a divorce were asked, \u201cIs your husband understanding or opinionated?\u201d She would probably answer, \u201cHe is very opinionated.\u201d If she were asked, \u201cIs your husband selfish or devoted?\u201d She would probably respond that he is selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In most cases, how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you are very different. Of course, we cannot be definitive about which perspective is a more objective. However, it is safe to say other people\u2019s perception of you is usually more objective than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people should know that according to the law of cause and effect, when you gain something from others, you must pay it back sooner or later. When you borrow money from others, you can spend more than what you earn. Later, however, you must face the consequence of having to pay back the money. If we benefit from others, they will see it as a loss and demand something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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To make matters worse, he got sick. He went to see a doctor who said his illness was caused by malnutrition and that he needed to drink a glass of milk every day. But how could he get milk in the mountains? So, he went down to the village every day to get a glass of milk. Since this was too time consuming, he bought a couple of goats and took them to his cottage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since he now got milk from the goats, he was spared the trouble of making a trip to the village every day. However, he now had more chores to do than before. He had to tie the goats to posts to prevent them from escaping, feed them regularly, and cut enough grass to feed all of them. He was able to drink milk thanks to the goats, but he had less time to practice as he had to take care of them. In order to solve this problem, he hired a goat keeper.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now he needed to pay the goat keeper. Before, he only had to get enough food to feed himself during his alms round. However, he now also had to get food and money to give to the goat keeper, so his alms round took much longer. He couldn\u2019t let this go on. He thought to himself, \u201cIt may be better to get married than go on like this.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He got married, and he was happy that he didn\u2019t have to pay the goat keeper or do any housework. He thought that he could finally concentrate on his practice. But alas, his wife became pregnant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So the man who left his home and family to become a monk and attain enlightenment got married, had children, and ended up scraping a living just like any other lay person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After hearing this man\u2019s life story, you will probably think that he is very foolish, but most of us live like him. We think that we are always making good choices. However, when we look back later, we can see that tempted by the moment\u2019s comfort and ease, we have forgotten our initial goal and purpose. If a man gets married, he should live accordingly, and if a man leaves home to become a monk, he should also live accordingly. If we have such a clear perspective on life, we will suffer less. However, we are so easily swayed that when things get tough, we say, \u201cMaybe I should become a monk.\u201d Then, after becoming a monk, we envy a layman\u2019s life and say, \u201cPractice is so hard.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We often do foolish things like the Buddhist monk in the story who lost track of his initial goal. At a time like this, we have two options. One is to forget about our initial goals and live according to the situation we are now in. There is nothing wrong with that. The other is to return to our initial goal the moment we realize we deviated from it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People habitually say, \u201cI will be happy when I have money,\u201d or \u201cI will be happy when I get married.\u201d However, they are not happy even though they make money and get married. When they don\u2019t have children, they say \u201cI will be happy when I have a child.\u201d When they have a child, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to elementary school.\u201d When the child goes to elementary school, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to middle school.\u201d When the child goes to middle school, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to college.\u201d When the child goes to college, they still postpone their happiness. They say that they will be happy \u201cwhen the child gets a job,\u201d \u201cwhen the child gets married,\u201d \u201cwhen I have a grandchild,\u201d and then \u201cwhen the grandchild grows up.\u201d Throughout their lives, people change the conditions that they think they need to be happy, so they end up dying without ever having tasted happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wealth, fame, family, and friends are neither the causes of suffering nor the conditions of happiness. Sometimes, we think these things make us happy, and at other times, we think they make us suffer. If we go back and forth between these two extremes, we will never be free from suffering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are married, instead of being dissatisfied and worrying about things, try to think, \u201cI have a wife(husband), a house and a job. I have nothing to envy in the world. My life is the best.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we accept our lives as they are, we will become free and happy. If we have a goal that we want to achieve, we have to stop the habit of blindly running forward towards that goal. Rather than resolving to change our behavior starting tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, we have to learn to be happy here and now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no right answer in life. We live as we choose to. We hesitate when making choices because we don\u2019t want to be responsible for the consequences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can\u2019t say for certain that life is good or bad. There are only choices and the responsibilities that come with the choices we make. Taking responsibility for the choices we make is to willingly accept the consequences of our choices. If we readily accept the consequences of our actions, we won\u2019t be miserable or resentful no matter what happens.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Choice And Self-Contradiction","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"choice-and-self-contradiction","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-06-18 18:21:20","post_modified_gmt":"2024-06-18 23:21:20","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19676","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":19174,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-05-14 01:02:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-05-14 06:02:00","post_content":"\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: \u201cI still have lingering emotions such as misunderstanding, hatred, agony, and anger towards my wife.\u201d This is a story of a man who was in the process of getting a divorce. He said that he was calmer than when he first decided to get divorced, but he still had negative feelings towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple may end up getting a divorce. It\u2019s not important whether one gets divorced or not. What\u2019s important is for people to reflect on themselves and the reasons for getting divorced. That way, they will not repeat the mistakes in future relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The biggest reason behind marital conflict is that both the husband and wife insist they are right. When the wife says to her husband, \u201cYou\u2019re stubborn.