Jun 17, 2025 – Arrival in Bhutan
Hello. Today, Sunim flew from Bangkok to Paro, Bhutan, then traveled another 8 hours by car to arrive in Trongsa.
At 7:30 AM, Sunim departed from Bangkok’s Suvarnabhumi International Airport and arrived at Bhutan’s Paro Airport at 11:00 AM local time.
Sunim had carefully prepared gifts for the Bhutanese government officials participating in the JTS workshop. Since there was quite a bit of luggage, an airport staff member personally retrieved the bags and carried them outside the airport.
Upon exiting the airport, Yeshi, a government official from Bhutan’s Cabinet Office, greeted Sunim in Korean while draping a white scarf over him. It was their first meeting in about four months.
“Hello, Sunim.”
Sunim reciprocated by placing the scarf back on Yeshi. After exchanging warm greetings, they departed from Paro for Trongsa at 11:00 AM.
After driving for a while, the driver mentioned that there seemed to be a problem with the brakes. The driver was a new hire who had started driving just two months ago, and he was already tense, but now appeared even more nervous. Sunim spoke gently, as if trying to ease his tension.
“We just need to arrive today. There’s no need to rush.”
They stopped the car in nearby Lobesa, had a simple Bhutanese lunch at a restaurant, and the driver went to a repair shop to have the vehicle inspected. The driver explained that today’s temperature exceeded 30 degrees Celsius with unusually strong sunlight, which seemed to have overheated the vehicle. He said there would be no problem if they let it cool down before departing.
After cooling down the car, they set off again toward Trongsa. Before long, it began to rain. As they climbed above 3,000 meters in elevation, cool winds blew, providing relief from the heat. The car continued without pause along the winding roads.
After three hours, Sunim said:
“The driver must be very tired. Let’s stop for some tea and rest for a bit.”
They took a brief break for tea and resumed their journey at 5:20 PM. At 6:45 PM, they arrived at Trongsa Tendrel Resort, where the two-day workshop would be held. The lay Sangha staff members stationed in Bhutan greeted Sunim with three prostrations. Sunim encouraged the staff members who had been conducting JTS projects in Bhutan.
“Thank you for your hard work.”
After dinner at 7:00 PM, Sunim attended to some work and then discussed tomorrow’s workshop and future schedules with the Bhutan staff before concluding the day.
Tomorrow, there will be a hearing aid donation ceremony in Trongsa, followed by the start of the workshop with Trongsa government officials.
Since there was no Dharma talk today, I’ll conclude by sharing a conversation between Sunim and a questioner from the Happy Citizens Activity Festival held in Daejeon on the 15th.
Is Divorce the Answer When Being with My Husband Is Just Uncomfortable?
“Divorce is your personal choice. But asking Sunim about divorce is actually pointless. Sunim lives alone, don’t I? So when someone says they’re getting divorced, I actually welcome it. (Laughter) If they say they’re getting married, I’m against it. Still, based on what you’ve said, it doesn’t seem like grounds for divorce.”
“Am I trapped in foolish thinking? I really don’t know what the problem is.”
“You are trapped in foolish thinking. If you can’t stand the sight of your husband because of something he does, that’s actually your problem. It’s different from your husband making your life miserable. If he uses verbal or physical violence, creates disturbances while drunk, has affairs, or squanders money, then he would actually be tormenting you. But if your husband just watches TV alone or stays in his room, or doesn’t talk much with you, that’s not him tormenting you—it’s dissatisfaction because he’s not doing things the way you want. You have desires like ‘I want to talk with my husband’ or ‘I want to eat together,’ but he’s not fulfilling them. So this problem would disappear if you just changed your thinking.”
“But I’ve been trying for years and it doesn’t work.”
“Isn’t it that YOU can’t do it?”
“Yes, and rather than holding onto something that doesn’t work and suffering, your words about ‘I need to be happy first’ really resonated with me.”
“Then you can do that too.”
“That’s why I think, ‘Whether my husband lives or dies, I need to be happy first.’ I think divorce would make that possible.”
“I see. But I said ‘You need to be happy first,’ not that you should live apart from your children. Just leave your husband be and be happy yourself first.”
“But living with my husband, I don’t seem capable of becoming happy. The stress is too overwhelming to bear.”
“Your husband sits quietly in his room watching TV. What does that have to do with you?”
“I want to play board games together, but even though I’ve asked several times, ‘Honey, let’s play board games,’ he won’t do it.”
“You’d divorce over not playing board games?” (Laughter)
“I really can’t live with my husband. He’s always watching my reactions too.”
