Sep 19, 2024 – North American West Coast Lecture Tour (5) San Diego
Hello. Venerable Pomnyun Sunim’s fifth Dharma Q&A on his North America West Coast tour took place in San Diego, California in the southern part of the United States.
After finishing his morning practice and meditation, Sunim started his day by having breakfast at 6 AM Before leaving Las Vegas where he had been staying, Sunim gifted copies of his English translation books to Ms. Yoon Jung-hee and her husband who had provided his lodging and meals and headed to the airport.
“Thanks to you, I had a good stay”
After arriving at the airport and checking in the luggage, Sunim departed from Las Vegas airport at 8:20 AM. After a 1 hour and 10 minute flight, he arrived at San Diego airport at 9:30 AM.
As Sunim exited the airport, San Diego Jungto Society members Kim Hye-jin, Kim Sung-min, and Lee Chang-seok welcomed him.
After taking photos together, they headed to the home of Kwon Eun-kyung and Kim Yong-pil.
After a 30-minute drive, they arrived at Kim Yong-pil’s house at 10 AM. After having a late breakfast and conversation, they left again at 11:30 AM to head to the Dharma talk location.
Upon hearing that Sunim was coming to San Diego, the Dharma Bum Temple requested a lecture. This is a temple Sunim visits every year when he comes to San Diego.
The Dharma Bum Temple is a church building constructed in 1925, which was vacant for several years before being purchased and renovated in the spring of 2017. Currently, six lay practitioners reside there, and the group that started downtown 15 years ago has continued to develop to this day. It is operated on a volunteer basis and also runs meditation programs for treating addictions such as drug and alcohol addiction.
Upon arrival at the temple, co-representative Maggie warmly welcomed Sunim. The other co-representative Jeff expressed his regret at not being able to attend due to a scheduling conflict with leading a meditation training session at a military base.
“At our temple, we hold a silent meditation practice every Thursday.”
“It’s a day of silence today, so how can you speak?”
“It’s alright. People will prefer to hear Sunim’s words. It’s better than silent meditation.”
Even though it was a weekday, the Dharma Q&A started at noon, with people utilizing their lunch hour to attend. Around 90 people also connected through the YouTube live stream prepared by the temple.
Sunim greeted everyone with a smile.
“Hello everyone. It’s good to see you again after meeting last year. I heard that you have been studying the Heart Sutra these days. I also heard that you do meditation every Thursday. Practicing like this is very good for yourself. Today, I thought it would be good to have a conversation about the difficulties you face in your practice.”
In the front row, some people sat on large cushions, listening to the Dharma talk as if meditating. Some nodded throughout the lecture, while others diligently took notes of Sunim’s words.
Rather than personal life issues, many asked questions about Buddhism. For an hour and twenty minutes, five people asked questions and engaged in dialogue with Sunim.
Is it possible to use a part of the Heart Sutra as a hwadu for meditation?
How does Buddhism explain and view the Ego?
Does non-self mean that there is function but no substance?
Is being aware of, observing, and extinguishing self-centered desires the Middle Way?
As there were many questions about Buddhism, Sunim summarized the core of Buddhism.
“I heard that this temple studies Buddhism comprehensively. I was told that it’s not just the teachings of a specific sect, but that various people come and express different opinions. What Zen Buddhism says is slightly different from what Mahayana Buddhism says, and within Mahayana Buddhism, what Pure Land Buddhism says is slightly different from what Huayan and Tiantai schools say. Theravada also says slightly different things. However, even if there are slight differences, I believe that to be within the framework of Buddhism, two most important elements must be present.
The first is a worldview based on dependent origination. This is a matter of how we view the world. Do we see it as a collection of individual entities or as interconnected parts of a whole? For example, when talking about a hand, do we say it is five separate fingers coming together, or five different fingers connected as one hand? The Buddhist worldview considers the fingers as distinct yet united as one hand. This is called the worldview of dependent origination. It is said that beneath the Bodhi tree, the Buddha attained enlightenment. The content of that enlightenment is the ‘law of dependent origination’. No matter how much Buddhism changes over time, if the worldview of dependent origination is denied, it can no longer be called Buddhism.
The second is the Middle Way. The Middle Way is a teaching the Buddha used to reject extremes. The two extremes during the Buddha’s time were asceticism and hedonism. Discovering that neither extreme could lead to liberation, the Buddha presented a new path, which is the Middle Way. It doesn’t mean a middle ground between the two. It means transcending both extremes. Hedonism is following desires. Asceticism is suppressing desires. Both are responses to desire, so in that sense, they are the same. The actions are opposite, but their roots are desire. The Buddha neither followed nor suppressed desires. He simply recognized them. In other words, he didn’t react to desires. He just noticed, ‘There are desires’. This approach was a new path that didn’t exist in traditional thought. It was a path the Buddha discovered for the first time. Upon discovering the Middle Way, the Buddha reached a state of ease without tension. From that relaxed state, he simply maintained awareness. By discovering this new path, the Buddha attained enlightenment.
