Q: “How do we deal with external stimuli if we want to live without agony?”
P: There’s a story in the scriptures. Somebody asked the Buddha:
‘When a bhikkhu meets a woman and he feels a certain desire, what should he do?’
The Buddha spoke of three stages of conduct.
‘Do not meet a woman.’
‘But what if he can’t avoid the situation?’
‘Do not talk to her.’
‘What if he can’t avoid the situation?’
‘Maintain peace of mind.’
There are three ways to deal with external stimuli. First, try to stay away from them. This doesn’t mean to run away from them; it means not creating the conditions that lead to external stimuli. There is a saying: ‘When you see something, you react to it.’ Unenlightened beings tend to be aroused by what they see, hear, or smell. You might like pizza or bread. If you don’t smell pizza or bread, you don’t think about it much. However, if you actually smell the aroma of pizza or bread by accident, you feel a craving for them. So, it’s better try to avoid external stimuli, especially if you’re a beginning practitioner.
But what if you happen to be interested in her and do talk to her? Third, observe your mind: to observe your mind means to maintain your peace of mind.
Q: How do we maintain peace of mind?
In vipaśyanā meditation, we observe our feelings to maintain peace of mind. The first thing that reacts to external stimuli is feeling. Feelings are one of the five aggregates. You should be aware when you feel likes and dislikes, happiness and unhappiness. You might feel a slight fever in your body or your breathing might change. Most of these feelings, if you become aware of them, automatically disappear.
If you fail to maintain awareness of your feelings, they can turn into desires. It’s like starting a fire with flint. Just as a spark occurs when you strike two pieces of flint together, when your sense bases (sadāyatana) encounter external stimuli, a spark occurs. This is what we call vedanā, the feeling. The spark of vedanā is ignited from your karma. When a spark occurs, if you have eliminated all the fuel, then the fire doesn’t spread further. Likewise, if you become aware of a feeling, a sense of liking or disliking might occur, but it does not turn into a desire. A feeling occurs, then disappears automatically.
However, if you forget to maintain awareness of your feelings, then they can turn into desire, as when a fire is fueled by inflammable materials. A feeling turns into a craving in the 12 links of dependent origination. There are two types of craving: craving and aversion. Liking something is a craving, and disliking something is aversion. Depending on the feeling, the feeling of like turns into a craving, and the feeling of dislike turns into aversion.
However, if you sense the feeling early enough, it can be more easily controlled. However, if you fail to recognize it early on and lose control, the anger will keep growing even if you are aware of it. But if you notice your feelings, it begins growing more slowly. Just like a parabolic motion in physics, the speed of growth slows down. That’s how our mind works.
The moment you become aware of your feeling, it starts to slow down and the level of acceleration decreases. However, if you fail to notice your anger, then you will spit it out. You’ll end up saying or acting in an unpleasant manner. If you’ve expressed your anger through words or actions, you need to repent.
Being aware of your feelings.
The Buddha said that there are three ways to control our feelings once we encounter external stimuli. Whether we see, hear, smell, taste, feel, or think, if the sense bases meet with stimuli, we automatically feel something. This, we can’t prevent. A thoughts is also a part of our senses. We can sense your thoughts, just like we can sense what we see.
As a feelings automatically occur based on our karma, we can’t stop feeling comfort or discomfort. Feelings occur. Our practice then is to prevent this feeling from turning into a craving, which is the next step.
If you become aware of your feelings, you might feel comfort or discomfort, but carvings or aversion won’t occur. In Theravāda Buddhism, you can be a saint if you reach the level of being aware of your feelings. It’s different from not feeling anything. It’s a level where you feel things, but you don’t become too attached to your feelings. For example, a dish might taste good, but you don’t crave for more. You just notice that the food tastes good, mild, or salty, but you don’t complain about it or add more salt to it.
Observing Śīla (Pali: Buddhist ethics).
Most of us, however, miss noticing our feelings. The fundamental purpose of mediation is to notice feelings. If you are not aware of your feelings, you end up noticing your attention when it turns to craving. If you notice a craving early on, it’s easier to control. You don’t need to be distressed. However, if you miss noticing the craving early on and notice it only after the desire has fully bloomed, then you need to make a decision. If you feel comfortable about something and it’s good for you, then you can just do it. If you don’t feel comfortable about something and it’s not a must, you don’t need to do it. However, if it’s something that will cause you harm eventually or if it’s something that you don’t want to do but it’s going to bring a lot of benefit to you, you need to decide whether to do it despite the discomfort or to not do it despite the comfort. This is what śīla is about. Śīla prevents a craving from turning into an attachment. So that’s why a practitioner need to observe śīla.
However, if you’ve broken śīla, you need to come back to where you were. This is repentance. The reason why we repent a lot in the process of practice is because repentance is our last line of defense. If you don’t repent, then you can’t call yourself a practitioner. However, you shouldn’t keep repenting. You should observe śīla. By being aware of śīla, you notice when you break śīla and then come back to it. Then there won’t be a problem. However, wen you suppress your desires, pressure occurs and you become stressed. That’s why your faces look unhappy now! (audience laughs)
Suppressing is not practice.
Laypeople wonder, “Why do monks become stressed?” In fact, monks can become stressed more often than laypeople. That is because they need to suppress desires. Some laypeople follow their desires and do as they wish, so they are able to look much brighter than nuns, priests, or monks. Yet while we might be able to easily fulfill small desires, we can never fulfill all of our desires. Eventually, we end up becoming more stressed.