\u201d he does not realize that he is being stubborn. He believes that he is right, so he responds \u201cI\u2019m not being stubborn, I am just expressing my thoughts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the wife says \u201cYou get angry and irritated very easily.\u201d the husband will generally retort, \u201cWhy do you think I get angry? When did I get irritated? I got angry because you got angry.\u201d People usually don\u2019t realize how they are expressing their emotions and how they are acting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the wife of the man who is in the process of getting a divorce were asked, \u201cIs your husband understanding or opinionated?\u201d She would probably answer, \u201cHe is very opinionated.\u201d If she were asked, \u201cIs your husband selfish or devoted?\u201d She would probably respond that he is selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In most cases, how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you are very different. Of course, we cannot be definitive about which perspective is a more objective. However, it is safe to say other people\u2019s perception of you is usually more objective than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a bad thing. However, people should know that according to the law of cause and effect, when you gain something from others, you must pay it back sooner or later. When you borrow money from others, you can spend more than what you earn. Later, however, you must face the consequence of having to pay back the money. If we benefit from others, they will see it as a loss and demand something in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you need to either abandon the intention of benefiting from others or recognize, \u2018\u201cI\u2019m trying to benefit from someone.\u201d When you\u2019re being stubborn, become aware, \u201cI am being stubborn. If I continue being obstinate, that person will become frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to be aware of your actions and feelings. Then, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are selfish.\u201d you can calmly acknowledge his or her opinion and say, \u201cYeah, I am pretty selfish.\u201d. This makes communication possible. You can still communicate with your spouse even if you are not able to get rid of selfishness and stubbornness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are completely unaware that you are being selfish or stubborn, when your spouse says, \u201cYou\u2019re selfish\u201d you may retort, \u201cAm I the only one who is selfish? Aren\u2019t you selfish too?\u201d or snap angrily, \u201cWhat do you mean I am selfish?\u201d In the same vein, when your spouse says, \u201cYou are stubborn.\u201d you may react by either saying \u201cWhat do you mean I am stubborn?\u201d or \u201cAren\u2019t you stubborn too?\u201d If you react this way you won\u2019t be able to communicate with your spouse and end up hurting your spouse as well as yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All human beings are selfish. If we accept this fact and admit to our selfishness, we will be able to communicate well with others. For example, we usually call someone when we need some kind of help from that person. Nine out of ten phone calls, if not ten out of ten, are made to make inquiries or ask for something. We rarely call someone to simply ask, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d or \u201cIs there anything I can help with?\u201d If we accept this fact, we can take it in stride when someone calls and asks for a favor. However, we tend to complain, \u201cHe only calls when he needs something.\u201d This can lead to conflict. Thus, if we accept that we are also selfish, we will stop condemning others for being selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone calls you to ask for help and you are able to help him with whatever he needs, he will appreciate it. While it is tiresome when people ask for help, the fact that you are called on to help means that you are more capable and in a better position than those who request help. If you get irritated when someone asks for help, you won\u2019t be able to utilize your capabilities. In this regard, you shouldn\u2019t consider phone calls or requests for help tiresome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t always have to be devoted and compliant in order to communicate with others. Simply being aware of your selfishness will enable you to communicate well. It may seem to a husband that his wife is the problem, being selfish and stubborn. However, the fact is, the wife also feels the same way about her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The decision to get divorced or not is up to this man, but he should not hate his wife. The man will find that after he divorces his wife, she will likely meet a man who loves her as she is, and he himself will find a woman who loves him as he is. He must realize that his wife is neither good nor bad. He felt negative emotions towards his wife because she did not meet his demands. Therefore, the wife herself is not the problem, but rather his negative emotions towards unmet demands or expectations. So, even if the man chooses to get a divorce, it is important not to make the past into a hurtful memory by hating his wife. He should not hate her regardless of whether he stays in the marriage or not. If he hates her, the time he spent married to his wife will become a wasted part of his life. Therefore, even if he decides to get divorced, he needs to give prayers of repentance and thanks towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for his wife, the man could still be unmarried and living alone. Thanks to her, he wasn\u2019t lonely. Getting divorced is not the end of the world since he can get married again. Also, he can regard the time he lived with her as simply one of his life experiences. If he hates his wife, the time they were together will remain a wound, but if he feels thankful to her, the marriage will become an experience and an asset in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only when the man values all of his life up to this moment, including his marriage, will he be able to enjoy the rest of his life whether he remarries or not. However, if his marriage remains a wound, it may color his future relationships with women. If a woman he is interested in shows a slight similarity in behavior or disposition to those of his ex-wife, he will become fearful of having the same problems again, and this may have a negative effect on his future relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you go through a break-up, you may seem to be okay on the surface, but you may be wounded in your subconscious. There are two ways to cure yourself. One way is to repent towards your spouse with the thought, \u201cYou must have gone through a lot being married to me. I am really sorry.\u201d The other is being thankful towards your spouse.: \u201cThank you for staying married to me for three years. It was a good experience in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After much prayer, when repentance and gratitude truly resonate with your heart, the wounds will be healed. Only then, will you not repeat the same mistakes in the future. It is best to shake off the past with prayers of repentance and gratitude and to prepare for a new life with hope.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How To Break Up Without Leaving Regrets Or Wounds","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-to-break-up-without-leaving-regrets-or-wounds","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-05-12 13:09:48","post_modified_gmt":"2024-05-12 18:09:48","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19174","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":18145,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-03-26 07:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-03-26 12:00:00","post_content":"\n