“I understand. I’ve counseled someone of this type before. It was quite different from what we commonly consider grounds for divorce. Among the divorce cases I’ve counseled, there was one like this: The husband graduated from a prestigious university and worked at a good company—anyone would say she married well. But the wife said she couldn’t live with this man. The reason was that on rainy days, she wanted to go to a hotel coffee shop and drink coffee while looking out the window, but her husband would say, ‘Why go out in the rain?’ When she suggested taking a walk by the beach, his response was ‘Why go when it’s windy?’ She said this was completely incompatible with her preferences. Also, when her husband came home from work, he always arrived on time. Even when she said, ‘Why don’t you meet some friends before coming home?’ he would come home right on schedule. So when she wanted to divorce, her family all opposed it, saying she was crazy. ‘Why would you leave such a good, capable person?’ they asked. So she came to me for counseling, and I also said, ‘Is that really grounds for divorce? Just go have coffee by yourself.’ But they divorced a year later.
Afterward, she remarried a man who was ten years older. But he was someone who would have coffee with her on rainy days. I didn’t hear what happened after that, but I can roughly guess, right? Since that’s her personality, I understand. I think you’re in a similar situation. But how about trying to practice being happy yourself first while just leaving your husband alone?”
“After living as a housewife for over 20 years, I’m exhausted, so I’ve decided to leave my husband and daughters to live on their own while I live alone for about a year. I thought having time to myself while resting might change my feelings. But the thought ‘Wouldn’t it be better to just divorce?’ still won’t leave my mind.”
“Then no matter what I say, you’ll think ‘Sunim doesn’t understand me, that’s why he’s saying that,’ right?”
“No, I’ll truly trust and listen. I hope you’ll see right through me and tell me decisively, ‘You’re the type to divorce’ or ‘You’re not the type to divorce.’ Please just tell me sharply.”
“Alright. I’ll tell you sharply. Go to the hospital tomorrow.”
“I’ve been to the hospital.”
“Have you been to a psychiatrist?”
“I went three weeks ago, and the doctor told me to take medication, which I did for about two weeks. I was in worse shape before, but after taking the medication, I could sleep better and felt more at ease. So I consulted with the doctor and stopped the medication.”
“No, don’t just go to one psychiatrist—try another if necessary. And don’t just take medication for two weeks and stop. You need to adjust it three or four times, changing medications to find what works for you.”
“I changed it once but couldn’t sleep at all, so I stopped.”
“Then you need to try a different medication. If the current hospital isn’t working, try another one. It’s not good to keep switching hospitals, but you need to try once more. Right now, divorce isn’t the problem—the bigger issue is that you can’t manage your emotions. If you really want to divorce, wait until you’re stable enough that living with your husband isn’t a problem at all. Then it won’t be too late to divorce. Right now, you want to divorce because you can’t live together. That’s likely to lead to regret later. Actually, only when you reach a point where living with your husband isn’t a problem can you live well alone after separating.
If the reason you can’t live together is because your husband hits you, uses verbal abuse, or creates violent situations, then of course you need protection. But the current problem isn’t such external circumstances—it’s that you can’t bear it due to your psychological anxiety. And the fact that divorce thoughts won’t leave your mind is a mental health issue. If a thought arises and won’t leave your mind, continuously operating, that’s a mental health condition. So it’s not your husband who’s the problem—you’re suffering from a mental health condition. Get treatment first, and then it won’t be too late to divorce. Right now, your judgment isn’t objective.”
“Okay, but we’ve decided to separate. Is it okay if I just try living alone?”
“In that case, don’t tell your husband ‘I’m separating because I don’t like you.’ It’s better to avoid the term ‘separation’ itself. Your husband is also psychologically sensitive right now, so being constantly provoked by someone could make things harder for him. It would be good to say, ‘Honey, I’m receiving hospital treatment, and I’d like to try staying alone for a while.’ Once you declare your intention to leave and actually go, there’s a psychological tendency to justify your decision. You begin to seek confirmation that your choice — to leave your husband — was the right one. That’s why the thought keeps repeating in your mind. Eventually, you push through to the end because it seems like a consistent choice, and you just end up divorcing. If you go out alone and later say ‘Honey, I’m back home,’ it looks like admitting your previous judgment was wrong, right? People usually try to avoid that. So you unconsciously become stubborn. Like when you button the first button wrong, the second and third buttons keep being misaligned—that kind of psychology operates.
So don’t declare ‘I’m separating’ from the beginning. If you can talk with your husband or children, it’s good to speak honestly and gently like this:
‘I’m taking psychiatric medication right now, and my psychological state is somewhat unstable. I keep feeling dissatisfied, and when I consulted with the doctor, they said it’s not anyone’s fault but due to my psychological anxiety symptoms. They said it’s good to receive less stimulation at times like this, so I’ll try being alone for a while and come back home when I feel better. Even if it costs a bit, I think it would be good to try this.’
If you say it this way, it’s easier for your husband or son to accept.”
“Yes, I’ve already talked about it that way. I’ll try doing as you suggest. Thank you.”
