I was shocked to see my 4th-grade son molesting a 6-year-old girl

Jan 29, 2025 – Visiting Sujata Academy

Hello. Today, Sunim observed classes at Sujata Academy, toured Jivaka Hospital, and had conversations with middle and high school students.

Today is Lunar New Year in Korea. The Indian community members prepared vegetables, jeon (Korean pancakes), and fruits last night, and set up the ancestral rite table right after finishing the morning practice.

Sunim also participated in the ancestral rite with the community members.  They took turns offering cups of tea and performing three full bows, then recited the Haetaljoo (Liberation Mantra) three times towards the altar for the deceased. Afterward, the members performed New Year’s bows to Sunim.

“Today is Lunar New Year in Korea. Thank you all for preparing for the pilgrimage and cleaning up afterward. I hope everyone stays healthy this year.”

After sharing the ancestral rite food and tteokguk (rice cake soup) with the members, Sunim spoke about the chanting of the Small Heart Sutra during the morning assembly.

“Everyone, the pace of the Small Heart Sutra chanting seems a bit fast. It feels rushed when transitioning from one paragraph to the next. While Jungto Society minimizes Buddhist rituals, we maintain the traditional methods for the morning and evening services, the Heart Sutra, and the Small Heart Sutra. When chanting, it would be good to pour sincerity into it and avoid altering the melody.”

“Yes, we understand.”

Sunim began touring Sujata Academy at 9 AM. Students from 15 villages around Dungeshwari Mountain, including Jagdishpur, Durgapur, Bangalbigha, and some from Mamkoshihil, Amarpur, Gawalbiha, Kanahil, and Bagahi villages, attend Sujata Academy.

First, he visited the 1st and 2nd-grade classrooms and asked the students about their villages, favorite subjects and sports, and which of the art, music, dance, or taekwondo classes they were taking.

“Do you need anything else for your classes?”

“No, we don’t.”

“Is the food delicious? Is there anything else you’d like to eat?”

“No, there isn’t.”

“Do you have enough school supplies like pencils and notebooks?”

“Yes, we have enough.”

“Did your teacher tell you to say everything is sufficient when I ask? (laughs)”

“No. (laughs)”

Today, as Sunim was visiting the classrooms, all the students seemed to have come to school neatly dressed in their uniforms. Compared to the children’s appearance when the school was first established in Dungeshwari 30 years ago, the Sujata Academy students now looked no different from any urban private school students.

Sunim also toured the special classrooms. He visited the library and audiovisual education room, which were recently created by combining two classrooms.

While touring the school library, Sunim asked Ajay, the school’s principal:

“The library seems to have too few books. Is there a way to purchase more?”

“Currently, all the books available in nearby cities like Gaya or Patna are in the library. To buy more, we would need to look in Delhi.”

“Do students use the library often?”

“Yes, it’s used quite frequently.”

Afterward, Sunim visited the 3rd and 4th-grade classrooms. In the past, students would only blink silently when Sunim asked questions, but now they answered confidently and clearly.

Next, he inspected the dance practice room with large mirrors installed, the taekwondo dojang, and the restrooms used by the students.

Then, he visited the 5th and 6th-grade classrooms.

“What are you learning now?”

“We’re learning geography.”

“Let me ask you a question. There are three main types of transportation for people. What are they?”

“Transportation by road, by water, and by air.”

“That’s correct. So, what are some examples of road transportation?”

“Trains, cars, rickshaws, bicycles…”

“Then, which mode of transportation can carry the most goods at once?”

“Trains!”

“No, that’s not correct. You might think that because you’ve only seen trains. The mode of transportation that can carry the most goods is a ship. (laughs)”

Sunim naturally engaged the students in conversations about their studies.  After touring all the elementary school classrooms, he moved on to Jivaka Hospital.

On the way to the hospital, hearing that a monk and a Buddhist from Korea had visited Sujata Academy, he took a moment to greet them.

“Hello, Sunim. We saw you on a pilgrimage with your group in Lumbini recently. We stopped by Dungeshwari hoping to see you, and we’re very happy to meet you in person.”

“Welcome. I’ve been here all day touring the school. I’m on my way to visit the hospital now. Would you like to join me?”

“Yes, thank you.”