P:<\/strong> Most of us feel anxious and insecure about our old age. So, people ask, \u201cWhat do I need to do to prepare for a happy old age?\u201d However, there is no such thing as preparing to be happy. You must simply be happy at this moment. Let\u2019s say you slip and fall down the stairs and break a leg. If you think to yourself, \u201cWhat bad luck that I broke my leg!\u201d you will feel unhappy. However, if you think, \u201cHow fortunate that I only broke one leg when I could have easily broken both legs!\u201d you will feel happy. If you can see the positive side of everything, you will always be happy. There is no need to prepare for a happy old age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I see in the media, \u2018Your old age will be insecure if you don\u2019t prepare for it.\u2019 or \u2018You need to do this and that to be happy in your old age,\u2019 I feel like I need to do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needing to prepare for happiness is a claim of those who have never been happy. Often, all people do is prepare to become happy but end up dying without ever having been happy. Therefore, there is no need to prepare. We should be happy from this very moment. We should not prepare to be happy but be happy immediately starting today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who are not happy today cannot be happy tomorrow, and those who are not happy in this world cannot be happy in the afterworld, should it exist. Those who always complain in this world will find something to complain about even in heaven. You may think that you will be happy the moment you get to heaven, but once you are there, you might still be unhappy. There is no place in the world that will automatically make you happy. You should be happy right here, right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, how can we become happy? Wouldn\u2019t I be miserable if I envied you and kept thinking, \u201cHow I wish I could get married!\u201d? If those of you who are married keep thinking, \u201cI wish I could live alone. How wonderful it must be to travel anywhere as freely as the Sunim does!\u201d you would be very unhappy. A monk like me should be proud of living alone, and those who are married should be so happy in their marriages as to make a monk feel jealous. Living the life we have chosen to the best of our ability is living well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be happy with everything that happens in the natural course of our lives. For instance, we should be happy to grow old as time passes, happy to be alive when alive, and happy to die when death knocks at the door. Then, it will be like living in heaven in this life as well as in the afterlife. It doesn\u2019t make sense to live this life as if we were in hell while wishing to go to heaven after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a person who lives in Korea can live happily, Korea becomes a heaven. This person will be happy even if he lives in the U.S. However, a person who complains about his life in this world will not stop complaining even if he were sent to heaven. A complainer is likely to grumble no matter where he goes. Therefore, heaven and hell do not exist separately in another world. That is, we are in heaven when we are happy and in hell when we are miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We tend to blame others for their hardships and suffering. However, if we look carefully, we will to see that we ourselves make our own happiness and unhappiness. Those who make themselves miserable will feel miserable even in heaven, and those who make themselves happy will be happy even in hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should be content with our current lives at all times. When we wake up early in the morning, when we meditate, when we prostrate, and when we have meals, we should be happy to be able to do these things. Considering that a countless number of people in North Korea are currently starving, shouldn\u2019t we be thankful for the fact that we are able to have regular meals? We should always perceive our lives in such a positive light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, you are all happy right now. You simply don\u2019t see it or feel it. Once upon a time someone visited a Zen master and talked extensively about the Buddha and his teachings. The Zen master told him, \u201cJust have a cup of tea.\u201d He meant, \u201cStop thinking nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are already happy. You don\u2019t need to work hard to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you let go of the thought, \u201cI will live happily,\u201d you will find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We create our own misfortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truly, our happiness and unhappiness are not created by others.<\/p>\n","post_title":"We Are The Ones Who Create Our Happiness And Unhappiness","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"we-are-the-ones-who-create-our-happiness-and-unhappiness","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-03-11 20:02:00","post_modified_gmt":"2024-03-12 01:02:00","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=18145","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17868,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-27 11:11:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-27 16:11:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Older people are expected to be more open hearted and generous. When young people are frugal and try to save money, they are looked upon with approval. However, when older people try to hold on to their possessions or money, they are frowned on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone likes your clothes, you should give them away. You won\u2019t be able to take anything with you when you die. After you pass away, even your kids won\u2019t take your clothes. Unless you\u2019re someone famous and your clothes are worthy of exhibiting in a museum, they will be burned. Therefore, when you give your things away, they are only considered to be gifts when you are alive. People will refuse to take a dead person\u2019s clothes because many think that they are possessed. Thus, giving away your things long before you die will help you let go of your strong attachment to them and also will bring you good fortune.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you give your wealth to those in need, it becomes a charitable act. Giving food to the hungry and caring for the sick bring good fortune to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people age, they often wish the best for their children and grandchildren rather than themselves. If you wish for the well-being of your descendants, you must do good deeds. You need to keep making donations for the poor, albeit a small amount. Instead of trying to donate a large amount of money out of greed for good fortune, you should donate steadily within your means. For example, if you have $10, you can spend $9 on your lunch and donate $1 for the poor. This is the way to accumulate good fortune. Instead of praying for the wellbeing of your children and grandchildren, you should keep doing good deeds. Then, you grandchildren will surely reap the benefits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you leave an inheritance to your children, they are likely to fight over the money and end up becoming enemies. I\u2019ve been to many funerals, and I have witnessed that when the deceased has left a large inheritance, the remaining family members inevitably get into conflict. As soon as the parents pass away, disputes over the inheritance break out among the family members. However, if there is no inheritance, there is no conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you put your assets in order and give most of them away while you\u2019re alive, things will be tidy and simple after your death. Therefore, it\u2019s best for you to only keep the amount you need to live on in your old age and donate rest of the assets to good causes. Since you plan to donate your money anyway for the good of our society, you should