Feb 28, 2025 – Day 12 of the 100-Day Dharma Talk, Friday Dharma Q&A
Hello. Today is the 12th day of Venerable Pomnyun Sunim’s 100-Day Dharma Talk. Morning and evening Dharma Q&A sessions were held at the Jungto Social and Cultural Center.
Sunim began his day by attending the regular board meeting of the US Jungto Society at 7:30 AM after completing his morning practice and meditation. The board reviewed and approved the 2024 business report and financial statements, as well as the 2025 business plan and budget. With the completion of the US Jungto Society board meeting, Sunim has successfully concluded all overseas corporate board meetings. He expressed his appreciation to the volunteers who worked hard to prepare the materials.
At 10 AM, Sunim headed to the Jungto Social and Cultural Center for the Friday Dharma Q&A session. Volunteers had been welcoming citizens who came to attend the Q&A since early morning.
At 10:15 AM, with about 120 people in attendance, the Friday Dharma Q&A began with the recitation of the Three Refuges and Words for Practice. Approximately 3,300 people were connected to the YouTube live broadcast.
Sunim first greeted the audience and viewers.
“Today is a time when you can ask questions on the spot about any difficulties you’re experiencing in life and discuss them together. There are no restrictions on topics. Well then, shall we begin?”
People who had submitted questions in advance began their conversations with Sunim. There was also time for spontaneous questions from the audience. One person asked Sunim for advice on how to handle a situation where her boyfriend wanted to break up because he felt uncomfortable with her having a religion.
My Boyfriend Wants to Break Up Because He’s Uncomfortable with My Religion. What Should I Do?
“This might sound like a good question, but it’s actually about desire. If marriage is your priority, you could stop your practice right now, call that man, and say, ‘I’ve stopped practicing, so let’s get married.’ Conversely, if practice is more important to you, then you shouldn’t worry about ‘Will there be a man who understands my practice?’ Your position should be, ‘If I find a man who understands, I’ll consider marriage; if not, I won’t.’ That’s what practice means. If practice is truly important to you, you should consider marriage only with someone who understands your path and is willing to live with it. If such a person doesn’t exist, you should think, ‘If Sunim can live alone, why can’t I?’ But you’re trying to hold onto both desires—the desire to get married and the desire to practice. It might seem like you’ve made a commitment to practice, but in reality, you’ve just added another desire. You’ve added practice as a desire on top of your desire for a man.
If marriage is more important, then accept that man’s request. Call him right now and say, ‘I’ll give up my practice, so let’s get married.’ But you should know that relationship won’t last long. If a man refuses to marry a woman he likes just because she practices, you can tell what’s in his mind. Practicing isn’t even a special religious activity, yet he wants to break up because of it. This means he’s been hesitant all along but had no excuse to express it. He was thinking, ‘What excuse can I use to break up?’ and when you mentioned your practice, he found a good excuse: ‘I don’t like religious things.’ So he suggested breaking up, but your practice isn’t the real reason. You can test this yourself. Call him now and say, ‘I’ll stop practicing, so let’s get back together.’ He’ll come up with another reason. So there’s no need to have lingering attachments. Your boyfriend didn’t break up because of your practice.”
“Thank you. I understand now.”
Six people were able to have conversations with Sunim during the hour and a half session. The morning session concluded at noon, with plans to continue with the remaining questions in the evening.
Sunim immediately headed to the dining hall on the first basement level. Former Environment Minister Yoon Yeo-joon visited, and they had lunch together. They discussed at length how to reduce factional conflicts and achieve national unity in the current chaotic state of the country.
At 1:30 PM, former congressman Kim Deok-ryong, a senior politician and chairman of the Kim Young-sam Democratic Center, visited Sunim to discuss current national issues.
Shortly after, at 4 PM, Kang Dae-in, chairman of the Dialogue Culture Academy, visited to share opinions on constitutional amendments before departing. Since the December 3 martial law situation and the presidential impeachment phase, the country has been in considerable turmoil, leading more people to seek Sunim’s advice. Sunim sincerely welcomed all visitors and offered advice generously.
As the sun set, the Friday Dharma Q&A session continued at 7:30 PM in the basement auditorium. Many citizens came to the Jungto Social and Cultural Center to attend. After registering on-site or submitting their questions, they made their way to the basement auditorium with light steps.
The session began with approximately 5,100 people connected via YouTube and about 120 people present at the venue. After reciting the Three Refuges and Words for Practice, Sunim took his place on stage. He explained the purpose of the Dharma Q&A and immediately began taking questions from the audience.
During the hour and a half session, six people raised their hands to speak with Sunim. One person asked for advice on how to manage feelings of contempt toward superiors who seem incompetent at work.
