Did I Commit Sins in My Past Life That Make My Life So Difficult Now?

Hello. Morning has dawned at Dubuk Jungto Retreat Center (두북수련원).

After completing morning practice and meditation, Sunim had breakfast and then went out for community work (울력). It was a morning with fine, drizzling rain.

Last winter, Sunim had sown lettuce and coriander seeds in the garden and covered them with plastic. When he lifted the plastic, tender sprouts were just beginning to emerge.

As the weather warms up, the heat inside the plastic can burn the sprouts. The plastic that had served as protection now needed to be removed. Sunim inserted wire into the plastic to create space between the plastic and the soil.

First, he inserted wire into the lettuce bed and then covered it with plastic to create a small greenhouse. As the fine rain continued to fall, he put on rain gear and continued working.

Rather than discarding the used plastic, he cleaned it thoroughly and used the same method to cover the back garden where coriander and lettuce had been planted.

Only after finishing the chive field did he complete the community work.

After an hour and a half of community work, Sunim immediately changed clothes. At 10:40 AM, he departed from Dubuk Jungto Retreat Center for Gochang County (고창군).

Today, Gochang County invited Sunim to host the “Gochang Forum for Citizens’ Happiness.” Not only Gochang County Office but also the nearby Seonunsa Temple (선운사) strongly requested to invite Sunim, so he made time despite his busy schedule.

The journey from Dubuk Jungto Retreat Center to Gochang County took 3 hours and 30 minutes, crossing from east to west on the highway. After a light meal of udon at a rest stop (휴게소) along the way, they arrived in Gochang County at 2:10 PM.

Today’s lecture was held at the Gochang Cultural Center. At the entrance, many people were lined up waiting to enter for the lecture.

Sunim arrived 50 minutes before the lecture time and had a preliminary meeting. Three people had traveled far to meet Sunim: the Vice Chairman of Jeonbuk Broadcasting (전북 방송), the Deputy Director of Jeonbuk Daily, and the Vice Chairman of the Northeast Asia Economic and Cultural Promotion Association from Shenyang, China (중국 심양),who leads economic and cultural exchanges in Northeast Asia(동북아).

The three visitors said they had been deeply moved by Sunim’s activities. They introduced their work in cultural exchanges in the Northeast Asian region and sought Sunim’s advice on their future plans.

Sunim provided a detailed introduction to the Northeast Asian History Tour program and advised that utilizing this program well could help offset anti-Korean and anti-Chinese sentiments between the peoples of Korea and China, leading to meaningful results. After discussing many other areas where Korea and China could expand their exchanges, the meeting concluded.

“I need to leave now as there’s a preliminary tea meeting before the lecture. If you feel we haven’t had enough conversation, let’s continue after the lecture.”

As time was running short, they hurried to the Gochang Cultural Center where the lecture was being held.

In the waiting room next to the lecture hall, local dignitaries including Congressman Ahn Ho-young (안 호영) from Jeonbuk, Gochang County Mayor Shim Deok-seop (심 덕섭), Seonunsa Temple’s Deputy Abbot Venerable Cho-u (초우스님), and Venerable Hye-su (혜수스님)welcomed Sunim.

“Thank you for coming such a long way despite your busy schedule with many overseas commitments.”

“Nice to meet you.”

After exchanging greetings, they had a brief tea conversation. First, the county mayor shared the pride of Gochang.

“Our Gochang has as many as seven UNESCO-recognized World Heritage sites. Starting with the dolmen sites (고인돌 유적), traces of prehistoric times, registered as World Cultural Heritage, our vast tidal flats are designated as World Natural Heritage. True to being the birthplace of pansori (판소리), both the pansori that Master Shin Jae-hyo(신 재효) systematized in this land and Gochang nongak (농악 : farmers’ music) are listed as UNESCO Intangible Cultural Heritage. The entire Gochang region is also designated as a UNESCO Biosphere Reserve. In addition, two years ago, we completed our seven sites with the certification as a Global Geopark and the inscription of the Donghak Peasant Revolution proclamation (동학농민혁명 포고문) as Memory of the World. We have one entry in each of the five programs operated by UNESCO. That’s why we call Gochang a ‘World Heritage City.'”

Sunim asked.

“Do you actually get many foreign tourists?”

The county mayor hesitated for a moment.