not begrudge the taxes you pay when you have a high income. It won\u2019t make a difference whether you donate a lump sum at the end of your life or small amounts throughout your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all depend on nature and benefit from the society that we live in. Any wealth we have accumulated cannot be considered to be our own because it has been gained through the benefits we receive from members of society and nature. If you keep this in mind and use your wealth for the common good, you will not only be able to put your assets in order before you pass away but also obtain good fortune. Using his wealth, Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, established a foundation with the goal of finding cures for fatal diseases such as AIDS. If you donate your assets to organizations that contribute positively to the advancement of society, the wealth that you have worked so hard to accumulate your entire life will be used for beneficial and worthy purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time ago, the CEO of a major Korean company was involved in a legal fight against his siblings over the inheritance his father left behind. Since he had secretly taken possession of all the inheritance without the knowledge or consent of his siblings, he should have apologized to them when his wrongdoings were revealed. Instead, he caused a racket in court shouting, \u201cI won\u2019t give back a single penny. I will go to the constitutional court or even the supreme court to make sure of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From this incident, we can conclude, \u201cThere is no limit to greed. Money doesn\u2019t guarantee happiness. Money can\u2019t solve our problems.\u201d We can also see how inheritance can drive siblings apart. Therefore, it\u2019s best to think about and decide while you\u2019re still alive whether you will give your wealth away as a gift to others or leave it as a source of trouble for your children.<\/p>\n","post_title":"It Is A Gift Only When You Give It Away While You Are Still Alive","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"it-is-a-gift-only-when-you-give-it-away-while-you-are-still-alive","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 23:15:15","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 04:15:15","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17868","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17865,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-20 09:53:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-20 14:53:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> Whatever the cause of death may be, you must let go of the strong feelings toward those who have passed away. This way, the dead may leave this world without any lingering attachment, whether they go to heaven, paradise, or are reincarnated. However, this is easier said than done because people have a very hard time letting go of their attachment to loved ones who have passed away. The customary 3-day funeral in Korea gives mourners time to grieve for the dead and say goodbye. In exceptional cases, the funerals of well-known figures are extended to 5 or 7 days to accommodate a large number of mourners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After mourning during those customary 3 days, you should be able to smile if you want good things to happen to you. You should do the same whether your parents, children, husband, wife or a monk has died. Even if I were to die, you should not cry after the funeral. You should tell yourself, \u201cVen. Pomnyun Sunim has lived a good life.\u201d If by any chance, I die in a car accident, you should think to yourself, \u201c Since he traveled so much, he inevitably died from a car accident.\u201d You must simply let go of any emotional attachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I met a widow who sobbed for a long time over the premature death of her husband who was only in his thirties. I said to her, \"I hope you meet another man and live happily.\" Naturally, she was indignant at what I said. She stopped crying and retorted angrily,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cSunim! How can you say that?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cWill sobbing bring your husband back from death?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cNo\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t you have a one-year-old child? If the mother weeps, her child\u2019s heart will be filled with sadness, but if the mother is cheerful, the child\u2019s heart will be filled with joy. So, what should you do, keep grieving or smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cI should smile\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cEven if you smile dating another man, your smile will make your child happy. However, if you live alone and cry all the time, your child will be sad. From the child\u2019s perspective, it\u2019s not important who his mother is dating. What the child needs is a happy mother. Again, if a mother loves her child, should she be miserable or cheerful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cShe should be cheerful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> \u201cSo, as a mother, your top priority should be your child, no matter what happens. The death of your husband is no exception. Your concern for your child comes first. If you really love your child, you must smile and be happy for your child\u2019s sake. Thus, although it may be hard for you to smile after your husband\u2019s death, you have to smile even if it takes dating another man. That is to say, you need to do whatever it takes to ensure your child\u2019s happiness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About three days later, a person who had seen the sobbing widow on the day I had a conversation with her came to me and told me his wife had witnessed a surprising scene. He said, \u201cDo you remember the young widow who was so choked up about her husband\u2019s death that she couldn\u2019t even speak? In the afternoon of the day she talked with you, my wife saw her shopping with her mother with a smile on her face. What on earth did you say to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a person lives in deep sorrow because her husband has died, she is ruining her own life and torturing herself. Her husband lived a full life, and his death is not her fault, so she should not feel guilty. She must live life happily in order for her children to be healthy and happy. But if she lives in deep sorrow, it will have a negative impact on her child\u2019s psychological state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once a child grows up to be an adult of over 18 years old, they should be able to live an independent life without clinging to their parents. However, if a single mother were to cry all day, her adult children will be unable to leave her side. Even if they want to leave home to live their lives, they will be held back by the thought, \"How could I leave my mother behind?\" Also, when they start dating, instead simply marrying people they fall in love with, they may worry about whether their prospective spouses will be good to their mother and help take care of her. Their constant preoccupation with their mother will become a huge obstacle in their lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, a mother, even if her husband dies, should be strong and live happily for her children\u2019s sake. When her children worry about her, she should tell them, \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. I am doing fine. You just worry about yourself.\u201d Only then will her children grow up healthy and strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss of a loved one is very sad, but you must let go of your sadness in order to prevent yourself from living a life of misery. Also, you need to let go of your deep emotional attachment for the sake of the deceased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s alright to reminisce about good memories about the deceased, but you shouldn\u2019t obsess about them. It is believed that grieving and longing for the deceased may cause their spirits to wander. You must let go of them light-heartedly for their sakes and your sake, as well as for happiness of your family.