October 8 ~ 9 2025- Arrival in Korea, Business Trip to China
Hello. Today marks the completion of Sunim’s North American East Coast lecture tour and Washington D.C. visit, as he returns to Korea.
Sunim departed from Los Angeles International Airport at 11 PM on the 7th and spent the day on the plane. After a long 13-hour flight, he arrived at Incheon Airport at 4 AM on the 9th, two days later by local time.
After collecting his luggage and exiting the airport, the Chief Secretary warmly welcomed Sunim.
After receiving work reports and having a brief conversation, Sunim immediately went through departure procedures again to travel to China for a business trip and headed to the boarding gate.
The plane departed from Incheon Airport at 8:05 AM and landed at Shenyang Airport in China at 8:55 AM local time after a 1 hour and 50 minute flight.
Upon leaving the airport, Sunim headed straight to a farm in Dandong operated by an American couple. After touring the farm to see how it was being operated, he discussed various methods for humanitarian aid to North Korea and talked about the living conditions of North Korean residents. After discussing the causes of the exchange rate decline, this year’s harvest conditions, and the status of workers dispatched to China, he returned to Shenyang to conclude the day.
Tomorrow, Sunim will depart from Shenyang Airport in China, return to Incheon Airport in Korea, and give a Happy Conversation Dharma Q&A lecture in Bucheon.
Since there was no Dharma talk today, I’ll conclude by sharing a conversation between Sunim and a questioner from the Dharma Q&A lecture held in Atlanta, USA on the 4th.
How Can I Trust People When I Keep Doubting Them?
“You have to accept those consequences too.”
“Do I have to accept those consequences as well?”
“If you don’t want to suffer losses, you have to accept the consequence of having a narrower range of relationships. If you want to broaden your relationships, you have to accept the consequence of occasional losses. The reason being talkative wasn’t a big problem when you were young is that elementary school friends rarely try to take advantage of you for their benefit. The same goes for middle school and high school friends. Back then, there’s little harm in speaking honestly about anything. However, when you enter society, people need to work, earn money, and support families, so they become more aware of their interests than when they were young. If we only thought like we did as children, there would be no reason for siblings to fight over parental inheritance. But when you get married and have children, you start looking around at your parents’ assets. It’s not because there’s no affection between siblings. It’s because you need benefits as you go through life. Similarly, the people you’ve met are collecting information in their own way to sell you insurance, ask to borrow money, or request you to be a guarantor.”
“We all assess other people’s personalities and think, ‘That person likes alcohol, so I’ll treat them to drinks when asking for a favor,’ or ‘That person values honor, so I’ll compliment them.’ This is how we approach people. When President Lee Jae-myung had a summit meeting with President Trump, he studied Trump extensively and adopted a strategy of praising him. He was extremely flattering. Trump probably didn’t know who Lee Jae-myung was because when he thinks of ‘Korea,’ only Kim Jong-un comes to mind. When Korean trade representatives visited the White House for negotiations, Trump’s first greeting was reportedly, ‘How is Kim Jong-un doing?’ President Lee used this to his advantage, saying, ‘If North Korea and the US have dialogue, I’ll help from the side. You can be a peacemaker.’ By flattering him this way, Trump, who loves praise, became so elated that they couldn’t properly discuss trade negotiations.”
“Even in ancient times, when kings liked praise, their ministers would flatter them. This is also responding by understanding the other person’s psychology. This is a normal part of living in the world, not something bad. So how is President Trump dealing with the world now? He intimidates people because he knows they’ll be afraid and make concessions. He acts unpredictably because he thinks the other side won’t be able to keep up. The other side is also predicting Trump’s unpredictable behavior and responding accordingly. This is how they engage in back-and-forth exchanges.”
“As you get older, some people around you will approach you trying to gain benefits by understanding your psychological state, relationships, and financial situation. Sometimes they exploit someone’s difficulties. They approach by recognizing that people feel anxious when in distress. When you meet many people, you encounter all kinds. If you think there are losses, you need to reduce personal information disclosure. Being very talkative means you’re giving out a lot of personal information. But if you go too far in reducing personal information disclosure and become too cautious with people, your relationships will narrow. If you talk too much, you’ll suffer losses; if you keep your mouth shut to prevent losses, your relationships will narrow.”
