Apr 21, 2026. Travel from China to Korea
Hello. Following yesterday’s itinerary, Sunim visited several additional sites in China today for the Northeast Asia historical tour before returning to Korea.
Sunim began the day with early morning practice and meditation. After breakfast, he spent the entire day surveying Northeast Asian historical tour sites. To catch the 6 PM flight from Shenyang Taoxian International Airport to Incheon International Airport, he arrived at the airport with time to spare. After completing check-in procedures and boarding the plane, he arrived at Incheon Airport around 8:30 PM following a 1.5-hour flight.
After collecting luggage at the airport and returning to the Seocho-dong Jungto Center, it was nearly 10 PM. Sunim unpacked, reviewed manuscript corrections, and concluded the day’s activities.
Tomorrow, he will attend a religious leaders’ meeting and morning Weekly Dharma Assembly, followed by meetings and the POSCO Chung-Am Prize ceremony in the afternoon, and will give a Dharma talk at the Dharma Hall for the evening Weekly Dharma Assembly. Since there was no Dharma talk today, this post concludes with a past Dharma Q&A session.
I Was Sued for Stalking and Trespassing During Divorce Proceedings
“That’s not something you should endure. If it’s fortunate he came home, why endure? Enduring means you’re thinking ‘He should come home early but he’s coming late,’ which causes stress.”
“I tried not to get stressed. Even though he drank three times a week, I chose to let it go and carry on with my life. Then I became pregnant. After more than ten years in a sexless marriage, and because I so deeply wanted a child of my own, I was finally able to conceive through IVF after much difficulty.
After giving birth and raising the child, when the divorce proceedings began, the other party took the child from kindergarten and disappeared. For six months, the child couldn’t attend kindergarten, and I couldn’t see my child. When I went to my in-laws’ house to find my child, they sued me for stalking and also for child abuse. They brainwashed the child to create false recordings and took the child to a psychiatrist to obtain a diagnosis stating it would be better not to meet the mother.
During the police investigation, they notified my workplace of the suspected charges, socially devastating me. Of course, I received a non-prosecution decision, but I almost lost my will to live due to the cruelty of the child’s father who used even the child’s emotions as a tool to destroy a woman’s life.
So today, I would like to ask the Sunim three questions. First, if the law cannot judge all these evil deeds, does karma and cause and effect really exist in this world? I want to know if the consequences will be received in this life or the next. Second, since he’s the child’s father, it’s difficult to cut off contact forever, but just thinking about it gives me chills. I’m curious how to break this terrible karmic bond. Third, I wonder whether I should tell the child the truth about the father’s actions, or glorify him as a good and wonderful person for the child’s sake.
Although married life was difficult, after reading ‘Sunim’s Wedding Sermon,’ I lived without divorcing, letting things be with the mindset of doing 108 bows, but I came to ask this question because this is how things turned out.”
“So it’s my fault after all? (Audience laughs) Listening to this, it’s my fault after all. (Sunim laughs)
First, the karma you’re thinking of doesn’t exist. The concept of karma that people talk about is a concept of ‘revenge.’ The idea that if someone hits me once, I should hit back, and if I couldn’t hit back, then in the next life I’ll hit them or I’ll get hit by someone while walking down the street – this is not the Buddha’s teaching. ‘Karma’ is a concept that people in the past created to free themselves from injustice, regardless of specific religions. Thoughts like ‘That person will receive divine punishment, they won’t go to a good place’ are consolation for resentment. While this is effective for releasing resentment, it’s not a matter of whether it’s true or not. It’s a matter of belief.”
“I believe that what one does returns to oneself.”
“That should be interpreted this way: By hating that man, I suffer. This is what ‘going out from me and returning to me’ means. It doesn’t mean that person will definitely be punished for doing bad things. What you’re thinking of is the concept of revenge. Right now, you’re filled with revenge. Buddhism is not a teaching of revenge. In Buddhism, karma means that if I have revenge in my heart, I suffer. It’s not ’cause and effect retribution (因果應報)’ but ’cause, condition, and effect (因緣果報).’ The ‘應’ in ‘應報’ means to punish. That’s why when you asked if that person will be punished, I said no.
If karma existed as you think, could you go to heaven after death or not? (Audience laughs) You couldn’t. Have you all killed and eaten many living beings or not? (Laughter) If we receive exact retribution for what we’ve done, shouldn’t you all be sliced for sashimi, boiled, and grilled to be eaten? If it were karma, that’s what should happen.
Not thinking about what I’ve done and only thinking about what others have done is a wrong concept of karma. In the past, there was also the concept of excessive revenge. The idea that if someone does wrong, they must be killed. The Code of Hammurabi says ‘an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth,’ but this didn’t mean to take revenge – it meant not to take excessive revenge. If someone took my eye, I should only take their eye; if they took my tooth, I should only take their tooth and not revenge further. It was a law created to prevent excessive revenge in an era when revenge was taken for granted, as the side effects of excessive revenge were severe.