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Mourn For Your Loved One For No More Than Three Days","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"mourn-for-your-loved-one-for-no-more-than-three-days","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:57:41","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:57:41","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17865","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17862,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-02-13 09:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-02-13 14:42:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> The most difficult aspect of social life is not necessarily the work but, in many instances, our relationship with others. Especially at work, conflict with colleagues is often more stressful than the work itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense. They seem incompetent.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> A person told me about his difficulties at work. However, the expression \"My supervisors say things that don't make any sense\" is very subjective. His supervisors are just communicating in their own way, but this person criticizes them just because he doesn't like what they say. We can say that this person is very subjective in his views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each person in the world has different characteristics. I have my own point of view, and others have their own points of view. In the same way, I have my own values and others have their own values. Also, I may feel this way, but that person may feel that way. I work this way, but another person works in a different way. It\u2019s just a matter of difference, not right or wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are prone to making a strong distinction between right and wrong, you are likely to think only you are right and disregard the perspectives and values of others. You may score high in terms of work efficiency, but score low in terms of group harmony. You cannot be considered to be right just because you work very efficiently. Some people may be very skilled and efficient in their work but fail to work in harmony with others, which ends up negatively affecting the overall work. On the other hand, some may have good personalities but aren\u2019t efficient in their work which is also a problem. Also, some people may be very likable, but indecisive when handling various situations which also affects their work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, some subordinates at work may cause you stress because of their poor work performance. However, it\u2019s not necessarily a bad thing that your colleague or subordinates don't do good jobs since you will then have a better chance of getting promoted. If your subordinate is a quick study and promptly manages to do everything you do and obtains in one year the know-how that took you 5 years to figure out, he may soon be promoted to a position that is higher than yours. When working with diverse people in the workplace, it is very important to accept that everyone is different. Instead of talking about what is right or wrong, you should acknowledge people\u2019s differences and accept, \u201cThat\u2019s just how he is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s plausible, considering his life background, position, and conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for that person to act in a certain way, given his background, situation, and conditions.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my boss to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"It may be natural for my subordinate to view it that way, given his position.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we understand others this way, we are likely to get less stressed by their actions. Then, we are at peace, which in turn will help us work in harmony with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person who talked to me about his stress at work told me that he recently had to undergo surgery after being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. When we are highly dissatisfied, we are likely to become stressed and have a higher possibility of contracting various illnesses. People say that when we get angry our blood vessels pop out; anger brings negative energies which may adversely affect our health. If someone possesses a strong sense of right and wrong like this person, it is necessary for him to always keep in mind these thoughts: \"I am different from that person\" and \"It's possible that a person can legitimately view this situation like that.\" Otherwise, he may not be able to endure and end up quitting his job. Precision and meticulousness are traits that are helpful in getting work done but may not necessarily be beneficial for social relationships. Once we recognize and accept that people are not all bad, we may find it easier to work together with others in harmony.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Acknowledging Differences Will Prevent Conflicts","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"acknowledging-differences-will-prevent-conflicts","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:46:52","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:46:52","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17862","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17844,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-01-09 08:58:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-01-09 13:58:00","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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P:<\/strong> In a marriage, there may come a time when one of the spouses is hospitalized and the other has to be the caretaker. If the husband and wife are on good terms, the healthy spouse will care for the sick spouse with devotion. However, if they have a rocky marriage, the caregiver may experience a great deal of frustration and hardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband has been receiving treatment for a stroke and cancer for a few years now. He has not been a good husband or father, so I have been contemplating getting a divorce for the sake of my children who also want me to get divorced. I have to raise the children, and I don\u2019t have the time or money to take care of my husband. My future with my husband seems bleak, so I want to be separated from him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have to bear the medical costs of your husband\u2019s treatment, and you have to raise the children all by yourself. Additionally, since you are not on good terms with your husband, it must be all the more difficult and stressful to take care of him. I could sympathize with you, but the consolation is not going to solve your problem. Instead, I will be blunt with you. I am afraid that with your mindset, it may be unlikely that your children will turn out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say that your children want you to get divorced, but that\u2019s because they are still young. They are not going to feel the same way when they get older. When the kids are young they usually take their mother\u2019s side when the parents argue. However, later, when they get older, they will realize that not only their father but also their mother has many faults. Right now, because their father is an invalid and bad-tempered, the children may ask, \u201cWhy do we have to live like this?