“If both money and relationships are important, first you should be somewhat talkative, though not as much as before, and broaden your relationships. If losses occur, you can adjust by moderately reducing your talkativeness while accepting the losses. So there’s no big problem. Everything is a choice, and you just need to take responsibility for your choices. You don’t need to feel intimidated. Just live as you are. Either be talkative and accept the losses, or if the losses are too great, reduce your talkativeness. The problem arises when you try to completely shut your mouth to reduce talkativeness. Even if you’re talkative, you can slightly reduce the chatter that gives away personal information.”
“When I become close to someone, I tend to open up and talk too much.”
“People who open up and talk freely shouldn’t work at places like intelligence agencies. It would be disastrous if they spilled everything with just a little prodding.”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“When I come to the US and visit the White House and State Department to discuss peace on the Korean Peninsula, I don’t disclose everything we discuss. I only reveal parts of what I’ve talked about. This is to protect the other person’s position. That way, when that person meets me again, they’ll feel free to say what they want. If I leak what they said, they’ll be cautious every time they meet me. Whoever you meet, depending on the matter, you need to be careful about information disclosure. After building trust over a long period, when there’s confidence that you absolutely won’t cause them harm, then you can talk about everything.”
“The reason I know all sorts of things despite not being a government official is because I hear all kinds of stories from all kinds of people. The reason I know all about life despite not being married is because you all tell me everything. You tell me about raising children, marital conflicts, affairs, and all sorts of stories. So as I accumulate knowledge thinking ‘This is how the world is,’ I end up knowing more than others. Rather than conducting opinion polls, traveling around the regions and having conversations gives me a better understanding of public sentiment. I come to understand what people are worried about these days. I don’t particularly judge these things as ‘right’ or ‘wrong,’ I just think that people have different interests.”
“The reason we don’t allow media coverage at Dharma Q&A lectures is the same. If questioners’ concerns appear in local newspapers, readers might enjoy it, but the questioners would suffer. That’s why we don’t invite media even if it means fewer people attend. From journalists’ perspective, they protest, asking ‘Other organizations are desperate to get even one line in the newspaper, so why won’t you let us cover this when we want to write articles?’ But my purpose in doing Dharma Q&A isn’t to get media coverage. My purpose is to have conversations with people and hopefully ease their suffering.”
“When we spend time with friends, some friends bring us economic benefits while others cause us losses. But to truly be friends, we need to be less concerned about such gains and losses. You might say, ‘I can’t be friends with this person.’ When asked why, you say you bought them meals several times but they never bought you one. That’s a business transaction. You even conduct business transactions when dating. Most people react like, ‘I called them so many times but they never called me once,’ or ‘I told them I love them many times but they never said it once.’ We’re in the habit of making transactions like this. But between friends, relationships last longer when you don’t calculate benefits too much. So be talkative and accept some losses. If the losses are too severe, you should be a bit more careful, but if someone who’s usually talkative suddenly shuts their mouth, people around them will think it’s strange. They say when someone’s nature suddenly changes, their time is near.”
“Some people keep asking me detailed questions because I speak well. How should I respond to that?”
“When someone asks a question, you can answer appropriately, and if you feel you’re revealing too much information, you simply don’t have to answer. I also answer personal questions moderately – I don’t tell everything to everyone. During Dharma Q&A sessions, I might answer personal questions freely, but I don’t make that content public. I only share it in that particular setting.”
“Then can I respond by saying ‘I’d like to stop here’ when someone asks?”
“Of course. That’s your personal freedom.”
“I think I get easily swept up by others. I can’t control myself to decide where to stop talking, and I end up saying everything when asked, then regret it later.”
“Everyone is like that. Even I sometimes share too much information during conversations like this. That’s why we always need to regulate ourselves. Would you tell your husband about all your ex-boyfriends just because he asks? Such talk would only cause unnecessary conflict at home. You need to distinguish between what should be said and what shouldn’t. This is different from lying.”
“Yes. I’ll try my best. Thank you.”
