January 3, 2026 – Day 1 of China Business Trip
Hello. Starting today, Sunim will be visiting China for two days to meet with officials to discuss humanitarian aid to North Korea and peace and unification on the Korean Peninsula.
After completing his morning practice and meditation, Sunim departed from Seoul Jungto Center at 7 AM to head to Incheon Airport for his trip to China.
Upon arriving at Incheon Airport, Sunim went through departure procedures and headed to the boarding gate. The flight departed Incheon Airport at 8:45 AM and after flying for 1 hour and 50 minutes, landed at Shenyang Airport in China at 9:35 AM local time.
After leaving the airport, Sunim met with officials to discuss various methods of humanitarian aid to North Korea. They also talked about the living conditions of North Korean residents, exchange rates, last year’s harvest, and the status of workers dispatched to China. Afterward, Sunim returned to his accommodation in Shenyang to conclude the day.
Tomorrow, after meeting with officials regarding peace and unification on the Korean Peninsula, Sunim will depart from Shenyang Airport and return to Incheon Airport in Korea.
Since there was no Dharma talk today, this post concludes by sharing a conversation between a questioner and Sunim from the live Dharma Q&A session two days ago on Friday.
I Get Angry at My Husband Who Opposes My Going to the Temple
“You want to go to the temple, and your husband dislikes it and feels upset about it. Whether your husband feels upset because you go to the temple, or you feel upset seeing your husband upset – aren’t they the same thing?”
“Yes. You’re right.”
“If you think ‘Why does my husband feel upset about me going to the temple?’, you should also be able to reflect on ‘Why do I feel upset when I see my husband feeling upset?’ And in such times, you can think, ‘My husband’s personality is like this, so he gets upset. What can I do about it? Since he’s upset, I should comfort him once.’ There’s no one at fault in this situation. You just want to go to the temple, and he just dislikes it – that itself isn’t a problem. You’re not your husband’s slave, so you can’t follow everything he tells you to do. But as a married couple, you can’t always do only what you want either. Because you’re a couple, sometimes you need to accommodate each other, and since you’re not a slave, sometimes you can do what you want – that’s life.
If your husband says ‘Don’t go,’ you can say ‘Yes, I understand’ and not go. But if there’s something you must attend even when he says that, then go. If he’s upset when you return, say ‘I’m sorry’ and move on. If he doesn’t speak, wait a few days. If that feels too uncomfortable, then don’t go to the temple next time.
The biggest problem here is that you get angry seeing your husband upset. It’s quite natural for your husband to be upset, so you need to reflect on why that makes you angry. You already knew your husband would be upset, wouldn’t speak, or would get angry when you returned from the temple, didn’t you? If you anticipated it, when your husband gets angry, just notice ‘Oh, he’s angry,’ and when he’s upset, think ‘He’s in an upset state’ and maintain your equanimity. Furthermore, you could understand it and comfort him saying, ‘I’m sorry. Honey, you were upset, weren’t you? I’ll make something delicious for you instead.’ If you don’t want to do that, then don’t go to the temple next time.”
“But I want to go to the temple.”
“Then go.”
“I think to myself about my husband, ‘Just be moderate about it.’ It feels so mean and petty that it’s hard to say.”
“That’s exactly the wrong way of thinking. Your desire to go to the temple and your husband’s dislike of you going to the temple are essentially the same as human emotions. I might like cats but someone else might dislike them; I might like dogs but someone might dislike them; I might want to go golfing but someone else might not appreciate golf. Similarly, your desire to go to the temple and your husband’s dislike of it aren’t matters of right or wrong – they’re just different feelings.
But you think what you like is right and what your husband dislikes is wrong, which is why problems arise. It’s like thinking it’s natural that you love cats and demanding ‘You should love animals!’ while immediately judging your husband’s dislike of animals as ‘animal abuse!’ It’s no different from thinking it’s justified for you to eat beef while considering it bad for your husband to eat dog meat. In fact, Westerners eat beef and pork while criticizing Koreans for eating dog meat – this way of thinking is also not right. You just need to see it as ‘We have different meat-eating habits.’ You get angry because you think what you do is right and what your husband does is wrong. This doesn’t mean what your husband does is right and what you do is wrong either. It’s not a matter of right or wrong – you’re just different.
You want to go to the temple, but not everyone wants to go to the temple. People like your husband might think, ‘Why go to the temple for no reason?’ Some say, ‘Is Buddha in the temple? I am Buddha.’ Others argue, ‘The Buddha in the temple is just stone, how is that Buddha? Living people are Buddha. If you read the sutras, doesn’t it say people are Buddha?’ You like Buddhism, but some people claim ‘Buddhism is a religion that believes in Satan and is idol worship.’
Your husband isn’t even making such strong claims – he’s just saying ‘I wish you wouldn’t go to the temple.’ Living together as a couple, if your husband wishes you wouldn’t go, you could choose not to go. Even if you want to bring in a cat, if your husband dislikes it, you might not bring one in. Even if you want to raise a dog, if your husband dislikes it, you might not raise one. Similarly, although you want to go to the temple, if your husband dislikes it, you could choose not to go.
Getting married doesn’t make you your husband’s slave, so you can go to the temple even if your husband dislikes it. But that doesn’t mean you can claim you’re right. Your husband can dislike what you like. Since your husband dislikes you going to the temple, you could accommodate him and not go, or since going to the temple isn’t bad even if your husband dislikes it, you could go. It’s ultimately a matter of choice, not right or wrong.
However, you can’t demand that your husband ‘not dislike it.’ That’s his nature, so just accept it as it is. You know perfectly well that your husband will be upset when you go to the temple, yet you argue ‘Why are you upset? What’s so upsetting? Did I do something bad?’ That’s why conflict arises. From your perspective, it might not seem like something to be upset about, but your husband is a different person from you, so he can certainly be upset. In such times, just say ‘I’m sorry.’ If your husband is so angry he won’t speak, wait for a while. If he continues not speaking, think ‘He must be very upset’ and either speak first or hug him saying ‘I’m sorry.’ The key point here is that just because your husband is upset doesn’t mean you need to be upset too. You have two choices: one is not to go to the temple, and the other is to go to the temple but accept some scolding. Whichever choice you make, you don’t need to let it hurt your feelings.”
“Yes, I understand. When you said that my husband getting upset about me going to the temple and me getting upset seeing him upset are the same thing, I had a big realization. I kept thinking I was right and my husband was wrong. But it’s not that – we’re just different. I’ll practice going to the temple, accepting some scolding, and not getting upset. Thank you.”
“Yes. That’s not the only path. There’s also the option of not going to the temple. Then you won’t get scolded and that would be nice, wouldn’t it?”
“But I like going to the temple.”
“Then you must pay the price for what you like. You must also accept the consequences. If you want to do what you like, you might get scolded, and sometimes you might have to apologize as if you’ve done something wrong. That’s the price you pay for doing what you like.”
“I’ve tried apologizing, but I feel like ‘I can’t apologize anymore.’ I don’t want to apologize.”
“If you like sweets, you must be prepared to possibly get diabetes later; if you like mountains, you must accept that your knees might hurt someday. Everything has its price. Since you’ve chosen to do something your husband dislikes, just accept the consequence that your husband will react with discomfort.”
“I understand. Thank you.”