\u201d Later, however, they will experience conflicting emotions of resenting you for abandoning their father and feeling grateful to you for having raised them. As a result, the kids may become emotionally unstable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you had a rocky marriage, you lived with your husband under one roof, and he is the father of your children. So it\u2019s best to make up your mind to take care of your husband. When he gets irritated, try to understand and comfort him. Tell yourself, \u201cHe must be in a lot of pain to be so angry.\" or, \"I came home late because of work, so it\u2019s natural that he should be irritated since he has been waiting for me for so long all by himself.\u201d By doing so you will receive many blessings. For instance, children raised by a mother who has such a big heart will very likely grow up to be happy upstanding adults even if the parents are too poor to send them to high school or college. On the contrary, if the mother abandons their father, even if the kids go to college and go on to study overseas, they are unlikely to lead happy lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If by chance your husband gets angry and irritated in front of your children it\u2019s best to explain to them, \u201cIf you were ill, you would be like that too. Your father is not a bad person, but he gets in a bad mood because he is in pain.\u201d When you speak to your children this way, they will be able to better understand their father and at the same time be inspired by their mother\u2019s big heart. Taking after their mother, the children will be able to cultivate compassion and develop good character. This is the real education that will help your children become successful in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While taking care of your husband, you may lament, \u201cWhat did I do in my past life to deserve this predicament?\u201d But, if you change your attitude and take care of your husband wholeheartedly, your children will receive many blessings throughout their lives as you will see for yourself in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a woman who complained about having to take care of her husband who had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage which diminished his intelligence to that of a first grader. She wanted to stop caring for him because she had also been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer and needed care herself. Yes, it would be difficult to take care of her husband when she herself is sick. But there is one thing that she didn\u2019t know. She didn\u2019t realize that her life was actually being prolonged because she was doing something worthwhile. Taking care of her husband was not making her condition worse. Instead, it was helping her overcome the fear of her own death and alleviate her pain and loneliness since her focus was on her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think that you will live longer by staying home and doing nothing, but people are much healthier and tend to live longer when they have a job and stay active. If the woman had stayed home by herself and did nothing because of her 4th stage cancer, she would have become more depressed and would have been more fearful of death. Then her health would have deteriorated very rapidly. When you take care of people who are sicker than you are, your life becomes more meaningful. When you are working for other people\u2019s benefit, your body tends to function better and become healthier. In short, although the woman didn\u2019t realize it, her life was actually being prolonged thanks to her caring for her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You should think to yourself, \u201cI am thankful that I am alive today. I am thankful that I am able to take care of someone else. I vow to be the person who will help others until I draw my last breath.\u201d If you have such positive attitude, you will invite good fortune. So far, your marriage has not been ideal, but what you do now will determine the fate of your relationship with your husband. If you are good to your husband, you will have a good relationship. If you do the opposite, you will have a bad relationship. I understand that things must be hard for you, but if you treat your husband with compassion and embrace him warmly, you may even experience true happiness as you yourself change into a more loving person. Being compassionate and keeping a positive attitude ensures that there will be a long-lasting happiness at the end of the short tunnel.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Caring For The Sick Brings Blessings","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"caring-for-the-sick-brings-blessings","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 21:02:55","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 02:02:55","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17844","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":17838,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2023-12-27 20:50:04","post_date_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:04","post_content":"\n

-An extract from Venerable Pomnyun's book, Life Lessons<\/em>-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P:<\/strong> When our parents are alive, we don't realize how precious they are and how grateful we should be for their existence. Once they pass away, we realize how big their presence had been in our lives and regret that we didn\u2019t realize it sooner. Likewise, we don\u2019t feel thankful to our spouses when they are by our sides. We always complain, focusing on the issues that we disagree on. It\u2019s the same with our children. When they are healthy, we want them to do well in school, and if they do well in school, we want them to be outstanding. We focus on our children\u2019s shortcomings and push them to do better. Then, if by some misfortune, the child passes away, we bitterly realize how foolish we have been. Often we gripe and complain about the people close to us and don't realize how grateful we should be to them when they are by our sides, but we feel regretful and miserable when they are gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lady who wept while she told me about her fianc\u00e9 who suddenly died in a car accident. She said, \"When he was alive, he worked hard to help the elderly and the children. However, I always complained and hurt him verbally because I thought he was too idealistic. After his death, I have been feeling increasingly more guilty about my past actions toward him, and I even wonder if I was responsible for his death.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us, like this lady, complain and feel dissatisfied with our loved ones when they are with us, and then, we make ourselves miserable with regrets when they pass away. Would a dead person tell you that he died because you hurt them? The dead remain silent, but this lady kept looking back at the past and had locked herself in a prison of guilt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty and missing her fianc\u00e9 are simply the thoughts and feelings she herself is clinging to. They do nothing for the person who has passed away. Therefore, she should let go of her lingering affection or regrets for her deceased fianc\u00e9 and say goodbye with a light heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is always the errant child who weeps the most when his parents pass away. Children who didn\u2019t bother to visit their parents when they were alive are the ones who cry a great deal when they are gone. Dutiful children have no reason to cry because they did their best for their parents when they were alive. Setting up a fancy grave for the parents or offering huge amounts of food during ancestor memorial services is useless to the deceased parents. Doing something as simple as offering your parents a glass of cold water while they are alive is the action of a dutiful child. Then, calmly saying goodbye to your parents when they pass away is the best thing you can do. Even if you have regrets, it is best to put them behind for your sake as well as that of your parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one can live forever. People are struck with various illnesses. Will crying cure an illness or prevent anyone from dying? So, if your parents are ill, it\u2019s better to prepare them meals, clean their room, and offer them a smile as often as you can instead of crying. If you are anxious all the time and do nothing but cry while thinking, \u201c\u201dWhat will I do if my parents pass away?