Whether these two elements are included is an important criterion. The theoretical articulations of the worldview of dependent origination are impermanence and non-self. Being interconnected and changing in that interconnectedness is the law of dependent origination. The spatial interconnectedness is articulated as non-self. The temporal interconnectedness means being linked by cause and effect. That is impermanence. In this way, when one realizes impermanence and non-self, in other words, when one realizes the law of dependent origination, one becomes free from suffering. Not realizing dependent origination is what leads to not being free from suffering.
“Today, we talked a lot about Buddhist philosophy. I hope these discussions have been helpful in your studies. The most important thing is to maintain peace of mind. Shaving your head or wearing monastic robes doesn’t automatically bring peace of mind. Anyone who listens to and experiences the Buddha’s teachings can be free from suffering.”
The last questioner expressed deep love for their children and asked about how to practice the middle way by loving children without becoming attached to them.
Is there a way to love children without attachment?
“Although you call it ‘deep love’, it is simply your own desire. The love the Buddha spoke of is not referring to some kind of desire we have. Even if they are my children, the child and I are different. You need to accept the child’s actions and words as they are, even if they differ from you. Acknowledging differences is called respect. And accepting that ‘from their perspective, they can act and speak that way’ is understanding. When based on understanding, that is called love. However, we tend to call our own emotions love. But since that is desire, if things don’t go our way, it turns into hatred. When based on understanding, no matter what the other person does, hatred does not arise. This is what is called ‘compassion’.
If you think the child shouldn’t act a certain way, you can tell them calmly with a peaceful mind. If you get angry because the child doesn’t act as you say, that is insisting on your own thoughts. Most people react that way. But children are not beings who will understand after being told just once. You need to tell them many times. You must continuously teach without any hatred. If the child acts in a way you consider wrong, you don’t have to support that behavior, but you don’t need to scold them either. Since children receive a lot of help and support from their parents, that alone can have significant influence.
Let me give you an example. Let’s say you prepare a meal and call the child to come eat, but they don’t come. After calling a few times, we typically get angry or put the food away. Then when the child comes later asking for food, we scold them. And then we set the table again. This creates confusion. When young children are scolded, it hurts their hearts. Also, setting the table even when it’s past the time encourages bad habits in the child. As a result, you both hurt the child and reinforce bad habits.
So what should we do? First, let the child know it’s time to eat. If they don’t come, tell them you will put the food away. At this point, you shouldn’t scold them. But later, when the child asks for food, you shouldn’t set the table either. Let them be, even if they cry and fuss. Since scolding would hurt them, you don’t scold. You don’t need to mind the child’s crying. Because the child also needs to realize that not everything will go their way. So they need to either find food to eat on their own or go hungry. It may pain a mother’s heart to watch, but it is a big lesson for the child.
As a mother, you shouldn’t prioritize your own emotions, but rather focus on how the child can grow properly. Being able to aim for the child’s proper growth is what makes a true parent. That is compassion. When you take this perspective, there is little room to go to extremes
“If it’s educationally necessary for the child, you can choose not to give them a meal. But at that time, it is not an attitude of a parent who cares for their child if you eat while not giving food to the child. That is considered punishment. A parent shouldn’t punish their child. So you must go hungry yourself as well. When you say ‘Mom is not feeling well so she can’t make dinner tonight. You’ll have to make your own food’, the child doesn’t get scolded and also develops proper habits. It’s not good for a parent to tell a child to do something they themselves don’t do. If you want a child to realize something, you need to face the same difficulties as the child, whether that’s going hungry together or otherwise. That’s when you avoid leaning one way or the other. This is the Middle Way.”
“Thank you.”
The lecture ended with a big round of applause. The temple presented Sunim with a gift of oolong tea.
“Today’s lecture was wonderful. Thank you so much for taking the time.”
After the lecture, it was 1:20 PM.
We returned to Mr. Kim Yong-pil’s house for lunch. After presenting Sunim’s book as a gift to Ms. Kwon Eun-kyung, who prepared the meal, and exchanging greetings, we headed to the lecture venue at 3:30 PM.
After an hour’s drive, we arrived at the lecture venue.
Today’s lecture is being held at the Encinitas Library, a public library located in Encinitas, a coastal town in San Diego County. It’s a place where various cultural programs and educational workshops are held for local residents, and today they’ve lent the space for Sunim’s Dharma Q&A lecture.
Upon arrival at the lecture venue, Sunim took a tour of the library. Located on a hill, it offered a beautiful view of the Pacific Ocean. The sea was visible even from inside the library.
