Apr 10, 2026 – India Schedule Day 2
Hello. Today, Sunim spent his second day in India.
Tomorrow, Sunim plans to visit Sujata Academy and spend the day there.
Since there was no Dharma talk today, this post concludes with the Dharma Q&A content from last Wednesday’s Weekly Dharma Assembly.
As I Get Older, There Are Fewer People I Can Truly Share My Heart With
“How to live? Just live. (Audience laughs) As you get older, your body will hurt. When you drive a car for a long time, it’s bound to break down here and there.
The same goes for me. Last year, my left knee hurt, so I went to the hospital and they said my meniscus was torn. Sunim travels not only domestically but all over the world, and when exploring, I have to climb up and down high mountains. Being told to be careful with my legs narrows my range of activities. It felt like as big a deal as telling a soccer player not to use their feet. For my activities, not being able to move around freely because of leg pain is indeed a big problem, but I don’t fear or suffer because of it. It’s not that I don’t go to the mountains because my legs hurt, but I go slowly and carefully to the extent that it doesn’t strain my legs.
And after a while, my left arm started hurting, so I got treatment, but it didn’t get better. I went here and there but it didn’t heal easily, so I got an MRI and they said it was a neck disc problem. They said it wasn’t serious enough for surgery but wouldn’t heal easily. Somehow I managed to get it a little better. But this time, my right shoulder hurt, so I went to the hospital and they said the tendon was torn. Then my left side hurt a lot and I suffered again. Just when it got a little better, this time my right leg hurt. I tried acupuncture and bone adjustment, but it didn’t get better. So I had no choice but to get an MRI, and they said my back disc problem was old and pressing on nerves, causing severe leg pain.
So, having grown up in the countryside where it wasn’t easy to go to the hospital, I had a habit of enduring pain, and when I endured it, it would get better. Because of this habit, I couldn’t get treatment right away when I was sick and made the illness worse by enduring it. My tooth hurt, and after enduring it for years, I went to the dentist and they said the root was damaged and the tooth had to be pulled. Otherwise, the gums would recede due to inflammation. Like this, abnormalities suddenly occurred in my body one after another. Some of you might think, “Is this the year of misfortune?” (Laughter) But this is a natural phenomenon that comes with aging. As we get older, it’s not easy to be careful according to our physical age. Most people live according to their habits, but since the body can’t keep up, it breaks down here and there. I’m no different.
As We Get Older
This isn’t something that can be solved by practicing the Dharma. Being free from pain isn’t the Way; it’s a phenomenon that occurs as time passes and we age, so accepting this phenomenon naturally is the Way. As you get older, you have many occasions to attend funerals. You receive obituaries every other day. Constantly hearing about someone’s death means you’re getting old. As you age, you suffer because your parents die, you suffer because your friends die, and so on in that order. More people around you go to nursing homes, so there are more hospital visits to make. These are all signs of aging. This is how life flows.
As time passes for a long time like this, you often part ways with people you knew. Conversely, opportunities to meet new people also increase. This is a natural phenomenon.
When you’re young, it doesn’t take long to meet new people and become close. Young children become friends easily even when they first meet. They quickly play together intimately because they don’t calculate gains and losses. But it takes adults a long time to meet and become close. The fact that you find it difficult and burdensome to meet new people now is the same as saying you’re old. These are all problems that arise from aging. So if you think that worrying about parting with close acquaintances and finding it difficult to meet new people is all because you’re old, there’s no problem at all. Even if someone dies, I’m old; even if someone leaves, I’m old; even meeting new people, I’m old – if you think this way, there’s no problem at all. This isn’t a disease or a problem. You just need to be aware of and accept that you’re old. Just as various parts break down when your body is old but you live the same way with only a young mind, you have many worries because you think like when you were young. Now you’re old.