Sunim and the guests moved to Jivaka Hospital, where many people were waiting. Outside the building, a woman with an injured leg was waiting to register, while inside, a patient with a burned finger was receiving treatment.

Sunim approached each patient at the hospital, asking in detail why they came, what was hurting, which village they were from, and how they traveled there. There were also parents who came to register their newborn babies.

One student was receiving treatment from Kamiswal for an injury caused by a large object falling from a high shelf onto his foot while his parents were away from home.

Roshini, a Sujata Academy student who has been volunteering at Jivaka Hospital for several years, was also busy moving around as there were many visitors to the hospital that day.

After touring Jivaka Hospital, Sunim moved to the JTS Center with the guests to have tea. Afterward, he headed to Prajnabodhihall to have lunch with the children.

Although he intended to have lunch with the children, it was already past 11:30 AM, and lunchtime was almost over.

As Sunim entered Prajnabodhihall, some children who had finished their meals greeted him with bright smiles and loud voices.

“Welcome, Sunim!”

“Is the food delicious? What do you think would make it taste better?”

The children smiled silently.

After having a meal with the children while sitting on the floor, Sunim moved immediately to the 7th and 8th-grade classrooms.

“Do you volunteer in the morning and study in the afternoon, right?”

“Yes.”

“Is there anyone who doesn’t volunteer?”

“No, there isn’t.”

Sunim asked the students in detail about the volunteer work they were doing. The students were teaching young children in preschools, or if not teaching, they were bathing the preschool children or participating in collective cleaning of the entire school.

He asked the older students about their favorite subjects, future aspirations, subjects they wanted to study more in-depth, or any arts or physical activities they were interested in.

“Are there any preschools where you volunteer that need repairs?”

“I volunteer at Nahulnagar Preschool. There’s a water tap installed, but it’s missing a faucet. It would be easier for the children to use if there was a faucet.”

“I volunteer at Durgapur Preschool. The interior walls need plastering repairs, and there are many sunken areas on the floor that are dangerous for the children. It would be good if the entire place could be inspected.”

The 7th and 8th-grade students looked remarkably mature as they made requests based on the inconveniences and needs of the preschoolers.

Sunim toured all the classrooms non-stop from 9 AM to 3 PM. Afterward, he gathered the middle and high school students in the dharma hall for a conversation.

“I first came here in 1993 to visit Dungeshwari Cave. On the way up to the cave, there were over 100 children begging. I asked why so many children were begging instead of going to school. They said there was no school. I told the villagers that there couldn’t be no school with so many children. After discussing with the residents of Durgapur village, we decided to build a school for the children. I said to the villagers, ‘We’re building a school to educate your children, shouldn’t you do something too?’ They replied, ‘We have nothing.’ So I said, ‘Then at least donate the land to build the school.’ Ten residents of Durgapur village each donated 1 katha of land, and that’s how the first building you see right after entering the school gate was constructed.

At first, there was only one well in the field. The villagers worked together to fetch water from that well and start the construction. I also rented a room in Durgapur village and worked together with them. It was a room where goats used to live, so we moved the goats elsewhere and I lived there. (laughs) I removed the straw on the floor, laid new straw, and slept in a sleeping bag. (laughs)

When we gathered all the village children, there were over 100. We divided them into two classes and found two young men from Dungeshwari village who had completed 8th grade to teach one class each under the trees. That’s how the school started.

Within a year, four classrooms were built. Three were used as classrooms, and one was a living space for the teachers and me. But when cholera spread in this area, the school was turned into a temporary shelter for cholera patients, and I also caught cholera while taking care of the patients. (laughs)

The school was operating with difficulty, but children kept fainting when they came to school. During breaks, they all went under the jujube tree to pick and eat jujubes. Finding this strange, I called Dr. Burma from Bodhgaya to check the students’ health.

‘They’re malnourished. They don’t need medicine, they need food.’

So we started providing meals at school. Then the number of students increased from 150 to 300. Students from government schools in other villages all flocked to Sujata Academy, and we had to add a second floor to the school.

