My Fiancé Says Something Different Now Than When We Were Dating.

Hello. Today, Sunim spent the whole day doing work practice tending to the dolmen site and taking some rest.

Sunim began his day with morning practice and meditation, then reviewed manuscripts. To continue transforming the rice paddy in front of the dolmen into a flower garden, he changed into his work clothes early and headed to the work site.

Continuing from yesterday, Sunim worked on building the flower garden fence. When facing the dolmen head-on, the flower garden is being arranged in the shape of the Korean character 'ㅁ' (a square). Yesterday, the front section of the flower bed was completed, and today's work involves creating a flower bed along the boundary with the rice paddy on the right side.

The plan is to dig the ground and set roof tiles to form the flower bed, and to build a retaining wall along the section bordering the rice paddy so that the soil from the flower garden does not flow down into the paddy.

Sunim reinforced the retaining wall he had built yesterday by adding another layer of stones on top.

However, one section of the neatly built retaining wall kept collapsing. No matter how many times the stones were stacked back up, it kept falling apart.

"We need to fix this section from the root. It needs internal surgery. (Laughs)"

Sunim demolished everything, including what had been stacked yesterday, and rebuilt the retaining wall from scratch.

"Haengja, please bring me a watering can."

To further pack down the completed retaining wall, Sunim sprinkled water on top and pressed firmly with a shovel so that the soil between the stones would bind together.

The flower bed made with roof tiles was completed, and the retaining wall work was also finished. Once the red lines that had been set up for accurate measuring were removed and cleared away, the flower garden began to take shape.

"Alright, now let's fill the flower bed with soil."

Sunim first scooped gravelly soil and filled the flower bed.

Next, to fill it with sandy soil, an excavator was needed.

"Please ask Myodang Sunim for help."

A little while later, Myodang Sunim arrived in front of the dolmen with an excavator.

"Sunim, we have mountain sand and river sand here.

Please put half mountain sand and half river sand in each flower bed so both are included."

"Haengja, for the flowers to take root in the flower bed, there shouldn't be any large stones. Let's gather all the big stones, put them in one pit, and bury them."

While the excavator filled the flower bed with sand, Sunim, together with the haengjas, picked out the large stones and leveled the inside of the flower bed.

The roof-tile-bordered flower bed, generously filled with sand, was now complete.

Because of the heat, it was hard to continue working.

"Let's end the morning work practice here. Myodang Sunim, thank you. Haengjas, since we need to make tofu early tomorrow morning, please soak the beans in advance during the day."

Sunim put away the work tools, attended to other tasks, and then rested.

At 5 p.m., Sunim headed out again to work with the haengjas.

Myodang Sunim had already arrived with large stones to build a fence along the walkway section.

The haengjas who had arrived earlier were digging up the ground to plant stones along the boundary line of the walkway. After setting a straight guide line, the excavator dug the ground in a long stretch.

Stones were placed one by one into the deeply dug ground.

In the middle of the work, a village woman came out with ice cream.

"Sunim, you must be working so hard on such a hot day. Please have some of this while you work."

"Thank you, I'll enjoy it."

Sunim took a short break with the haengjas and said,

"Even this small stone is hard for the three of us to lift. I wonder how they moved that huge dolmen. (Laughs)"

Sunim resumed the work.

Stone after stone was planted, and before long, the sun was setting behind the mountains.

Finally, Sunim, along with the haengjas, planted the last stone into the ground.

After leveling the ground around the planted stones, today's work finally ended at 8 p.m.

"Great work, everyone. We completed the flower bed and also built the walkway retaining wall. Let's wrap up here for today."

Sunim tidied up, reviewed the manuscript, and then went to bed. Tomorrow, tofu will be made early in the morning and sent to the members of the Seoul lay Sangha, and will also be shared with the villagers.

Since there was no Dharma talk today, this post concludes with a Dharma Q&A from last June.

My Boyfriend Now Wants to Split the Wedding Costs 50/50.