Volunteers were welcoming participants warmly from early on. Some people came early to buy books, while others were submitting their questions.
At 5 PM sharp, the lecture began after watching an introductory video about Sunim.
With about 60 people filling the seats, everyone welcomed Sunim with a big round of applause as he gave his opening remarks.
“This overseas schedule spans a month, and I spent half of that time engaging in humanitarian aid activities to help people in need. We mainly do work to help those facing a survival crisis. The Buddha also said that those who are thirsty need water first. If you can drink water, eat food, wear clothes, but still feel suffering, that is not a material problem but a spiritual one. Yet most people still mistakenly believe that their suffering arises from a lack of material things. In Buddhism, this mistaken way of thinking is expressed as ‘foolishness’. Our suffering occurs because of this foolishness. When you awaken from foolishness, suffering disappears. That’s why the Buddha spoke of not being foolish and becoming a wise person, rather than telling people to be good or do good deeds. Those who make themselves suffer are foolish people. Most people today feel like others make them suffer, but in fact, they are making themselves suffer. When foolish people escape from that foolishness, it is called ‘enlightenment’. When you attain enlightenment, suffering and stress disappear.
Dharma talks are not a place to discuss Buddhist thought or doctrine. Any of us can face some difficulty and suffer, but having a conversation to make that suffering disappear is what we call a Dharma talk. So if any of you are feeling suffering today, feel free to bring up anything and let’s have a conversation together. Now, shall we begin?”
Sunim then took questions from those who had submitted them in advance, as well as spontaneous questions from the audience. Over the course of two hours, six people engaged in dialogue with Sunim. One of them expressed difficulty empathizing and relating to others and sought Sunim’s advice.
It’s Difficult for Me to Empathize and Connect with Others
“Just live as you are. What can you do about the way you were made? Since your mental reasoning system formed that way as you grew up, you can live like that without any problems. There is no reason you must empathize. But I hope you keep two things in mind.
First, you need to acknowledge that other people are different from you. If I see an object as black but someone else says it’s white, you need to accept ‘It looks white to their eyes’. Don’t approach it like ‘How is that white? It’s black!’ Just accept ‘It looks white to your eyes’. As another example, let’s say I don’t believe in God but someone else does. At that time, just accept ‘You believe in God’. It’s not about what’s right or wrong, just that we are different. Acknowledging differences doesn’t require empathy. No matter what the other person says, just acknowledge ‘They think that way’
Second, go a step further and understand ‘From their perspective, they could think that way’. Like ‘My wife could think that way’, ‘The kids could think that way’, ‘My boss could think that way’ – understanding that ‘From their perspective, they could think that way’. It’s not telling you to feel the same emotions as the other person. You can understand plenty without empathizing. Then there are no problems in human relationships.
If you see someone with high empathy and think you should be like them, it’s like a cat saying, “I should become like a tiger.” There’s no need to do that. A tiger is a tiger, and a cat is a cat. Of course, if you want to change, you can practice. For example, let’s say in a 100m race, your time is 25 seconds, and your opponent’s is 20 seconds. They’re different. But if you want to run a bit faster, you can practice. Not because there’s something wrong with you, but because you want to. When you do this, setting your goal too high increases the chances of failure. This leads to disappointment in yourself, and if it accumulates, it eventually results in an inferiority complex.
Everyone here is fine as you are. However, you often set your goals too high, which makes you lack confidence and doubt yourself. You’re fine just as you are now. Improving your 100m race time from 25 seconds to 24 seconds is possible with about three months of practice. That’s when you feel a sense of achievement. Building on that achievement, you might think, “Let’s try to shave off another second,” and challenge yourself again. You don’t become a failure because you lack ability, but because you’re too greedy to excel. You should be able to be satisfied with your current state. However, if you want to improve, you can set your goal slightly higher and challenge yourself. That’s when you develop self-esteem.
“Thank you.”
The questions continued.
I work as a nurse in a psychiatric ward. Recently, I’ve been struggling with frequent verbal abuse and sexual harassment from patients. I’m torn between wanting to quit my job and wanting to help them.
I’m a psychiatrist. I tried applying meditation to depressed patients, but it didn’t help some of them. How should I introduce meditation to treat patients with trauma?
I’m a wildlife researcher. Why do humans, unlike animals, experience the suffering of hallucinations, illusions, and delusions?
My mother divorced my father and raised me alone. She sacrificed herself to pay off the debts incurred from this. She might not live long, so how can I repay her kindness?
The last questioner asked about spiritual life. They asked if there was a better way to follow God’s calling.
Is There a Better Way to Receive God’s Calling?