Buddhist practitioners should not suppress desires; we should maintain our awareness of them. If you suppress desires, you will feel unhappy; anger will rise up and will eventually explode. You can’t suppress your feelings forever. Usually, we Koreans can’t suppress more than three times. Thus, the saying:
“I forgave you the first and second times, but not this time.”
That’s how anger explodes after the third time. Suppressing a feeling might be better than carrying out an action out of ignorance, however, strictly speaking, that is not practice. When people say to “polish one’s personality,” it can include suppressing. In terms of ethics, it could be a way of cultivating character, however, that is not Buddhist practice because suppressing is a type of suffering. We become stressed when we suppress. The purpose of practice is to become free from suffering. While observing śīla, if you suppress your desires you will become stressed and it is very likely that you break a principle of śīla again. You need to understand this logic behind śīla. If carrying out your desire is bad for you, instead of suppressing your actions, you should refrain from doing it because you know that it’s not good for you.
These days, people participate in different meditation programs. However, some types of meditation do not emphasize the importance of śīla. It’s not easy to observe śīla, as you need to control your actions and desires. That’s why people don’t want to participate in a mediation program that emphasize observing śīla. People want to meditate only when we don’t mention śīla. They meditate when they can eat and sleep as much as they want, stay in a hotel, meditate only for a few hours a day, and sit on a chair to avoid pain in their legs. People pay a lot of money to participate in these kinds of meditation programs.
However, this is not the way Buddha taught us. I am not saying that this way is wrong, but it can’t make you free or help you reach nirvana. It can bring you tentative joy. Concentration without śīla can’t lead to liberation and nirvana.
That’s why śīla is important. The point is not about strictly observing śīla. The basis of practice should be being aware of our desires and voluntarily controlling them. Meditation without such a basis is nothing more than the pursuit of mental pleasure.
However, śīla is not enough. It is highly likely that you’ll break śīla again if you become stressed from suppressing your desires. Eventually, you should try to concentrate and maintain peace of mind to not emotionally react to external stimuli. If you do not react emotionally and maintain peace of mind, you don’t have to break śīla. This is called forbearance. Forbearance has nothing to suppress. Suppressing is just suppressing. Forbearance does not involve any suffering from suppressing. When you practice forbearance, people might think that you’re suppressing, but you know that you have nothing to suppress.
You should distinguish between suppression and forbearance. In the Diamond Sutra there is a phrase: “A long time ago, a king would stab and cut me, but I didn’t reproach him at all.” This state of having nothing to suppress is forbearance. Whether it’s possible or not, this is the definition of forbearance. Do not stab each other to test yourselves! (audience laughs)
While facing external stimuli, if you can maintain awareness in so much detail that you are aware of your feelings, then you can maintain calmness of mind, as you won’t have a craving. People will say that you are not affected by external stimuli.
“Oops, I’ve made a mistake.”
If you have reacted emotionally to an external stimulus, you should be aware of the aroused feeling, but you need to control it, realizing that it could bring harm to you. Instead of suppressing your feelings and desires, you should be aware that following such desires would bring harm to you and observe śīla. Then you won’t act upon it.
If you happen to act upon it, you can repent, saying: “Oops, I’ve made a mistake.” Thinking, “I’ve committed a horrible sin.” is remorse, not repentance. You need to just think, “Oops, I’ve made a mistake,” and then return to where you were.
This is how you react to mistakes. Thinking, “Nothing can affect me” with determination is just the will of mind. That’s not how things actually work. That’s why there is an ancient saying: “When the wind blows, leaves shake. When the wind stops, leaves stop shaking.” However, ignorant people shake whether there is wind or not. It’s because they’ve become accustomed to shaking.
If practice goes wrong, however, you try not to shake at all, whether there is wind or not. Not shaking at all is not the right way. You might shake when the wind blows, but you should know when to stop. When you face an external stimulus, you can’t help reacting to it. Depending on your level of awareness, you might shake or you might stay still. Sometimes you make mistakes. You need to keep practicing little by little and try not to shake. But practitioners tend to expect too much from themselves and end up becoming frustrated. That’s why you think, “I practiced for four years, but I keep failing. I want to quit.”
Practice is a process of experiencing and learning.
Buddhism as a religion is mainly about wishing good fortune, trying to get help, and trying to go to heaven after death. Buddhism as philosophy is mainly about studying the logic and learning the doctrine. However, Buddhism as practice is about experiencing. It’s important to experience while getting to know the logic.
In the Heart Sutra, there is an expression: “The perfection of wisdom is truly the profound mantra, truly the luminous mantra, the highest mantra, peerless mantra.” This means belief, understanding, practice, and attainment. “The perfection of wisdom” is beyond just knowing something. It means a clear enlightenment. A clear enlightening is more profound than any belief, brighter than any understanding, higher than any practice, and peerless to any other attainment. This is what the phrase means.
Buddhism as practice is about practicing and experiencing. Practice means you need to experience things yourselves. You need to fall, to make mistakes, and to get up again and make these experiences truly your own.
Q: Thank you.
P: Practice is a process of experiencing and learning. It’s better to have belief and understanding as bases. However, belief and understanding without practice and experience can’t make our lives truly happy.”