When Stress Fell Away: A Lay Practitioner’s Encounter with the Dharma

I am so fortunate and grateful to Venerable Pomnyun Sunim and Jungto Society for their generous efforts to spread the Dharma to English speakers such as myself.

Though I am based in the Los Angeles area, when I learned that Sunim would be available for an English-speakers tea in Seattle, I decided I would do whatever was needed to be a part of it.

Sunim’s compassion and willingness to take questions from lay practitioners like myself has been an incredible gift over the years.

I asked Sunim for some help through a confusing, stressful divorce settlement process. I have two teenagers with special needs and my soon to be ex-husband had previously agreed to pay for child support he owed me for the last three years, plus child support for the next two years, and to set aside some money from the sale of the family home for the children’s health and education. I had spent all my savings caring for the children after he moved out and was out of funds. One of my teens has been so ill that I have needed to be home with her 24-7 and so I have been unable to work.

When my husband changed his mind about setting aside money for the children’s needs, barely leaving anything for them, I felt stressed as I wanted to finish the settlement process but it would mean agreeing to let go of what he owed me and the children. He also would not leave any support for them for the future. I had also recently had a brain surgery and it became clear to me that my children’s father was not going to care for the children if something happened to me.

Sunim in his compassionate way was able to be with me in my struggle and helped me shift my perspective. He mentioned my “stress” and told me that there was no problem. The law was there to decide things and that I did not need to suffer. Sunim helped me see what I was unable to see about my situation. 

Sunim reminded me that we enter the world alone and that we exit it alone. My older daughter was already a legal adult and if the law did not dictate that my husband provide for her anymore, even if he had promised it once upon a time, that he could change his mind. My younger daughter was not an adult and of course I should still do my best to push for what was due for my younger daughter according to the law.

If I needed to involve attorneys, I could choose that too, while also understanding the potential consequences of such a decision. I mentioned that I had been doing my best to resolve the divorce settlement between my husband and myself rather than involve attorneys knowing the additional cost and time that would require.

Sunim asked me what I would think about this situation ten years into the future – what would I think looking back at this moment in time. Was it important? Maybe not, I realized. It wasn’t that important in the long view.

Sunim helped me recognize this was not a situation that required any suffering. Marriage was a social contract and a legal one. The law would protect according to the existing laws. If I gave more than the law allowed, that would be my choice. I could certainly do my best to fight for what was due to me and my children according to the law.

My stress was released. I did not need to suffer. This was something I had to navigate but the suffering was unnecessary. I will choose to ask for what is due to me and my children with regard to the current laws, but beyond that, I did not need to struggle or suffer for wanting more.

I continue to be grateful to Venerable Pomnyun Sunim and Jungto Society and the volunteers who make Sunim’s wisdom and compassion accessible to non-Korean speakers like myself. As I learn to let go and live the Dharma, and get confused along the way, I so appreciate the opportunity to learn how to be happy and the owner of my life.

—

Anyone can ask any question to Venerable Pomnyun Sunim at his online Live Dharma Talk events. For registration, please click here. The next event is on February 21, 2026 in US timezones.