Even today, there’s much excessive revenge driven by hatred. When you say ‘I believe,’ you’re thinking that your husband should receive divine punishment. However, the teaching of truth is not about revenge. The God of the Old Testament has a strong concept of punishment. In the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, punishment is given for not believing. But Jesus transformed that God into a God of love. That’s why He said ‘Lord, forgive them’ even to those who crucified Him. We would have said ‘Send those two to hell!’ (Laughter) But Jesus spoke of forgiveness. So first, the karma you’re thinking of doesn’t exist. What was your second question?”
“How can I break this terrible karmic bond?”
“Just let it be. With the mindset of ‘Live well.'”
“But I have to keep in contact with him because he’s the child’s father.”
“Why contact him just because he’s the child’s father?”
“I have to let him meet the child.”
“Then you only need to relate to him as the child’s father. You don’t need to have a romantic or marital relationship. If you don’t even want that, there’s nothing you can do. Then you’d have to give the child to him.
There’s food with poison, but I want to eat it. What should I do? Either don’t eat it or eat it and die – it’s one of the two. If you don’t want to have a relationship with your ex-husband, you need to cut ties with the child too. If you want to see the child and must meet, you have to have a relationship with your ex-husband too. That’s what social law dictates. The child isn’t yours alone. That kind of thinking is also self-righteous.”
“I was able to have my child through IVF without engaging in sexual relations.”
“These days, how a child was born isn’t important. There’s also something called surrogacy. A woman’s egg and a man’s sperm are fertilized and placed in another woman’s womb to give birth. And the surrogate mother receives money. By old concepts, the person who gives birth is the mother, but a surrogate has no rights to the child. The person who paid has the rights. I don’t know if this is desirable, but that’s how the law works. Even if I gave birth, it might not be only my child. Even if I gave birth through IVF, if my husband’s sperm was involved, legally the rights to the child are fifty-fifty.”
“I want to talk about the moral aspect rather than the legal one.”
“Your couple already has a dispute. Having a dispute means it can’t be resolved morally anymore. So only the legal part remains. That’s why for your second question, I’m telling you that if you want to raise the child, you must recognize the legal rights of the child’s father. For your third question about whether to tell the child the truth about the father or say he’s a wonderful father – you don’t need to say he’s a wonderful father, nor do you need to say he’s a bad father. Just say he’s the father.
If everything you said is true, the court ruling wouldn’t have come out that way. A restraining order against your husband regarding the child would have been issued. I think you might be too caught up in your own thoughts, filled with anger.”
“Isn’t taking the child from kindergarten essentially kidnapping? But instead, I was sued by my in-laws for trespassing and stalking. The child hasn’t been able to attend the kindergarten they were attending well for six months.”
“From your perspective, it seems that way, but the husband is also a parent, so he has the right to take the child. Instead of going to the other party’s house, if you file a missing child report, you can legally bring the child back. But if the child isn’t definitely at the husband’s house and you go there without the homeowner’s permission, it could constitute stalking or trespassing.
For example, let’s say your husband had an affair at some woman’s house. If you angrily barge into that house, grab collars and fight, what happens? You get sued for trespassing. While it’s emotionally understandable given your frustration and injustice, legally you’ve trespassed. Because people are defined as having the right to control their own bodies as they wish. Of course, you can sue for adultery and claim damages. But entering someone else’s house is trespassing, and grabbing hair is assault.
The other party can sue you for trespassing. After investigation, it might be dismissed or prosecuted. This is their legal action. The opposite situation is the same. You can also sue your husband for kidnapping the baby. That might be recognized or dismissed. Calling this an immoral act is wrong thinking.
Right now, you’re filled with too much anger. This torments you and doesn’t help solve the problem.
Legally, the mother has the greatest rights to the child. However, if the other party claims ‘the baby’s mother has mental problems,’ you might lose the child. So you need to calm your anger, wait a bit more calmly, and respond legally step by step.
When a dispute arises, neither side can be said to be 100% right. Listening to your story, it seems you’re completely right, but if we listen to the other party’s story, they also have their position. Such matters should be resolved through trial. During trials, everyone speaks to their advantage. In the news, we see first instance rulings being overturned in the second instance. Everyone makes their own claims. When they lose the trial, they say ‘the judiciary is all corrupt.’ Anyone becomes like this when angry. You need to acknowledge that each person has something to say from their perspective. 
To summarize once more: First, the belief that the other person will receive divine punishment through karma is just our belief, not a fact. It may or may not happen. Second, the chain of bad karma cannot be broken unless you give up on the child. As long as you maintain a relationship with the child, it cannot be severed. This isn’t bad karma; it’s simply karma. Just as I have the karma of being the child’s mother, the other person has the karma of being the father. That’s all there is to it. As for the third question, there’s no need to say he’s a wonderful father, nor is there a need to say he’s a bad father. If you tell the child the father is bad, it will hurt the child. If you think he’s not good but tell the child he’s a good father, that’s a lie. It’s not right for a mother to lie to her child. So just tell the child ‘father’ – that’s all you need to say.”
“Yes. Thank you.”