\u201d your parents will also be unhappy. Even if they were to die tomorrow, if you can smile happily today, your parents will be happy until the moment of their death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a lady who told me that she cried whenever she thought of her mother who passed away 10 years ago in an accident. She asked me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong> \"I prayed for my mother to go to heaven, but does heaven really exist?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response, I quoted the Bible: \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d and \u201cBlessed is she who believed for there shall be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.\u201d It means that she will benefit greatly from believing, \"My mom has gone to heaven.\" instead of wondering whether heaven exists or not. She would feel unhappy if she thought that her mom went to hell, and she would feel empty if she believed there was nothing after one\u2019s death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A daughter should not cry because her mother doesn't appear in her dreams. The more she misses her mother, the harder it will be for her mother's spirit to peacefully leave this world, so it would keep coming back. But since the spirit does not have a body to go back to, it will drift and become a so-called \u201cforlorn wandering spirit.\u201d The daughter should say goodbye to her mother and let her go quickly so that her mother\u2019s spirit can leave this world without attachments to hold her back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A while back, a questioner whose child had died wept in front of me as if the world had ended. I can\u2019t imagine the heartache of a mother who has outlived her child. Still, she had to let go of her dead child in order to live her own life. So, I asked her to say \"Goodbye, my child.\" with a light heart, but she couldn't. She said, \"Goodbye\" weeping copiously with tears running down her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, it is not easy to let go of her child, but saying goodbye should be as light as biting into a crispy rice cracker. If she says goodbye with a lingering attachment like a sticky taffy, her child\u2019s spirit won\u2019t be able to leave this world. We weep because we are sad about the death of a loved ones, but weeping miserably greatly torments the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it is a husband, a child, or a parent who passes away, we should say goodbye with a smile after the funeral. People often burn the clothes of the deceased because it\u2019s so hard to say goodbye. If we are able to let go of our attachments to those who pass away, we won\u2019t have any problems using their possessions. However, since most of us become sad upon seeing their possessions, we burn them to get rid of any attachments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should do our best for our loved ones when they are alive, but let them go with a light heart when they pass away. However, we tend to do the opposite. We give them a hard time when they are with us but hold on to them when they die. Ancestor memorial services and rituals for sending spirits to a good place are actually performed for the peace of mind of the people who are alive rather than for the deceased. If we don\u2019t hold onto the spirits of the deceased, they will leave of their own accord. A problem occurs when we hold the dead back out of our own grief and regrets. Letting go of the deceased from our heart without any lingering attachment is what will actually help the spirits go to a good place.<\/p>\n","post_title":"A Goodbye As Crispy As A Rice Cracker","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"a-goodbye-as-crispy-as-a-rice-cracker","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2023-12-27 20:50:05","post_modified_gmt":"2023-12-28 01:50:05","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=17838","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":14112,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2022-11-25 01:00:00","post_date_gmt":"2022-11-25 06:00:00","post_content":"\n


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Q: How do we make a good choice?<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

<\/gwmw><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: There is no value judgment for any choices you make, there is no good or bad choice. A choice is a choice. So what do we mean by a good choice or a bad choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are actually referring to the result of that choice. We have a tendency to want to choose but we also have the tendency to not want to be responsible for the consequences of that choice. That is why we have a difficult time making choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example. Shall I take out a loan or not? Doesn't matter what you choose. But if you borrow money, you have to pay it back. If you don't want to pay back, then you shouldn't borrow the money in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it's not whether a choice is good or bad, it's what the consequences are, the responsibility that comes with the choice. We have difficult time making choices because we have an innate nature within ourselves to want to borrow the money but not the sense of responsibility to pay it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So choose whatever you want to choose, but when you choose there are consequences. You have to be receptive and be fully willing to accept what the consequences are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So when I chose the path of engaged Buddhism over traditional Buddhism in Korea, I knew there were a lot of issues that came with that choice. I will be thrown off from the actual discipline. There will be renunciation. There will be criticisms. There will be a lot of recriminations. So I could have said, why should I go through all that suffering?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should not say that because I fully recognized that there will be consequences to my choice. So all choices are equal except when you make a choice you have to be aware of the consequences and be willing to accept this consequences.<\/p>\n","post_title":"How Do We Make A Good Choice?","post_excerpt":"Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"how-do-we-make-a-good-choice","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2022-11-13 12:09:08","post_modified_gmt":"2022-11-13 17:09:08","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=14112","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"next":false,"prev":false,"total_page":1},"paged":1,"column_class":"jeg_col_2o3","class":"jnews_block_37"};