"I'm a bride-to-be. From early in our relationship, my boyfriend often said, 'Let's have our wedding at a nice place.' Hearing that, I naturally came to have certain expectations about our wedding. But now that we're actually preparing for the wedding, he's saying we should split the costs 50/50. He also wants me to contribute more toward the cost of our newlywed home than I had expected. My mind understands, but I still feel hurt. I'm wondering how I can let go of these hurt feelings, and whether I should share these feelings with my boyfriend."

"The solution is simple. Just don't get married. Then you won't have to worry about who pays how much for the wedding. That's the best method."

"But I still want to get married."

"If you want to eat food, you have to pay for the food. If you want to own something, you have to pay for it. Likewise, if you want to get married, you have to bear the costs of getting married. Moreover, if you are the one who wants to get married, you should be willing to bear not just half but all of the cost. But you want to get married and expect the other person to pay for it—that's a mistaken way of thinking. It's like buying something at a store and asking the shopkeeper to pay for it, or eating at a restaurant and asking the restaurant owner to pay for the meal. How old are you?"

"I'm in my mid-thirties."

"In your mid-thirties, does it make sense to still expect someone else to pay for the food you want to eat? If you want to get married, you should be able to bear all of the wedding expenses. So if you only need to bear half, isn't that actually a good thing? Being able to say, 'I'll pay for the entire wedding, so let's get married,' or 'I'll cover the home renovation costs, so let's live together,' shows that you have a clear sense of self. Otherwise, take the position that 'I'm fine without getting married.' With that position, your attitude would be, 'If you pay for the entire wedding, I'll marry you. If you pay for the whole house, I'll go live there with you.'

Marriage is not so different from buying and selling goods. For example, when buying something in India, the seller might ask for 1,000 rupees. If you really need that item, there's no need to haggle—you just buy it. On the other hand, if you don't really need it but the seller keeps pushing you to buy, try offering about one-tenth of the initial price. If the seller acts outraged and says it's ridiculous, just turn around and walk away. Then the seller will chase after you, grab your arm, and ask for just 500 rupees. Then you counter with 150 rupees. As you continue bargaining like this, you can end up buying a 1,000-rupee item for about 200 rupees. Why is this possible? Because items don't have inherently fixed prices. We tend to think every item has an original price, but in reality, 'price' is determined at 'the point where both the buyer and seller are satisfied.' Marriage is the same. If you decide 'I don't need to get married,' you don't have to spend any money. But if you think, 'I really want to marry this person,' then you should be prepared to bear all the costs. In that situation, if the other person suggests splitting things 50/50, isn't that actually something to be grateful for? So, what will you choose now?"

"I do plan to pay. But my boyfriend kept saying we would have a wedding at a nice place, which raised my expectations, and now that he's saying we should split it 50/50, I feel a bit hurt."

"Back then, your boyfriend said those things because he wanted to win your heart. But now that he has won your heart, he's speaking realistically, suggesting you split it 50/50. That doesn't make him a bad person. Most people in the world live that way. When all of you pray, you say, 'Buddha, God, if you just let me get into a good university, I'll do anything.' You pray so earnestly, but once you get in, you don't do anything. (Laughs) People naturally say all sorts of things when they want something. When someone needs money urgently, don't they say, 'If you lend it to me, I'll pay you back tomorrow'? But almost no one pays it back the next day. They also promise to pay high interest. But later, they don't pay that much interest. Why? Because the urgent situation has passed, and now they want to do business normally. Your boyfriend isn't changing his tune. Back then, he was simply focused on winning your heart.

In this day and age, splitting wedding costs 50/50 is very realistic and common. Yet you keep bringing up what your boyfriend used to say—'Let's get married at a nice place,' 'I'll take care of everything.' That means you're clinging to words that are already in the past. If you get married with this mindset, you'll keep holding on to what he said during your dating days even after marriage, and your married life could become unhappy. Rather than giving weight to what the other person said in the past, focus on 'What am I going to do now?' The key issue is whether or not you're going to marry this person. You have to return to the essence. If you don't want to get married, just say, 'I can't pay that much.'"

"Yes, I understand now. Thank you."