July 11, 2024. Bhutan ▶ India, Arrival in Guwahati
Hello. Today marks the end of our 5-night, 6-day survey trip in Bhutan as we move to India.
At 3:30 AM, while it was still dark, Sunim packed all the luggage into the car, exchanged greetings with the members of the Bhutan Nuns Foundation (BNF), and offered a donation, expressing gratitude for the wonderful two-day stay.
“Thanks to you, we ate well and slept well for two days.”
Although the departure was scheduled for 4 AM, they were able to leave a bit earlier.
The car drove through the pitch-dark roads heading to Phuntsholing, which borders India.
Two hours later, they stopped at a roadside restaurant for a simple breakfast of fried rice before continuing along the mountain roads.
They passed through three checkpoints.
At 9:50 AM, they arrived at Phuentsholing, the Bhutan-India border city. Upon crossing the border, a completely different world unfolded. Passing through streets filled with blaring horns and crowds of people, they went to the checkpoint for immigration procedures. The time difference also shifted by 30 minutes.
After completing immigration procedures, they drove for another two hours and arrived at New Cooch Behar station at noon.
They tried to eat at a nearby restaurant, but were told it was closed because they had to supply meals to a special train for election campaigners today. Instead, they recommended buying the lunch boxes they were preparing. They cost 150 rupees.
“Let’s just buy three and share them.”
They ate the lunch boxes in the waiting room and waited at the train station for two hours.
After returning from the restroom, Sunim put a pain relief patch on his knee.
“I had trouble getting up after sitting in the restroom because my knee hurt.” 
While waiting because the train was announced to be 30 minutes late, it suddenly arrived. They hurried and barely made it onto the train.
When the train departed at 3 PM, Sunim rested and also attended to work on the train.
After traveling for 4 hours and 25 minutes, they arrived at Guwahati station at 7:25 PM. As they got off the train, the hot and humid Indian air made their whole bodies feel warm.
A few days ago, heavy rains in Assam State caused the Brahmaputra River to overflow, creating many flood victims. Since July 8th, JTS India has dispatched an emergency relief team to provide urgent assistance. Sunim changed his travel itinerary to meet and encourage the JTS India emergency relief team and tour the affected areas.
Therefore, instead of taking a train from Guwahati station to Silchar station, they changed their destination to Morigaon, a flood-affected area. The journey from Guwahati to Morigaon took 2 hours by car.
Upon arriving in Morigaon, five JTS India volunteers who had arrived in Assam three days earlier and started flood relief activities warmly welcomed Sunim.
After exchanging greetings, they had a brief conversation with Sunim.
“When you went to the site, were there many relief organizations there?”
“There were no other organizations, and the government was distributing rice and lentils to the residents. The residents only received 4 days’ worth of food, so they must be running out of supplies now. That’s why JTS has prepared to provide relief supplies to 1,087 households. Since there are so many mosquitoes, we’ve also prepared mosquito nets as relief items.”
“How severe is the flood damage?”
“It’s extremely severe.”
Among the JTS India volunteers was a college student participating in relief activities for the first time. Sunim asked about their impressions.
“How do you feel about doing relief work?”
“It’s rewarding to be able to help people in need.”
Sunim explained the precautions to take when distributing relief supplies tomorrow.
“When distributing relief supplies, you must have police present. Otherwise, there’s a risk of disputes among residents. Also, you need to coordinate with local authorities to ensure relief supplies aren’t distributed redundantly. Even if there are shortcomings this time, always keep this in mind for the future.”
After confirming the items to check for tomorrow’s relief activities, they finished their conversation after 10 PM.
Since there was no Dharma talk today, I’ll conclude by sharing a conversation between Sunim and a questioner from the Friday Dharma Q&A held in Bangkok, Thailand on July 5th.
My Son Is Addicted to Gambling, My Daughter-in-Law Has Gone to Her Parents’ Home, What Should I Do About My Granddaughter?
“I understand that it’s difficult when your children don’t follow your wishes, but isn’t it the nature of life that not everything goes according to our will? The children we give birth to and raise don’t follow our wishes, the spouses we live with don’t follow our wishes, and even the parents who gave birth to and raised us don’t follow our wishes. That’s life. So if we take issue with every single thing that doesn’t go our way, we’ll have no choice but to live in suffering until we die.
‘The world originally doesn’t go according to my wishes. If it does, that’s fortunate; if not, that’s fine too.’
If you have this perspective, this world is livable. However, if you become attached to the idea that ‘everything must go my way,’ since very few things actually go your way, this world becomes a hell-like place where you can’t possibly live.