“Transportation is still inconvenient, so we don’t get many foreign visitors yet. As for domestic tourists, 12.3 million visited last year. Our recognition as a tourist destination is increasing quite a bit.”

Sunim asked again.

“When many tourists come, does it actually help the local economy?”

The county mayor answered honestly.

“If they just pass through, honestly it’s just bothersome. They need to stay overnight, eat meals, and connect with the local economy. If they just come and go, they only leave trash behind. That’s why we’re talking a lot these days about transitioning to stay-type tourism.”

Despite having seven World Heritage sites, they had not yet fully realized their value. As the conversation continued, it was time to start the lecture. After taking a commemorative photo with Congressman Ahn Ho-young, Mayor Shim Deok-seop, Seonunsa Temple’s Deputy Abbot Venerable Cho-u, and Venerable Hye-su, Sunim headed to the lecture hall.

After the welcoming remarks by Congressman Ahn Ho-young, who is running for Jeonbuk Governor, and Mayor Shim Deok-seop, Sunim walked onto the stage to great applause and cheers. Before beginning the dialogue in earnest, Sunim first gave opening remarks and introduced the principles and purpose of Dharma Q&A (즉문즉설).

“What does it mean to be healthy? Is it healthy to run 100 meters in 12 seconds? Is it healthy to do 100 pull-ups? Being healthy means not being sick. Even a child is healthy if they’re not sick. Even someone with visual impairment is considered healthy if they don’t suffer from other illnesses. So what is happiness? Not suffering is happiness. This is the concept of nirvana. Not suffering is happiness itself. But what do we think happiness is? We consider pleasure to be happiness. Since we take feeling good as happiness, unhappiness in the form of suffering inevitably follows. So happiness and unhappiness, pleasure and pain, suffering (고 : 苦)and joy (락 : 樂) revolve around each other. This is called samsara (윤회). Not revolving between suffering and joy – that is nirvana, liberation from samsara. So when people talk with me, most end up saying, ‘Sunim, it’s no big deal.’ Knowing that it’s no big deal – this is the highest enlightenment.”

The Highest Enlightenment Is the Realization That ‘It Was No Big Deal’

“Someone says, ‘My husband died’ and suffers. Why are you sad that your husband died? Before marriage, when you had no husband, didn’t you live well alone? Not having a husband is just returning to the original state. What’s the problem? If you want to meet someone new, you can. If living together was bothersome, you can live alone. Your options have expanded. It’s not something to laugh about, but it’s not something to cry about either. This is how to establish your perspective. Someone says they’re suffering because they have a building that won’t sell. From their perspective, it might be a worry. But if you lower the price, it will sell quickly. The problem comes from wanting to get a lot for it. Just changing your perspective slightly makes it no longer a problem.

There are politicians in today’s audience. Let’s say one of them runs for governor. They need to perform well as a member of the National Assembly to be able to run for governor. Even if they lose the gubernatorial election, they break even. If someone improves from 5th place to 2nd place in their studies, that’s an achievement. However, people think anything less than 1st place is failure. 2nd place is also good. Similarly, just running for governor is a success. How many people can’t even run? So there’s no need to be anxious. Even if they lose, they’re still a member of the National Assembly, so they break even. If losing causes suffering, then the perspective is wrong. Rather, one should be able to encourage the opposing candidate by saying, ‘If you think this person will do better, please vote for them.’ What’s important is that Jeollabuk-do (전라북도) Province prospers and the Republic of Korea prospers, not that I personally succeed. Shouldn’t one be able to say, ‘If the citizens think this person will be a better governor than me, please vote for them?’ There’s no need to conduct elections only by disparaging opponents.

Business people think they need to drink alcohol to do business. However, they don’t need to drink. They can simply pay for the drinks. We tend to think too narrowly. Like this, we constantly agonize over trivial matters. When people talk with me, they often realize about things they thought were serious, ‘Oh, it’s not a big deal.’ The highest enlightenment is realizing that something wasn’t a big deal after all. A lower level of enlightenment is when someone realizes, ‘Oh, I can do it this way.’ This means they’ve found their own answer. However, someone who has nothing left to do is at an even higher level than someone who finds an answer and acts on it. Knowing ‘it’s not a big deal’ is a higher enlightenment because there’s nothing more to be done. People think I give good answers, but I don’t give answers. I can’t give answers for other people’s lives. Through our conversations, people either realize ‘it’s not a big deal’ or conclude ‘I understand. I can do it this way’ and organize their thoughts themselves. This way of helping people become self-reliant is what the Buddha did through his teachings.

