P: Since we have been given the gift of life, we should make it beautiful. However, we trap ourselves in the perceptions we have created with our thoughts and make ourselves miserable. I encourage people to think positive thoughts such as “My husband is a good person.” or “My wife is a good person.” According to the teachings of the Buddha, there is no such thing as a good or a bad person, but if people are going to form perceptions, they would be better off having positive ones. Likewise, if they are going to have dreams, it’s better to have a good dream than a nightmare. In sum, if you are positive, you will become happy.
If you have formed any negative perceptions in your mind, you should try to get rid of it. To do so, you need to repent and aspire to form positive perceptions. That is why I advise people to have positive thoughts such as “My husband is a good person.” or “My wife is a good person.” People should always have positive thoughts in their everyday lives, but it’s not easy, especially at the beginning.
Therefore, we should constantly reflect on the state of our minds, so we can let go of any hatred we are holding on to. In addition, we must become aware of any mistakes we have made unconsciously, repent, and vow never to make the same mistakes again. When we continue to do this, we will one day find ourselves changed and happy. When we consciously monitor our perception based on rationality, our destinies will gradually change.
When we disapprove of someone, we feel miserable, but when we begin praying and manage to let go of our obsession over that person, we become happy. However, that happy state doesn’t last long because when we notice our husband or our children changing a little in a positive direction, our expectations increase. Rather than focusing on changing ourselves, we wish for other people to change.
When we notice a member of our family unexpectedly begin to change for the better, we appreciate it, but at the same time, we also become greedy and think that if we pray a little harder, they will show even more improvement.
However, if they don’t change any more despite our earnest prayers, we become frustrated. It’s true we feel happy when our husbands or children or friends change for the better, but it’s dangerous to make that our source of happiness. Whether they change or not is their business. In order to become truly free, we should focus on our own practice regardless of their change.
The change in people around you is only a very small effect of your practice. Therefore, when you regard their change as a miracle and focus on changing them, you will become miserable. This is not to say that it’s better for those around you not to change. In fact, it’s none of our business whether they change or not. If they change, it’s good for them, and if they don’t, it’s their problem.
Your happiness can be constant when you are not affected by whether others change or not. It’s a good thing that your husband or children change for the better, but you should not think it happened as a result of your prayers. You should just be thankful rather than be happy for any improvements. Instead of thinking, “I am so happy that my husband has changed.” you should think, “I am so thankful that my husband is happy.” If your happiness depends on the behavior of others, you may fall back into misery according to their behavior.
You must focus on your own practice to be strong and calm even when you are struck by a disaster or hit by tragedies, such as the death of a loved one or your child getting into an accident. An accident can be resolved, an illness can be treated, and death can be accepted. Your mind should remain stable at all times.
However, if you are affected by things that happen around you and constantly think about the reason that you like or don’t like something, you will never be free from suffering. You can become truly free if you continue to cultivate your mind regardless of the things that happen to you.
Then, you can become more free tomorrow than today and become happier tomorrow compared to today. No matter what your family members may have done, they have their own lives. Regardless of how you may have lived until now, you must become happy first and foremost in the midst of everything. As you continue to cultivate your mind, you will wake up one morning and experience a whole different world. Thus, the Buddha once said,
Even if a man fighting alone wins a thousand battles, winning against himself is far more glorious. A man who conquers himself is the wisest and is called a hero among heroes.
When we love and understand others, we feel lighthearted and happy. When we help and take care of others, we are the adults and the owners of our own destinies. It is a way that will make us beautiful, more so than wearing pretty clothes or having high positions in society. Then, we lead lives that are dignified and peaceful, and colored as beautifully as fall foliage.
The path of truth leads us to freedom and happiness. The path must be beneficial to us and others in the present and in the future. A path which benefits only us and not others or only others and not us is not sustainable. If we do something that only benefits us and is detrimental to others, we will have to deal with the consequences later in life. If we sacrifice ourselves to benefit others, we won’t be able to keep doing it for a long time. Consequently, in order to have sustainable happiness, we must choose a path that is beneficial to everyone.
If you make a choice that is good for now but may be harmful later, you will regret it. On the other hand, if you decide to do something that is good for the future but bad for you now, you will have a hard time doing it and be miserable. Therefore, you must choose a path that is good for both the present and the future. I hope you fully enjoy a sustainable happiness on the path of truth that is beneficial to you and others in the present and the future.