Three years after the school opened, we had our first graduates. This was possible because students who transferred from other schools completed all grades from 1st to 5th. The first graduating class had six students, three boys and three girls. The boys went on to the government school in Sohaipura, but the girls couldn’t go to school. At that time, it wasn’t common for girls to go to middle school. One day, the girls came to me crying and said:

‘The government school is too far, and our parents won’t let us go. Please create a middle school program.’

I explained that we only operated an elementary school program and told them to try convincing their parents to send them to the government school. However, the next year, four more graduates joined, and seven girls came again crying and asking for a middle school program. That year, we started operating a preschool for the first time. Elementary school students were bringing their younger siblings to school, which was disruptive to classes. So we started taking care of the younger siblings separately. I asked the girls who wanted to attend middle school:

‘Can you take care of the preschool children?’

‘Yes, we can!’

‘Then how about taking care of the preschool children in the morning and studying middle school in the afternoon?’

‘That’s great!’

This is how the middle school began. Later, preschools increased in every village, and the number of middle school students also grew. Sujata Academy became a place where students could learn by taking on roles from middle school onwards, while elementary school was focused solely on studying. At that time, most students went to work after graduating from elementary school, so there weren’t many middle school enrollments. However, the number of middle school students gradually increased, and a system was established where middle school students taught preschoolers, high school students taught elementary students, and college students taught middle school students.

Because the students studied diligently while teaching others, Sujata Academy students mostly achieved top scores in government-administered exams. However, for specialized subjects like Sanskrit or English, we had to rely on external teachers for help. The reason I’m telling you about the history of Sujata Academy is because we are different from regular schools. Do you think Sujata Academy is a good school?”

“Yes!”

“Do you think the facilities are better than private schools in Gaya?”

“Yes!”

“That’s why we need to help those in need. While doing well in studies is important, at Sujata Academy, we consider helping those less fortunate than ourselves as the most important thing. Secondly, we must be honest. And whether we do well or not, we must do our best sincerely. That’s why we clean the school ourselves and take care of young children ourselves. Can you also take care of preschool children?”

“Yes!”

“Can 8th-grade students teach 1st and 2nd graders?”

“Yes!”

“Buddha was born a prince and had everything, but upon seeing the suffering in the world, he left the palace. He slept under trees, lived frugally, and dedicated his life to helping those who were suffering. We may not be able to live exactly like Buddha, but we should strive to emulate him. Do you understand?”

“Yes!”

Sunim distributed New Year’s allowances to the students and took group photos with each grade level.

Sunim gathered Sujata Academy graduates who now attend external government schools and volunteer. He inquired about their majors, school life, and graduation requirements to check on the status of higher education. He also emphasized the importance of voluteering and sharing once again, distributed allowances to them, and took a group photo.

Lastly, Sunim gathered the teachers of specialized subjects to express his gratitude.

“Our school is a bit different from other schools. Sujata Academy is run by JTS. At JTS, all staff work as volunteers, and Sujata Academy is also operated by volunteers. That’s why the school is run in a way where older students teach younger ones. However, subjects like Sanskrit, dance, Taekwondo, and English that you teach are areas our students can’t teach themselves. But these are essential subjects, which is why we ask for your help. The teaching fees might not be as high as elsewhere. But if you understand the school’s operational principles and approach this with a spirit of voluteering, we would be grateful.”

The teachers fully understood the school’s operational methods and principles. They bowed their heads in respect. Sunim also gave gifts to the specialized subject teachers and took a photo with them.

Just as the long day’s schedule seemed to be wrapping up, it was reported that a monk from Korea had come to see Sunim.

It turned out to be someone who had participated in the pilgrimage led by Venerable Pomnyun Sunim in 2009. The pilgrimage that year had left such a deep impression that he had not forgotten about Sujata Academy.

“I visited Sujata Academy during the 2009 pilgrimage. At that time, there was no electricity, so we conducted the program in darkness, and Venerable Pomnyun Sunim explained the situation to the group.

‘We could get electricity here too. But to do that, we would have to give a bribe to the government. I didn’t give a bribe, which is why it’s so dark now.’ Sunim’s words from that time have stayed with me for a long time. (Laughs) Today, I was in Bodhgaya on a schedule to walk to and from Pragbodhi Hill. As I was coming down from Pragbodhi Hill and about to walk back to Bodhgaya, I wondered if Venerable Pomnyun Sunim might be here, so I stopped by. I’m really glad to see you like this.”

