Jan 6, 2026. Hospital Visit, Neck Disc Treatment, Rest
Hello. Morning has dawned at Dubuk Jungto Retreat Center.
After completing his morning practice and meditation, Sunim got in the car and headed to Pusan National University Yangsan Hospital.
His elder brother from his secular family, who had lived in the United States for a long time, had returned to Korea for treatment due to a serious illness. Upon hearing that his condition had worsened recently but was now recovering, Sunim went to visit him. After checking on his health condition, Sunim helped ease his mind and left the hospital room.
Currently, Sunim is experiencing pain in his shoulder and arm due to a herniated cervical disc. Since a doctor who knows Sunim well offered to provide treatment, he decided to receive treatment while at the hospital. However, the treatment process was extremely painful.
After completing the treatment, Sunim visited his sister-in-law at a nursing home and then headed to his elder sister’s house. He arrived at his sister’s house at 1 PM and exchanged warm greetings. Today was his sister’s birthday. Despite his busy schedule, Sunim visited his sister, who was delighted by his visit and lovingly prepared various dishes including homemade acorn jelly.Thinking it might be difficult to visit often in the future due to her advanced age, they spent time sharing a meal and having various conversations, though it was brief.
After expressing his gratitude to his sister, Sunim returned to Dubuk Jungto Retreat Center. Members from Asian branches including Indonesia, the Philippines, and Japan were waiting for Sunim at the retreat center.
Sunim got out of the car and exchanged warm greetings.
“Welcome. I’ve been experiencing a lot of pain in my shoulder and arm due to a herniated cervical disc lately, and I received treatment this morning. The treatment was so painful that I’m not feeling well right now. I’d like to ask Dharma Teacher Myodeok and Mr. Noh Jae-guk to guide you in my place.”
“Please don’t worry about us and get plenty of rest. We’re truly grateful just for the opportunity to see you.”
Sunim presented each of the Asian branch members who had traveled from afar with a copy of his recently published book.
“Let’s at least take a commemorative photo together.”
After taking a group photo, Sunim bid farewell to the Asian branch members.
The Asian branch members toured Dubuk Jungto Retreat Center while Sunim rested throughout the afternoon.
After sunset, Sunim spent the evening proofreading manuscripts and handling various tasks before concluding his day.
Since there was no Dharma talk today, this post concludes with a dialogue between Sunim and a questioner from a Dharma Q&A held in London during last September’s European lecture tour.
How Should I Live with a Terminally Ill Wife and Two Children?
“If you cling to past standards, life becomes unbearably difficult. However, if you think about it differently, it might not be such a difficult problem after all. I knew someone who had assets worth about 40 billion won. During the IMF crisis, he suffered huge losses from stock investments and ultimately made an extreme choice. When his brother living in America came to Korea to settle the estate, the remaining assets were about 5 billion won. From the perspective of 40 billion won, 5 billion won might feel like ‘complete ruin.’ But from an ordinary person’s perspective, that’s still a considerable fortune. Life ultimately depends on where you set your standards.
If you set your standard as a couple living happily with their children, your wife’s death will feel like a bolt from the blue. However, just because your wife passes away and you’re left with two children doesn’t mean life becomes impossible. Even when people marry for love, living together often brings interference and conflicts, and sometimes you might feel annoyed and want to live alone. From this perspective, your partner has left this world before you could say you wanted to separate, so now you can simply live alone. I too have lived alone all this time. I even brought a North Korean refugee child to the temple, raised him, and sent him to university. If I could raise someone else’s child like that, what’s so difficult about raising your own two children?
If living alone feels too lonely, you can remarry. In a world where people divorce and remarry even after living well together, why shouldn’t you remarry after your wife passes away? You can remarry and live with your children together.
If that choice feels a bit complicated, it doesn’t have to be marriage. You could have a girlfriend. Though having a girlfriend might cost a bit more than having a wife. (laughter) When a wife raises children, she does it out of love without counting the cost, but a girlfriend is someone else, so you’d need to pay for her time. That’s something you’d have to accept. There’s always a cost when someone else takes care of your children.
From my perspective, the person who truly needs concern right now isn’t you, but your wife who is suffering from illness. When there’s someone dying, what can’t a living person do? What you should do now isn’t to cry in sorrow, but to make the most of the remaining time with your wife. This is not so much for your wife’s sake, but for your own future self. To avoid regrets later, you should do your best right now, in this moment, to care for your wife and spend time together. That way, whether you live alone or with someone else later, you won’t have regrets in your heart.
Of course, from your personal perspective, this is undoubtedly a major crisis. I fully understand your worry about how to live with two children in the future. But from a global perspective, this might not be such a big deal. Compared to the suffering of people losing their lives to bombings in Gaza, your concerns are relatively minor. So broaden your perspective. If you obsess over the past or look too closely thinking ‘What should I do about this?’, it might feel like the sky is falling. But if you step back and look at the bigger picture, it’s not as serious as you think. During the Korean War, many wives lost their husbands and raised children alone. Looking back, it all turns out to be not such a big deal after all. So don’t cling only to this present moment, but look a little further ahead as you walk forward.
You must not become so consumed with worry that you neglect caring for your wife. Right now is the time to do your absolute best in caring for her. After that, you can move on without regrets, remarry if necessary, and continue living your life. That is not a sin at all. What matters is doing your best while you can be together.
The same applies to parents. What matters is bringing them a glass of water while they’re alive, not preparing an elaborate memorial table after they’ve passed. Such rituals are mostly done by the living to comfort themselves. So don’t think about other things now – do your best during the time you can be with your wife and focus completely on this moment.”
“Yes, I understand. Thank you.”