However, if you keep asking about this and that, with more and more questions arising, that’s not awakening. It’s merely cultivating dependency. Ask just once in your lifetime. ‘Ah, so this is how I should think about it. Looking at it this way, it’s really not a big deal.’ If you change your perspective like this, you won’t waste your energy tormenting yourself but can instead use it for the benefit of the world. The reason practitioners help others is because they have energy to spare. Since they have surplus energy, they can use it to help others. The goal of Buddhism is not to practice until death and then achieve enlightenment. It’s to awaken suddenly and live in an awakened state until death. What great help would it be to achieve enlightenment at the moment of death? Now, let me hear your stories.”

The moderator then took a seat beside Sunim. Behind the moderator sitting next to Sunim, small memo notes were stuck closely together. These had been collected in advance at the entrance to the lecture hall. Before taking their seats, audience members had written down on these small pieces of paper what they wanted to ask Sunim.

The moderator peeled off one memo note. After briefly scanning the content, the moderator posed the question to Sunim on behalf of the audience. One note, then another. Questions containing each person’s story and concerns began to unfold one by one.

One person asked for Sunim’s advice, saying that life in this present existence was too difficult due to relationships with siblings and parents, and wondered if there were past lives and what kind of life they had lived in past lives to make things so hard now.

Did I Sin in a Past Life to Make Things So Difficult Now?

“Sunim, do past lives exist? What kind of life did I live in my past life that makes my present life so difficult? My relationship with my parents is difficult, and I don’t get along well with my siblings. I’m curious about what I can do to live with less hardship.”

“The question of whether past lives exist is similar to asking ‘Does God exist?’ If I say ‘God exists,’ some will believe it while others will think ‘The monk is talking nonsense.’ Conversely, if I say ‘God doesn’t exist,’ someone else will say ‘That’s nonsense.’ Ultimately, whether past lives exist or not is more a matter of faith than truth. So the answer itself—’Past lives exist’ or ‘Past lives don’t exist’—doesn’t have much meaning. Just as there are people who believe in God and those who don’t, there are people who believe in past lives and those who don’t. These two people simply have different beliefs. We cannot definitively say who is right or wrong. If you try to prove this matter of faith as objective fact, your perspective becomes misaligned. Let me share an anecdote from the Buddha’s time. One day, the Buddha went to a Brahmin’s house for alms. Brahmins belonged to the highest social class in India at that time. Here, alms-seeking doesn’t mean begging like ‘Please give me some food.’ Instead, a practitioner simply stands quietly at the door with a bowl. Whether to give food or not is entirely that person’s choice. We politely say ‘Please have a meal’ in Korean, but this is actually an imperative form. That’s why the scriptures don’t say ‘Please eat’ but record it as ‘The meal is prepared. Buddha, know the time.’ This means ‘The preparation is done. Whether you eat or not, and when you eat, is your decision.’ Similarly, it’s not right for a practitioner to say ‘Please give me a room, please give me money.’ They have no right to make demands. The practitioner just stands there, and the choice to give or not give lies with the other person. In this respect, the difference between a practitioner and a beggar lies in ‘asking versus just receiving.’ However, seeing the Buddha standing at his door, the Brahmin became upset. He got angry and hurled abuse, asking why someone with a perfectly healthy body was trying to get food instead of working for it. Hearing this, the Buddha smiled gently. The Brahmin asked, ‘Do you find my words funny?’ and picked more fights. Then the Buddha asked. ‘Brahmin, do guests sometimes come to your house?’ The Brahmin answered, ‘They do.’ The Buddha asked again. ‘When guests come, do they bring gifts?’ The Brahmin answered, ‘They do.’ The Buddha asked again. ‘If you don’t accept those gifts, whose are they?’ The Brahmin said, ‘They belong to the person who brought them.’ Then the Buddha smiled gently and said: ‘You gave me the gift of abuse, but if I smile and don’t accept it, whose is that abuse?’