I Feel Contempt When My Superior Seems Incompetent
“This will resolve itself naturally in a short time. Why? Because soon people will be working under you. Right now, you look at your superior and think, ‘Why can’t they do better than that?’ But one morning, you’ll wake up and find yourself in a superior position. And from that point on, you’ll start receiving contemptuous looks from your subordinates. Then you’ll naturally realize:
‘Ah! Superiors are human too. Subordinates are human too. It wasn’t such a big deal after all! Now I’m receiving the consequences of my past actions!’
You’ll reflect on this. You have a fixed idea that ‘a superior should at least know more than I do.’ But that’s a misconception. People don’t become superiors just because they know more. Of course, some become superiors because of their knowledge, but the role of a superior is to ‘manage.’ Management means operating an organization and coordinating the roles of various people. Because of this, someone can take on that role even if their knowledge is lacking.
There was once a head monk nicknamed “Don’t Know” Sunim who didn’t know how to do anything. People generally think that for a temple to attract many visitors, a monk should give good Dharma talks and chant well, right? Of course, that approach does bring in many people. However, this monk didn’t know how to do anything. When followers requested Dharma talks, he would say, “I don’t know how to give Dharma talks,” and instead invited accomplished monks to deliver them. Rather than giving talks himself, he would invite anyone who was good at giving Dharma talks so people could listen to them. It was the same when asked to perform chanting ceremonies. He would say he didn’t know how to chant either, and whenever a memorial service was needed, he would invite monks skilled in chanting to conduct it. Despite this, the temple ran successfully.
Not knowing how to do things doesn’t mean one can’t manage effectively. In fact, because he didn’t know how to do many things, he was able to run the temple with a more open attitude. When there was a monk who gave good Dharma talks, he invited them so people could listen. When there was a monk who chanted well, he invited them to perform memorial services. Thanks to this approach, the followers at that temple were able to hear Dharma talks from various monks. The expenses weren’t covered by the head monk but were voluntarily collected by the followers. His nickname was “Don’t Know Sunim” because he would answer “I don’t know” to any question. Even though his attitude was “I don’t know anything. Figure it out yourselves,” the temple ran well.
There was another temple that operated successfully even without a resident monk. This temple was run by a female lay practitioner who served as the temple cook. Though she was essentially the temple’s caretaker, she only performed the role of cook and never acted as if she owned the place. She simply prepared good meals for visitors and followers who came to the temple. When Dharma talks were needed, she invited monks, and when chanting was required, she also invited monks to conduct the ceremonies. She just cooked in the kitchen and enjoyed spending time with people. Yet, many people gathered at this temple.
Everyone has their own talents. You don’t necessarily have to be good at everything. Your thinking that “a boss should be better than me” is misguided. If your boss were better at the job than you, you would never have the opportunity to take that position. Actually, it’s better if your boss is less skilled than you because that increases your chances of taking on that role in the future. While it might seem beneficial to have smart, capable subordinates, that’s not always the case. Upper management typically wants to assign positions to those who perform better. So it’s not necessarily bad if your subordinates aren’t performing well. That’s how you can continue in your role as team leader.
When I conduct Dharma Q&A with Korean immigrants running businesses in the United States, they often complain about employees from other countries who don’t understand instructions well and can’t perform tasks properly even after repeated training. I respond to them like this:
“If those employees were that competent and smart, why would they be working for you? They would quickly learn the business and open their own shops.”
You can maintain your position as a business owner because your employees aren’t perfect at their jobs. Korean immigrants in America can only run businesses when they have such employees. That’s how the world works. Similarly, your thinking is flawed. A supervisor can’t know everything. There will be things they don’t know, and in those situations, you can humbly say, ‘Team leader, from my perspective, I think it might be this way.’ Pointing out ‘How can you be a team leader and not know this?’ is not your role—it’s the responsibility of upper management or the business owner. You’re not the owner, are you? You’re acting as if you are the owner when you’re not.
Even if an employee makes a mistake that causes significant damage to the company, that’s the owner’s responsibility, not yours. If a colleague is lazy, that’s not your concern. It’s not part of your job. If you become a team leader with staff management responsibilities, then it would be your business, but not now. Unless it involves illegal activity, there’s no need for you to get involved. In practice communities like Jungto Society, fellow practitioners need to help polish each other’s character, but in ordinary companies, such an attitude can be seen as interfering with colleagues. It’s simply behavior that stems from unconsciously thinking you’re the boss. However, if someone is engaging in illegal activities, you can get involved from the perspective of upholding social justice. I hope you can adopt this perspective.”
“Thank you.”
Questions continued to follow.
By the time the conversation ended, it was past 9 PM. Following the volunteers’ guidance, all the audience members in the main hall returned home. Sunim expressed his gratitude to the volunteers for their hard work before heading to the Jungto Center.
Tomorrow is the 106th anniversary of the March 1st Independence Movement. In the morning, Sunim will hold a special Dharma assembly with neighboring religious leaders, and in the afternoon, he will participate online in the 17th Korean Minutemen for Peace and Unification Assembly to deliver a Dharma talk for the Tongil Euibyung members.
