Mar 5, 2026 – Hospital Visit and Rest
Hello. A new day has dawned at Dubuk Jungto Retreat Center.
After completing morning practice and meditation, Sunim headed to Busan for treatment of his back pain. His back had been hurting continuously for several days, making it difficult for him to move around. He decided not to schedule any other activities today and to spend time on treatment and rest.
Sunim left Dubuk Jungto Retreat Center at 7:30 AM and arrived in Busan at 9 AM. After completing treatment, he returned to Dubuk Jungto Retreat Center, had lunch, and rested throughout the afternoon. He took time to recover from the fatigue accumulated over two consecutive months of overseas schedules – from emergency relief work in Indonesia in January to the India pilgrimage in February.
After sunset, he worked on manuscript editing and handled some simple tasks in the evening before going to bed early.
Tomorrow, Sunim will visit Oeosa Temple, which was planned during the spring outing for Dubuk elders. He will meet a monk in Gyeongju, tour the Dubuk Jungto Retreat Center farm in the afternoon, and host the Friday Dharma Q&A live broadcast in the evening.
Since there was no dharma talk today, this post concludes with a dialogue between Sunim and a questioner from the Weekly Dharma Assembly on the 5th.
What Should a Mother Do to Support Her Child with Disabilities Toward Independence?
“In the past, one person did almost everything by themselves. Let me give you an example of making clothes. When I was growing up in the countryside, my mother plowed the field, planted seeds, and grew cotton. After growing cotton, she picked the bolls, removed the seeds, carded the cotton into thread, starched it, set up the warp threads on a loom, and wove fabric. She then made clothes from that fabric and even did all the laundry herself. In this way, one person was responsible for the entire process of making a single piece of clothing.
However, work has become increasingly specialized. Some people only grow cotton, some companies only spin thread, others weave fabric, and still others make clothes. We just need to pay money and buy what we wear. We don’t need to plant cotton, spin thread, or weave fabric ourselves. Instead, we each do our own work to earn money. We earn money by making shoes or farm tools and use that money to buy what we need. This is the division of labor system.
These days, the division of labor has become even more sophisticated, and we live by sharing roles like parts of a machine. However, as science and technology develop, there’s also a trend toward integration again. In the past, there were separate people for writing manuscripts, editing, and printing, but now one person can do everything from writing to editing to printing. That doesn’t mean one person can do everything alone, though.
You can think about your concern in the same way. First, you could pay specialists who care for people with disabilities, such as doctors or special education teachers, to take care of your child. Second, you could receive relevant education and training yourself, obtain qualifications, change careers to care for children with disabilities, and care for your own child at the same time. Third, you could maintain your current job while making a bit more time to learn relevant knowledge, leaving your child at a professional institution during the day and caring for her yourself at night. Even without changing careers, you could study to a certain level and provide care for a certain period.
Which choice to make ultimately comes down to how you allocate your time and talents. You could focus on your current job and use the money you earn to send your child to a special school or professional institution. You could learn rehabilitation education to some degree and spend time caring for your child after she returns from school. You could completely switch careers to special education and devote more time to caregiving. You should choose based on what’s more efficient and what your child needs more.
What would I have done if I had a child? Would I have given up dharma talks and everything else to focus only on the child? I would have allocated time to care for the child while maintaining my professional expertise. However, since closeness with parents is very important when children are young, I would have put aside other work in the evenings to focus on being with the child. To do this well, it would be good to receive education and training in caring for children with disabilities, just as education is needed when caring for the elderly.
These days, some people turn caring for their parents into a profession. For example, a nurse who was working and paying for her parents’ care expenses can receive government support if she cares for her parents directly at home. If she gets a large house and cares for her own parents along with other elderly people, it can sometimes exceed her workplace income. This approach is common in the United States. The trend is shifting from large facilities to small-scale home care. With government support of several thousand dollars per person, it covers caring for parents, rent, and living expenses.
In the past, caring for parents was entirely an individual responsibility, but as social security systems have developed, elderly people now receive care through pensions and government support. The trend is moving toward providing compensation even when children care for their parents.
In the future, having and raising children will increasingly become the government’s responsibility. The cost of raising one child is too high to leave it entirely to individuals. In the United States, if parents care for a child with mental illness or disabilities, the government provides necessary expenses. Korea hasn’t reached that stage yet, but it will gradually move in that direction over time.
The reason I’ve spoken at length is to emphasize that this is a ‘matter of choice.’ While your child’s condition is unfortunate, you don’t need to worry too much about caregiving. Although it feels like an individual responsibility now, in the future it will be a responsibility shared by society and the community. Parents of children with disabilities also have the right to live happily. You shouldn’t have to give up your life to care for a child. So whether you entrust your child to professionals and remain faithful to your current job, or receive necessary education to increase the time you directly care for her, is your choice to make.
However, I would like to say this about when the child becomes an adult. If there is a disability, care will continue to be needed regardless of age. We cannot demand independence just because someone has reached adulthood by general standards. However, we must objectively assess whether parental care or professional care is more helpful for the child’s independence. While parental care is warm, it often involves doing too much for the child, which can actually hinder their independence. Professional care may seem somewhat cold and the training process may appear difficult. However, professional care is more effective if the child is to live independently in society. After all, they cannot live by their parents’ side forever.
That’s why I think it’s desirable for parents and professionals to care for the child together until they reach adulthood, and after becoming an adult, for them to live with professionals or in specialized facilities. A child with disabilities is precious, and the lives of the parents raising that child are also precious. We must not neglect the child, but we also must not become overly attached. It’s important to maintain a balanced approach.”
“Thank you. I understand well.”
