Jungto Society
Join live dharma talk with Pomnyun Sunim
  • About
    • Jungto Society
    • Ven. Pomnyun Sunim
    • Our NGOs
    • Visit Us
    • Contact Us
  • Articles
    • Jungto News
    • Pomnyun Sunim
    • Press & Media
  • Library
    • Dharma Q&A
    • Meditation Q&A
    • Wisdom Note
    • Practice Resources
  • Online Programs
    • Live Dharma Talk
    • Jungto Dharma School
    • 1000-Day Practice
    • Sunday Meditation
Donate🧡
  • About
    • Jungto Society
    • Ven. Pomnyun Sunim
    • Our NGOs
    • Visit Us
    • Contact Us
  • Articles
    • Jungto News
    • Pomnyun Sunim
    • Press & Media
  • Library
    • Dharma Q&A
    • Meditation Q&A
    • Wisdom Note
    • Practice Resources
  • Online Programs
    • Live Dharma Talk
    • Jungto Dharma School
    • 1000-Day Practice
    • Sunday Meditation
No Result
View All Result
Jungto Society
No Result
View All Result
Home Dharma Q&A Mindfulness

How Do I Effectively Say “No”?

Selection from a Dharma Q&A session at Union Theological Seminary (Oct. 2, 2014)

March 24, 2021

Q: I have a hard time saying no to people. I end up making promises I don’t want to keep. As a result, I hurt my own relationships with people. How can I effectively say no?

P: Basically, it is because you have a desire to look good to others. You want to be thought of as a good person by others, and you want to be praised by others. That’s very egotistical. That’s why you can’t say no. In fact, even Jesus, who only tried to help people was crucified. Also, even the Buddha was criticized very often during his lifetime. As you can see, even great sages were criticized. Are you as good as the Buddha? If you are not, criticism is something that you should welcome. Do not be afraid of being criticized. You are being very greedy when you want to avoid being criticized. It’s okay for you to say no to the things you can’t do because ultimately you can’t fulfill everybody’s expectations. If you are able to do it, that’s fine. You can go ahead and do it. But if you can’t say no to those things that you don’t want to do, it means you want to escape criticism. So I want you to welcome criticism and learn to live with it. When you are criticized, think about whether you went against the four precepts I spoke about which prohibits hurting others, stealing, sexual misconduct and lying. If you did go against any of them, you need to repent and never do it again. However, if you didn’t, you don’t have to worry about the criticism. It is not a sin for you not be able to help someone who asks for help. If you steal somebody else’s property, that’s a crime. Don’t always try to be a perfect person. Just accept that you will often be criticized.

Q: Thank you.

P: Everybody who is born has the right to be happy. Whatever past experiences you have, you still have a right to be happy here and now. Buddha expressed it this way, “Everybody can be a Buddha.” And Jesus said. “Everybody is the child of the loving God”. So you have to realize how precious you are. You have to live happily. But if you choose to suffer, that’s fine too. If those of you living here in the United States can’t find happiness, it’s not just your problem but a problem for those of us in the rest of the world. People around the world who are in unhappy think, “If I just make it to the U.S, I’ll be happy.” When they come to the United States and find that all of you are unhappy, they won’t have any hope left. Your unhappiness brings despair to the rest of the world. Therefore, all of you here should be happy. I wish happiness to all of you.

Source: Ven. Pomnyun Sunim on Youtube
Via: Jungto Society
Tags: mindfulnessrelationship

Related Posts

What does it mean to focus on the breath?
Meditation Q&A

What does it mean to focus on the breath?

Ven. Pomnyun Sunim's Answer to “What does it mean to focus on the breath?” Selection from Sunday Meditation with Ven....

November 2, 2022
Laying Off My Employees Is Stressful
Social Issue

Laying Off My Employees Is Stressful

Sunim gave a Dharma Q&A session at George Washington University on Oct. 8, 2014

October 18, 2022
Load More

Jungto Society is a community of Buddhist practitioners who seek to free themselves of suffering in their daily lives and to make the world a better place.

EVENTS & PROGRAMS
  • Live Dharma Talk
  • Sunday Meditation
  • 1000-Day Practice
  • Jungto Dharma School 2023
POSTS
  • Dharma Q&A
  • Meditation Q&A
  • Wisdom Note
  • Jungto News
  • Pomnyun Sunim
ABOUT
  • Jungto Society
  • Ven. Pomnyun Sunim
  • Our NGOs

Wisdom For You

When something bad happens…

“Will I become happy if I can regard the bad things that happen to me as not being bad?“

Just as there are no good days or bad days, there are no such things as good things or bad things.
Rather than trying hard not to think of something as bad, you need to realize that there is nothing that is inherently bad in this world.

— Ven. Pomnyun Sunim

Open your cookie every day!
RELATED LINKS
  • JTS America
  • Pomnyun.com
  • Pomnyun Sunim Instagram
  • Jungto Korea
Facebook Instagram Youtube

Copyright © 2022 Jungto Society

Visit Us
Contact Us
Donate
No Result
View All Result
  • Home
  • About
    • Jungto Society
    • Ven. Pomnyun Sunim
    • Our NGOs
    • Contact Us
    • Visit Us
  • Articles
    • Jungto News
    • Pomnyun Sunim
    • Press & Media
  • Library
    • Dharma Q&A
    • Meditation Q&A
    • Wisdom Note
    • Practice Resources
  • Online Programs
    • Jungto Dharma School
    • Live Dharma Talk
    • Sunday Meditation
    • 1000-Day Practice
Donate🧡
Contact Us

Welcome Back!

Login to your account below

Forgotten Password?

Retrieve your password

Please enter your username or email address to reset your password.

Log In
Share

Facebook

Twitter

LinkedIn

WhatsApp

Copy Link
×

Warning: array_sum() expects parameter 1 to be array, null given in /homepages/37/d323469030/htdocs/clickandbuilds/JungtoSociety2021/wp-content/plugins/getJNewsData-w20w8M/class.jnews-social-background-process.php on line 111