Because you’re old, many people part ways, people die, and you also meet new people. So if meeting new people when you’re old is burdensome, you can reduce the number of people you meet. If I know 100 people and they part ways or die one by one, the number of people I have relationships with decreases. It’s already complicated enough – do you need to replenish that even when you’re old? If necessary, you can meet new people, and if it’s burdensome, it’s okay not to make new encounters. You can also play alone while meditating. And when meeting new people, it takes time because both parties have a lot. Whether material or spiritual, it’s because we have a lot. Young children make friends quickly because they have nothing. But we have a lot, so when dating any man or woman, we keep thinking things like ‘Is this person after my wealth?’ or ‘Do others see this person as okay?’ That’s why it’s difficult to date. Children don’t think about such things at all. So they quickly get along and play together. They stick together quickly like magnets and become close.
If You Let Go of Attachment, You Can Befriend Anyone
Even when we’re old, if we let go of attachment, we can easily befriend anyone. We have a lot of experience too. And after living for a long time, don’t you feel that there aren’t really any special people? If you look closely one by one, this person and that person are different, but after living for a long time, this person or that person, there’s not much difference – they’re just people. So it’s less burdensome. It’s okay whether you meet or don’t meet.
Are there specific people to meet? (Laughter) Why do you find meeting people burdensome? Just meet, talk, and part.”
“I seem to prefer people with similar tastes or interests.”
“It’s nice to meet people with similar tastes and interests, but such encounters become rare as you age. So it’s fortunate if you meet similar people, but since the probability of finding such people is very low, you have to wait a long time to meet such people.
Don’t Insist on One Thing, Respect Diversity
If tastes are different, it’s good because there’s diversity. When going to a restaurant, do we have to eat the same ramen or jajangmyeon? I can eat jajangmyeon and the other person can eat jjamppong (spicy seafood noodle soup) or bibimbap. Like that, even when going to a field together, one person can take a walk, one person can pull weeds, and one person can look at flowers. Do two people have to look at flowers or pull weeds in exactly the same way? This becomes difficult as you age. As you get older, you need to allow for more individual preferences.
Have you heard about graduation from marriages in Japan when people get old? In Japan, many people get twilight divorces when they’re old. What’s the reason? In the past, married couples had to live together unconditionally, but as we age, our personalities naturally emerge. But if the idea that we must do everything together is too strong, it becomes suffocating and people separate. Individually, they live separately like divorced people. For example, if a man grew up in the countryside, he might want to go back to the countryside when he’s old to farm and live a rural life, while the woman says she won’t go because there are many bugs and lots of work in the countryside. When the wife says she wants to paint or do other things, don’t try to unify everything into one – live freely on your own.
If there was a male student you liked during your school days, shouldn’t you meet him once before you die? Even if it’s not a romantic relationship, shouldn’t you have the right to meet and have a conversation? Can’t you do even that because you’re married? The same goes for men – if there was a female student I liked in elementary school, I can visit her once, see how she’s living, and when you actually meet like that, your illusions are often shattered. (Laughter) That’s why people have graduation from marriages.
Even without graduation from marriages or divorce, as we age, we need to allow each other a bit more diverse freedom individually. Marriage exists to make us happy, so why should we be bound by constraints? In Europe, laws related to marriage were originally created to protect couples. But since those laws greatly restrict individual freedom, people think, ‘We can decide to live together and separate on our own, why do we have to go to court to decide?’ So they don’t register their marriages at all. More than half of married people haven’t registered their marriages. This doesn’t mean they live immorally as we might think.
It’s a matter of consciousness – why should the state be involved in our decision to live together or separate? It’s not about whether it’s good or bad. We need marriages that respect each other’s opinions and freedom. Even in marriage, individual freedom is respected, but you don’t respect individual freedom even in making friends and want to meet people according to your preferences – that’s a very self-centered statement.
So don’t insist on such tastes or interests, and meet various people, saying this person is good and that person is good too. Don’t just like dogs, look at cats and squirrels too. Don’t say you only like one flower, look at various flowers. I hope you’ll have a perspective that respects such diversity.”
“Yes. Thank you, Sunim.”