“There is no high or low, and there is no calling. It’s just a choice I made. There is no sacrifice. Who is being sacrificed? If a woman asked me to marry her and I didn’t agree, was she sacrificed? When I became a monk, my mother opposed it. Was she sacrificed? Did I hit my mother? Did I steal her money? Did I sexually harass her? Did I commit fraud? Did I verbally abuse her? What wrong did I do to my mother? Is she sacrificed because I didn’t do what she wanted? If I always act according to my mother’s wishes, I’m not a free person but an eternal slave to my mother. No one is sacrificed because of the path I choose. Adults can decide and live their own lives. Marriage is a mutual social agreement. It’s a problem to break the promise unilaterally, but it’s not a sin to break the promise by mutual agreement. Don’t think ‘someone was sacrificed,’ ‘it’s a higher place,’ or ‘I received a calling.’ If there’s a path other than living a married life, you can just take that path.
Just because I’ve chosen the path of a monk doesn’t mean I’m on a higher path than you. I can only say that I’m on a slightly different path. Just as we wear different clothes and have different names, the path I’m on isn’t superior. However, this path may be more satisfying for me. You, too, should find satisfaction in the path you’ve chosen. Let’s say two people get married. If I visit their home and feel so envious that I think, “Maybe I should get married too,” it means they’re more satisfied with their life. Conversely, if you look at me and think, “Living alone like Sunim doesn’t seem so bad. Maybe I should become a monk too,” it suggests your life isn’t as fulfilling as mine. Right now, you and I are in a friendly competition. But you often complain to me about the difficulties of the path you’ve chosen, don’t you? That’s why I’m slightly ahead in this competition. If I were to come to you for counseling because living alone is hard for me, then you’d be a bit ahead. (Laughter)
You all got married, didn’t you? You had children, didn’t you? You got jobs, didn’t you? You started businesses, didn’t you? You all began these things because you wanted to. So why do you keep coming to me with these problems? To be frank, it means you’re not being diligent in your own affairs. If there’s conflict in your marriage, you should investigate, “Why is this problem occurring?” If your child doesn’t listen, instead of scolding them, you should research, “Why is my child behaving this way?” But you don’t do this research. To put it bluntly, you’re lazy about life. And then you come to me asking for solutions. When I give you a solution, you say, “Ah, I see!” and feel satisfied. You’re asking me, someone with no experience in these matters, about things you’ve experienced for 20 years. If I can provide more accurate solutions despite this, what have you been doing for those 20 years?
There is no higher path. There are just different paths. There are many paths, and we choose one of them. At first, I hesitated to take a path different from the one most people take, but ultimately, I’m satisfied with my choice. I initially wanted to become a scientist, and I was very disappointed when I couldn’t fulfill that dream. My mother’s strong opposition was also a constant burden. Additionally, I was burdened by my disappointment in the Korean Buddhist community for not fulfilling its social responsibilities. I faced these difficulties too. At that time, I didn’t think I was responsible for these challenges. I thought it was the problem of others who were blocking my path. However, all of these were my own issues. It was difficult at the time, but after overcoming everything and looking back, I can see that they were all my own problems.
“So, choose one of the many paths for yourself. If you ask me, of course, I can only recommend the path that I’ve taken and found to be good. Suppose someone went to a doctor and was prescribed exercise due to lack of physical activity. If that person then asks a soccer player, ‘What kind of exercise should I do?’ what would the soccer player say? They’d say to play soccer. If they ask a basketball player, they’d say to play basketball. In this case, should you be confused about what to do just because one person says to play soccer and another says to play basketball? Not at all. Any path is fine, but if you ask me, I’ll tell you to become a monk. If you ask a priest, they’ll tell you to become a priest. However, there’s no reason to be confused about this.”
“Thank you.”
The conversation ended with a big round of applause. Sunim approached the questioners and attendees, greeting them warmly. He directly asked foreign attendees for their impressions.
“How was the lecture?”
“It was very good.”
“What did you like about it?”
“I felt peace of mind after hearing Sunim’s answers.”
As the library needed to be vacated by 7 PM, a book signing session was held immediately on stage. Many people received signatures and expressed their gratitude to Sunim.
“Today’s lecture was wonderful. Thank you.”
After the book signing, everyone helped clean up the lecture hall.
Sunim took a commemorative photo with the volunteers who prepared the lecture.
“San Diego, fighting!”
Sunim gifted his English translated books to Kim Seongmin, who oversaw the lecture, and Lee Changseok, who volunteered as a driver.
“Thank you.”
After expressing gratitude to the volunteers, Sunim departed from San Diego at 7 PM and headed to Orange County.
After a 1 hour and 20 minute drive, they arrived at the home of Go Bonhwa in Orange County at 8:20 PM. After greeting Mr. and Mrs. Go, they had a late dinner and concluded the day’s activities.
Tomorrow, as the sixth event in the North American West Coast lecture tour, an English-interpreted Dharma Q&A session for local Americans will be held at Claremont McKenna College (CMC), located east of Los Angeles.
