I React Sensitively to Others’ Gazes and Evaluations

I React Sensitively to Others’ Gazes and Evaluations

“I react very sensitively to others’ gazes and evaluations. However, I want to live more boldly and impressively. Books and YouTube videos say that if I don’t evaluate others first, I won’t be afraid of such things. The problem is that my job involves thoroughly evaluating and pointing out others’ faults. I’m curious about what mindset I should have while doing my job.”

“First, we need to establish the right perspective on what evaluation is. It’s important to have the perspective that evaluation is done to find whether a person is suitable for a job or not, rather than distinguishing superiority and inferiority between people. With this perspective, a person doesn’t become inferior just because they’re not suitable for a job. Also, a person who is evaluated as suitable for a job isn’t necessarily superior. They’re simply suitable for that job. But what happens if we evaluate people based on superiority and inferiority? Those who receive a superior evaluation develop a superiority complex. Those who receive the opposite evaluation develop an inferiority complex. However, this isn’t the reality of that person. When others evaluate me, they do so based on their own standards. It’s the same as when I evaluate them based on my standards.”

“In my profession, I often have to evaluate and point out things to others. Should I approach this by thinking, ‘This is just my opinion,’ every time I do so?”

“You must have your own evaluation criteria, though I’m not sure what they are. I would like to suggest that instead of using superiority or inferiority as your evaluation standard, use suitability for a particular task as your criterion. Let me use myself as an example. I’m often evaluated as being somewhat cold towards people. This makes me suitable to be a monk. However, it would make me unsuitable as a husband in a marriage. You might think, ‘Sunim is so great. I wish I could live with him even for a day.’ But if you were to spend just three days with me, you’d conclude, ‘Oh my, my husband is a hundred times better.’ (Laughter) When evaluating, we shouldn’t discuss superiority or inferiority. Evaluation isn’t about what’s good or bad, but about what’s suitable or unsuitable for a given situation. Out of the millions of talents humans possess, it’s not right to rank children based on just three subjects: math, English, and Korean. We can say ‘This child is good at math’ or ‘That child is good at English,’ but it’s problematic to say ‘This child is exceptionally talented.’ Moreover, the evaluation criteria themselves are problematic. Tests can evaluate memorization skills, but it’s difficult to assess creativity. These days, creativity is valued more highly. Sometimes, people who seem a bit odd from a conventional perspective create something new and gain recognition for their talent. Schematic thinking is no longer sufficient for demonstrating creativity. In the future, artificial intelligence will likely replace all tasks that can be systematized. Perhaps only unpredictable areas will remain for humans to work in. Therefore, when evaluating, we should consider time, space, and whether a person is temporarily suitable for a particular task. This shouldn’t become an evaluation of the person themselves. The questioner should evaluate in this way, and also interpret others’ evaluations of themselves from this perspective. Evaluation is not objective. No matter how hard we try to establish objective criteria, people inevitably evaluate based on their own standards. Therefore, you shouldn’t worry too much about how others evaluate you. It’s impossible to receive positive evaluations from everyone. Even for me, while you give me such positive evaluations, there are others who call me a ‘commie’ for providing humanitarian aid to North Korea and tell me to ‘Go live in North Korea instead.’ When I said it’s better for mothers to raise their children until they’re three years old, working mothers in their 30s criticized me, saying, ‘Why don’t you try having and raising a child yourself?’ It’s impossible to receive positive evaluations from everyone. I hope you understand that this is the nature of evaluation.”

“Yes, I understand. Thank you.”

Tomorrow, Sunim will attend a meeting of religious leaders for national reconciliation and peace in the morning, followed by a live broadcast of the daytime Weekly Dharma Assembly. In the afternoon, he will participate in a peace research seminar and attend a planning committee meeting. In the evening, he will conduct a live broadcast of the evening Weekly Dharma Assembly.”