The Brahmin heard this and immediately understood. He apologized to the Buddha and offered alms. When lay practitioners offer alms, the Buddha responds with a Dharma teaching. When the Buddha gave a detailed teaching in response to the Brahmin’s question, the Brahmin listened, understood, rejoiced, and became an ardent follower of the Buddha. Let’s examine this story carefully. When someone insults us, we usually tend to respond in kind. We say things like ‘Why are you insulting me?’, ‘You came here to beg’, ‘When did I ever ask you for anything?’ and the argument continues. Others watching might think, ‘Those two must have been enemies in a past life. Seeing them fight as soon as they meet, they’ll probably be enemies in the next life too.’ This becomes what we call a three-lifetime karmic enmity. On the other hand, what happens if we smile like the Buddha? Even though they just met, it leads to a good connection where one offers alms and listens to the Dharma teaching. Others watching might think, ‘They must have had a good connection in a past life to have such a good connection in this life. Having built a good connection in this life, they’ll probably have a good connection in the next life too.’ This becomes a three-lifetime karmic affinity. So when is it decided whether the three lifetimes will be a good or bad connection? Is it already determined in the past life, or is it determined right here and now?”

“It’s decided now.”

“That’s right. It’s determined by whether I respond with insults or with a smile when someone insults me. Ultimately, if we can just smile when someone insults us, we become a Buddha. But when someone insults us, we feel we must insult them back to feel satisfied. We think, ‘Forget about becoming a Buddha, I need to insult them right now,’ and that’s why we don’t become Buddhas. The path to becoming a Buddha is simple. Can you smile when insulted? Can you smile even when your spouse has an affair? Can you smile even when you can’t get back money you lent someone? This is it. We can’t do this well, so we don’t become Buddhas. Whether it’s a past life or this life, everything is ultimately determined by what I do right now, in this moment. One smile eliminates three lifetimes of karmic enmity, and one moment of anger creates three lifetimes of karmic enmity. Whether there are past lives or not is completely unimportant.”

“That’s crystal clear. I understand well.”

When Sunim finished his answer, the moderator asked Sunim an additional question.

Is My Current Suffering Really Due to the Situation?

“Sunim, you have been writing books for a long time. From ‘Practical Buddhist Thought (실천적 불교사상)’ written in 1988 to ‘The Heart Sutra (반야 심경),’ you’ve published many books, and I’ve kept several passages close to my heart. Among them is this phrase: ‘Suffering doesn’t come from the situation that causes suffering, but from my thoughts.’ This is a bit difficult to understand. My current hardship is suffering, but you’re saying it comes from my thoughts. Could you explain this in a way that’s easier to understand?”

“Let’s say after the lecture ends, as you’re leaving, you’re suddenly hit by a car and break one leg in a traffic accident. Compared to when your leg wasn’t broken, is having a broken leg a good situation or a bad situation?”

“It’s bad.”

“It’s natural to feel it’s bad. But now imagine both legs were broken in the accident. Is having one leg broken better or worse than having both legs broken?”

“It’s better than having both legs broken.”

“We think breaking one leg in a traffic accident is unfortunate. That’s because we compare it to when it wasn’t broken. But if we compare having one broken leg to having two broken legs, it’s a better situation.” “So is having one broken leg a bad situation or a good situation?”

“Even though the leg is broken, it’s a good situation. Because only one is broken.” (Laughter)

“That’s right. When we break one leg, we always compare it only to the ‘unbroken state,’ so we think it’s bad. But let’s say many people died in a traffic accident or fire, and only a few survived by a hair’s breadth. If someone thought to be dead somehow survived, or was seriously injured but their life isn’t in danger, compared to those who died, is this person fortunate or unfortunate?”

“Fortunate.”

“Because others died while this person survived. Our judgment changes depending on where we set our standard. Like this, any situation we experience is neither inherently good nor bad. It’s just a situation. In Buddhist terms, this is called ’emptiness (공)’ or ‘true reality (실상).’ But when thoughts intervene, comparing it this way makes it a bad situation, and comparing it that way makes it a good situation. So is good or bad in the situation? Or is it in our minds?”

“It’s in our minds.”

“That’s right. Good and bad are mental functions, not facts of reality. That’s why we call it ’emptiness’. It’s neither this nor that. But when the mind arises, some things become good and others become bad. In other words, good and bad are created by our minds. In Buddhism, this is called ‘everything is created by the mind (일체유심조

).