Sunim also greeted him warmly and said:

“Yes, I’m only in India once a year during this period, so I’m glad we met like this.”

After completing all schedules, Sunim returned to his lodging, proofread manuscripts, had dinner, and rested.
As there was no Dharma talk today, I’ll conclude by sharing a conversation between Sunim and a questioner from the live Friday Dharma Q&A session held in Varanasi on January 24th.

I Was Shocked to See My 4th Grade Son Molesting a 6-Year-Old Girl

“When children don’t turn out to be the good kids parents expect them to be and cause trouble instead, it’s indescribably upsetting for parents. However, you need to think about this more broadly. It feels like a big deal because it’s beyond your expectations, but from a broader perspective, it’s not a big deal.

To understand why your child behaved this way, you need to consult with an expert. First, you should ask an expert whether most 11-year-old boys have sexual curiosity or not. If it’s normal to have sexual curiosity, then the curiosity itself is normal. However, if 11-year-old boys usually don’t have sexual curiosity, then your child might have physical or mental issues that require treatment.

Not everyone can be the same. You might think, ‘How could a child do such a thing?’ but everyone is different. If hormonal imbalances caused sexual curiosity without him realizing it, he might not have been able to control himself. Then you need to consult an expert for treatment. If it’s a hormonal issue, it’s something that happened because he couldn’t control himself, so scolding him for doing something bad won’t fix anything.

If it’s not that, and most 11-year-old boys have sexual curiosity, then the curiosity itself isn’t a disease, but acting on it is the problem. It becomes a kind of ethical issue. In such cases, you should have a conversation with your child like this:

‘You may have sexual curiosity, but acting on that curiosity can cause lifelong trauma to others. Because of this incident, that child might live her entire life in pain. While it was just curiosity for you, it could be tremendous suffering for that child, so you must absolutely refrain from such actions.’

You should apologize to the other child and their parents without making excuses, and if necessary, provide compensation.

If the curiosity itself is normal, then the action should be addressed. If the curiosity is abnormal, it needs to be treated. If the curiosity arising is normal but the action is problematic, you need to have a conversation with your child about how that curiosity can cause pain and hurt to others. It’s important to use this incident as an opportunity to prevent future socially disruptive behavior. If you just scold him, the child might do it secretly. This could lead to more serious incidents. Instead of scolding, it’s important to have a dialogue to make the child realize how much harm such actions without consent can cause to others, and to train him to restrain himself even if he has curiosity.

As a mother, don’t feel burdened or ashamed of such a child. Approach this from the perspective of protecting your child. If the child’s consciousness is abnormal, provide treatment. If it’s normal, help him learn to restrain his actions so he can live a good life in the future. Also, consult with an expert about whether physical affection with his mother might be causing sexual curiosity in the child, or if refusing physical affection might cause more problems. If the child needs treatment, get treatment. If he needs training in self-restraint, help him consistently through dialogue to learn self-control.”

“Yes, he’s currently receiving treatment at a center, and we’ve scolded him and had many conversations. He’s also talking with his father. But whenever that video comes to mind, I keep thinking ‘Why did he do that?’ and it becomes difficult to treat him as usual. I find myself unconsciously avoiding him. I keep delegating things I used to do for him to his father. I know I need to change, but I don’t know how to go about it.”

“Your recurring thoughts about the footage are your problem. Not knowing what to do is your issue. You shouldn’t keep blaming the child for this. The thought that you don’t know whether to let the child come close or not when you think about it is your problem. If you can’t solve your own problems, how can you help the child? Right now, you’re not focusing on ‘how to help the child’ as a mother. You need to focus more on thinking about what help you need to give the child, considering the risks that might come to him in the future.

Also, when the child grows to a certain age, there’s a risk that even the mother might be seen as the opposite sex. So when changing clothes or showering, you need to take certain precautions for the child’s sake. You can’t act the same way as when the child was younger. You can learn this lesson from this incident. Being afraid of the child, disliking the child – these are issues you need to work through yourself, not actions that are for the child’s benefit.”

“Yes, thank you. I understand well.”

Tomorrow, we plan to go on a picnic to Rajgir with the India JTS staff.