Your son gambling is worse than not gambling, but it’s still better than him dying in a traffic accident, isn’t it? A few days ago, a car suddenly drove the wrong way in front of city hall and nine people died. It was truly like a bolt from the blue for the families of the deceased. But even after experiencing such pain, the families of the deceased must continue living. That’s life – we have no choice but to live in this world even if we experience things ten or a hundred times worse than that. It would be good if your son didn’t gamble, but just because he does doesn’t mean your life has to become unhappy too. It would be good if your son and his wife lived harmoniously, but just because they divorced and separated doesn’t mean you have to be unhappy too. It would be nice if your son and his wife lived well with your granddaughter, but just because they can’t doesn’t mean you have to be unhappy. That’s the world we must live in despite all these circumstances.
Your son’s inability to quit gambling is due to a mental illness. It would be good to take him to a hospital for treatment to improve his condition even a little. However, if your son refuses to go to the hospital, there’s nothing you can do. These days, because of respect for human rights, unless someone commits a crime, you can’t forcibly isolate them against their will according to current law. Parents can be charged with assault for hitting their own children, and teachers can be charged with assault for hitting students in their class. You can’t keep talking about how things were in the past. Even if I hug and kiss someone because I like them, if the other person doesn’t like it, it becomes sexual assault. Saying ‘I didn’t mean it that way’ has no meaning.
If your son gambles, don’t just think about your son – think about someone else’s daughter too. If you’re married and your husband just gambles, who would want to live with him? Don’t just think about your son – rather, think of your daughter-in-law as your own daughter.
‘There’s no future living like this. It’s better to separate. Take the child and go live. If the man comes to his senses, then you can live together. Otherwise, if you live together, you’ll suffer your whole life. When couples fight, children grow up poorly caught in between.’
This is how you should think about your daughter-in-law. You wish your son’s family would be harmonious, but how can she live harmoniously with a son who gambles? That’s only thinking about yourself. You’re not considering your daughter-in-law’s position at all. Even in this situation, you’re only suffering because things aren’t going your way, without thinking about other people’s positions at all.
Whether he’s your son or someone else’s son, living with someone who gambles is very difficult. Shouldn’t they divorce first, and then if the man comes to his senses later, they can reunite, or he can go to the hospital for treatment to improve? If he doesn’t improve, your son will have no choice but to live unhappily. He’ll either go to jail for not being able to pay gambling debts or face criticism. Thinking ‘I hope my son doesn’t get punished even if he does wrong’ is wrong thinking.
So if your daughter-in-law took your granddaughter to her parents’ home, you should think ‘Good that she went.’ It’s fine for the child to come see her father occasionally. While parting is a bit sad, such partings don’t cause major trauma to children. Living together and fighting every day causes much greater trauma.
And since you’ve already raised your son until he was over twenty years old, you should draw a line saying ‘I’ve done everything I needed to do. Now I’ll stop worrying about my son’s life.’ Only then can you live your own life happily. Even if your son gambles and gets divorced, you can still live happily. If you think that a mother with such a son can only live unhappily, your life will continue to be pitiful. I hope you can have the perspective that ‘Even though it’s not what I wanted, I can still live happily even with such a son.”
“Thank you.”
“Crying won’t stop your son from gambling, and crying won’t bring your daughter-in-law back either. You shouldn’t think it’s good for your daughter-in-law to live with a son who gambles. We live in a society where men and women are equal. Rather, you should be able to say, ‘This kind of married life is bad for your granddaughter, so live separately for now. When the man comes to his senses, then you can reunite.’ Only then can we say we’re achieving gender equality.”
“My daughter-in-law really likes to drink. Will my granddaughter grow up well under her mother?”
“Don’t worry about whether your granddaughter grows up well or not. Even if she grows up under a mother who drinks and scolds her, she’ll have fewer scars than growing up under a grandmother who doesn’t scold her. Even if your granddaughter grows up under a grandmother who takes good care of her, the scar of ‘my mother abandoned me’ is much deeper than the scar of being scolded by her mother. So don’t have any lingering attachments and adopt the perspective that ‘it’s best for my granddaughter to grow up with her own mother.'”
“I was thinking I should take care of my granddaughter, but after hearing Sunim’s words, I realize once again that a child should be raised by their mother.”
“Whether she raises the child well or poorly, it’s best for a child to be raised by their mother. And you’ve already done everything you need to do in your life – being a mother again in your old age would be too difficult for you. So there’s no need to take on unnecessary suffering.”
“Thank you. I understand well.”
Tomorrow, Sunim will travel to the flood-affected area to distribute relief supplies, then head to the airport to fly to Silchar. In Silchar, he plans to visit a hospital operated by Ravi Kannan R, last year’s Magsaysay Award winner, who runs the facility to treat the poor.