‘ This doesn’t mean that if you say ‘gold,’ it becomes gold, or if you say ‘silver,’ it becomes silver. It means all relative judgments like good and bad, right and wrong, correct and incorrect arise from the mind. So in reality, if we must give rise to a thought anyway, is it better to give rise to a good one or a bad one? Most people say it’s better to give rise to a good one. But we usually give rise to bad thoughts more often. That’s why we make ourselves unhappy. We suffer because of the thoughts we create. For example, I’m living alone now. By monastic standards, is living alone past 70 a success or failure?”

“It’s a success.”

“Only one in ten people who became monks with me still lives as a monk without returning to lay life. So by monastic standards, it’s a success. But by general secular standards, if someone hasn’t married by 70, people usually call it a failure. Like this, success or failure, good or bad, aren’t originally determined. They’re just facts. Depending on how you think about it, it becomes success or failure. Victory or defeat ultimately depends on your own mind. This is ‘everything is created by the mind.’ Clean and dirty aren’t in the water but in the mind. The story of Master Wonhyo (원효 대사) drinking water from a skull is an example. This principle also appears in the Avatamsaka Sutra (화엄경). Master Wonhyo also knew theoretically that ‘cleanliness and dirtiness don’t originally exist. They’re all created by the mind.’ But when he actually drank water from a skull, he vomited. At that moment, did Master Wonhyo succeed or fail in practicing what he knew?”

“He failed.”

“But within that failure, he suddenly realized, ‘Ah, it’s created by the mind!’ So in this case, is failure good or bad?”

“Looking at it that way, even failure is good.”

“So this teaching isn’t abstract. It works directly in our lives moment by moment. For example, let’s say you fall and break your leg while coming down from praying at the temple. If you think, ‘How unlucky. There’s no divine response even when I pray to Buddha,’ you end up denying the faith you’ve believed in. But if you grab the unbroken leg and think, ‘Still, thanks to my prayers, one leg is fine,’ you preserve your faith and your mind doesn’t collapse as much. What’s important isn’t whether you go to church or temple, but how you see things. There’s originally no good or bad in our lives. Some people awaken through poverty, others through wealth. But poverty and wealth don’t have a direct relationship with awakening. The key is your own mental function. Someone once told me this. ‘Sunim, I have such bad luck with men. I’ve been married three times. My first husband passed away, my second husband ran away, and I’m now living with my third husband.’ So is it fortunate to marry once in a lifetime or three times? Depending on your perspective, marrying three times could be fortunate. If you divorced because you disliked them, you might be criticized, but if your partner died or left, it’s not your responsibility, so you can remarry without moral criticism. Why do we think we should marry once and that marrying three times is bad? That’s a preconception. We define ourselves as unhappy by saying ‘I’m unhappy because I’ve married multiple times’ or ‘I’m unhappy because I have no children.’ But nowadays, some people say having no children is actually fortunate. In the past, they said having daughters was punishment for past life sins, but what about now? Is it fortunate to have sons or daughters?”

“It’s fortunate to have daughters.”

“That’s right. They say having sons ruins the household, while having daughters at least brings you a ring. All of these are just standards created by people. Here, ’emptiness’ doesn’t mean nonexistence, but that right and wrong aren’t originally determined. So while all phenomena are ’empty,’ they can be good or bad depending on conditions. This is ‘form is emptiness, emptiness is form (색즉시공, 공즉시색

)

.’ Our lives are the same. There’s no fixed ‘who I am,’ but when you have a child, you become a mother. When you marry, you become a wife. To your parents, you’re a daughter and to your child, you become a parent. It changes depending on whom you meet and what connections you make. So if you think you’re unhappy now, it’s because you’ve accepted and chosen to see it that way. If that mindset continues, you might continue to feel unhappy. But in fact, there’s no reason to be unhappy. Ultimately, it’s a matter of how you accept it.”

Questions continued one after another.

After being advised to get a detailed examination during a health checkup, I spent a week in hell. How can I reduce this worry?

I want to sincerely apologize to someone who won’t meet me. How can I convey a heartfelt apology?

Every time I make a choice, I’m always afraid and regretful. Does a life without regrets really exist?