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\u201cIt would be better for me to go alone deep into the mountains and practice to my heart\u2019s content.\u201d He went deep into the mountains, about ten kilometers away from the nearest village. He first built a thatched cottage to take shelter from the elements and went down to the village regularly to get food. He had more work to do now than before. The cottage often needed repairs, and he had to walk ten kilometers almost every day to get food from the village. Since he walked long distances, he needed to make straw shoes more frequently than before. Therefore, he didn\u2019t have any time to practice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To make matters worse, he got sick. He went to see a doctor who said his illness was caused by malnutrition and that he needed to drink a glass of milk every day. But how could he get milk in the mountains? So, he went down to the village every day to get a glass of milk. Since this was too time consuming, he bought a couple of goats and took them to his cottage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since he now got milk from the goats, he was spared the trouble of making a trip to the village every day. However, he now had more chores to do than before. He had to tie the goats to posts to prevent them from escaping, feed them regularly, and cut enough grass to feed all of them. He was able to drink milk thanks to the goats, but he had less time to practice as he had to take care of them. In order to solve this problem, he hired a goat keeper.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now he needed to pay the goat keeper. Before, he only had to get enough food to feed himself during his alms round. However, he now also had to get food and money to give to the goat keeper, so his alms round took much longer. He couldn\u2019t let this go on. He thought to himself, \u201cIt may be better to get married than go on like this.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He got married, and he was happy that he didn\u2019t have to pay the goat keeper or do any housework. He thought that he could finally concentrate on his practice. But alas, his wife became pregnant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So the man who left his home and family to become a monk and attain enlightenment got married, had children, and ended up scraping a living just like any other lay person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After hearing this man\u2019s life story, you will probably think that he is very foolish, but most of us live like him. We think that we are always making good choices. However, when we look back later, we can see that tempted by the moment\u2019s comfort and ease, we have forgotten our initial goal and purpose. If a man gets married, he should live accordingly, and if a man leaves home to become a monk, he should also live accordingly. If we have such a clear perspective on life, we will suffer less. However, we are so easily swayed that when things get tough, we say, \u201cMaybe I should become a monk.\u201d Then, after becoming a monk, we envy a layman\u2019s life and say, \u201cPractice is so hard.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We often do foolish things like the Buddhist monk in the story who lost track of his initial goal. At a time like this, we have two options. One is to forget about our initial goals and live according to the situation we are now in. There is nothing wrong with that. The other is to return to our initial goal the moment we realize we deviated from it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People habitually say, \u201cI will be happy when I have money,\u201d or \u201cI will be happy when I get married.\u201d However, they are not happy even though they make money and get married. When they don\u2019t have children, they say \u201cI will be happy when I have a child.\u201d When they have a child, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to elementary school.\u201d When the child goes to elementary school, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to middle school.\u201d When the child goes to middle school, they say, \u201cI will be happy when the child goes to college.\u201d When the child goes to college, they still postpone their happiness. They say that they will be happy \u201cwhen the child gets a job,\u201d \u201cwhen the child gets married,\u201d \u201cwhen I have a grandchild,\u201d and then \u201cwhen the grandchild grows up.\u201d Throughout their lives, people change the conditions that they think they need to be happy, so they end up dying without ever having tasted happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wealth, fame, family, and friends are neither the causes of suffering nor the conditions of happiness. Sometimes, we think these things make us happy, and at other times, we think they make us suffer. If we go back and forth between these two extremes, we will never be free from suffering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are married, instead of being dissatisfied and worrying about things, try to think, \u201cI have a wife(husband), a house and a job. I have nothing to envy in the world. My life is the best.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we accept our lives as they are, we will become free and happy. If we have a goal that we want to achieve, we have to stop the habit of blindly running forward towards that goal. Rather than resolving to change our behavior starting tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, we have to learn to be happy here and now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no right answer in life. We live as we choose to. We hesitate when making choices because we don\u2019t want to be responsible for the consequences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can\u2019t say for certain that life is good or bad. There are only choices and the responsibilities that come with the choices we make. Taking responsibility for the choices we make is to willingly accept the consequences of our choices. If we readily accept the consequences of our actions, we won\u2019t be miserable or resentful no matter what happens.<\/p>\n","post_title":"Choice And Self-Contradiction","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"choice-and-self-contradiction","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2024-06-18 18:21:20","post_modified_gmt":"2024-06-18 23:21:20","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/www.jungtosociety.org\/?p=19676","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":19174,"post_author":"40","post_date":"2024-05-14 01:02:00","post_date_gmt":"2024-05-14 06:02:00","post_content":"\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P<\/strong>: \u201cI still have lingering emotions such as misunderstanding, hatred, agony, and anger towards my wife.\u201d This is a story of a man who was in the process of getting a divorce. He said that he was calmer than when he first decided to get divorced, but he still had negative feelings towards his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple may end up getting a divorce. It\u2019s not important whether one gets divorced or not. What\u2019s important is for people to reflect on themselves and the reasons for getting divorced. That way, they will not repeat the mistakes in future relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The biggest reason behind marital conflict is that both the husband and wife insist they are right. When the wife says to her husband, \u201cYou\u2019re stubborn.\u201d he does not realize that he is being stubborn. He believes that he is right, so he responds \u201cI\u2019m not being stubborn, I am just expressing my thoughts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the wife says \u201cYou get angry and irritated very easily.\u201d the husband will generally retort, \u201cWhy do you think I get angry? When did I get irritated? I got angry because you got angry.\u201d People usually don\u2019t realize how they are expressing their emotions and how they are acting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the wife of the man who is in the process of getting a divorce were asked, \u201cIs your husband understanding or opinionated?\u201d She would probably answer, \u201cHe is very opinionated.\u201d If she were asked, \u201cIs your husband selfish or devoted?\u201d She would probably respond that he is selfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In most cases, how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you are very different. Of course, we cannot be definitive about which perspective is a more objective. However, it is safe to say other people\u2019s perception of you is usually more objective than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my book, Words of Wisdom for Newlyweds, I wrote that people become miserable when they are in a relationship because they want to benefit from the other person. Wanting to benefit from the other person is not necessarily a