My boyfriend and I seem to be in a rut. He just stays home, has no intention of getting a job, and seems irresponsible. Should I continue dating him?

I’ve hated many people, and those emotions torment me. How can I eliminate and resolve hatred?

The moderator read the notes one by one according to the pre-arranged format. Then Sunim made a suggestion from his seat.

“Instead of doing it this way, how about having people raise their hands and ask questions directly from the audience?”

The atmosphere changed when the format changed. Hands began to rise tentatively here and there in the audience. One resident stood up and spoke with an earnest voice.

“I’m very sick, and I feel like I’ll be healed if I can just hold Sunim’s hand once.”

Sunim answered warmly.

“Let’s do that on your way out after the lecture.”

The lecture hall became lively when the format changed to direct questions and answers.

I was shocked when the Dalai Lama revealed in an official lecture that he reads and meditates on the Bible. Do you also have a Bible, and how do you incorporate it into your daily life?

I’ve been diagnosed as needing to take depression medication for 5 more years, and my mental strength is declining. It’s so hard. How can I endure going forward?

I’m worried seeing you always so busy with activities. How do you plan to spend your later years comfortably and happily?

As the lecture was wrapping up, even more people wanted to raise their hands. Unfortunately, time was up. The moderator made a final suggestion. He proposed taking a commemorative photo with Sunim and the county governor sitting on stage together with the audience.

“One, two, three!”

After finishing the photo with the sound of shutters, Sunim turned back toward the audience and continued his closing remarks.

“Among those asking questions, some were worried about death. Are people who worry about death alive or dead?”

“They’re alive.”

“Worrying about death is something only living people do. When you die, will you worry about death or not? Worrying about death is a waste. You’ll see when you get there. It’s the same as someone who hasn’t even married worrying about how to raise children. You don’t even know if you’ll marry or not. Have the child and think about it then.”

Right Here, Right Now, No Problem

“If you think too much about the future, the brain gets confused. If you think, ‘What will happen if I get married in the future?’ the brain mistakes that future event as if it is happening right now. That is exactly what worry and anxiety are. Conversely, when you recall past memories, the brain also mistakes them for happening in the present, which creates suffering, hatred, and resentment. All these emotions arise because the brain confuses past memories as if they are occurring now. Thinking about the future brings worry, anxiety, restlessness, and unease. Suffering, anger, frustration, hatred, and resentment come from dwelling on the past. That is why Buddhism teaches: ‘Do not dwell on the past that has gone, do not anticipate the future that has not yet come, be fully awake here and now.’ Right now, here, there is no problem. If you maintain the perspective that ‘Here and now, there is no problem,’ all of you can live each day happily. Pleasure is not true happiness. True happiness is the absence of suffering.”

When the talk ended, the lecture hall erupted in applause.

Sunim immediately went to find the person who had asked the question earlier. Leaning on a cane and struggling to stand, the person reached out a hand toward sunim. Sunim clasped that hand firmly with both of his own. Then, in a quiet but strong voice, he gently encouraged the person, giving them courage.

As he exited the lecture hall, the Gochang County Office presented Sunim with a bouquet of flowers. They also asked him to take one more commemorative photo in front of the banner. Sunim smiled brightly as he posed for the photo.

After leaving the Cultural Center, Sunim met again with the vice president of the Northeast Asia Economic and Cultural Promotion Association, whom he had met before the lecture. They had an extensive conversation about how cultural exchange between Korea and China could be further promoted.

“Next time you come to Shenyang (심양), please let me know. I would like to help in any way I can with the work you do, Sunim.”

“Yes, I will.”

After a 30-minute meeting, Sunim departed Gochang County at 5:30 p.m. and headed to Seoul.

As they traveled by car, the sun set outside the window.

The sun had set, and the full moon rose. According to the lunar calendar, today was the first full moon (정월 대보름) of the lunar new year.

Under the full moon, we drove nonstop on the highway and arrived at the Jungto Center in Seoul at 8:30 p.m.

After reviewing manuscripts and handling various tasks, Sunim went to bed early.

Tomorrow, he plans to meet with guests visiting the Peace Foundation early in the morning, conduct a live Dharma talk in the late morning, discuss the first half of the year’s overseas schedule with his staff in the afternoon, and travel to the Dubuk Training Center in the evening.