Why Do My Superiors Think I’m Not Working Hard When I Am?

Sep 10, 2024 – Oceania Dharma Q&A Tour (6) Brisbane

Today is the sixth stop on Sunim’s Oceania lecture tour, with a Dharma Q&A for Korean expatriates in Brisbane.

After morning practice and meditation, Sunim had breakfast at the lodging at 5:30 AM. Members of the Perth Jungto Society who prepared for the lecture came to greet Sunim with three bows.

“Thank you all for your hard work in preparing for the lecture.”

After taking a commemorative photo together, they departed for Perth Airport.

After a 20-minute drive, they arrived at the airport. Sunim said farewell to the Perth Jungto Society members and headed to the gate.

“See you next time.”

While waiting at the gate, Sunim took care of some work before departing Perth Airport at 8 AM. After a 4-hour and 20-minute flight, they arrived at Brisbane Airport at 2:20 PM local time.

After retrieving luggage and going through immigration, they exited the airport to find Park Gaye and Brisbane Jungto Society members waiting to welcome Sunim.

“Welcome to Brisbane.”

After exchanging warm greetings and taking photos, they headed straight to the lodging.

After a 50-minute drive from the airport, they arrived at the lodging. Sunim had a late lunch and then took care of work while contacting Korea.

As the sun set, they departed for the lecture venue at 6 PM, arriving after a 30-minute drive.

Today’s lecture is being held at the Brisbane Technology and Exhibition Centre (BTP Central) in Queensland. While this space usually hosts various seminars, exhibitions, and trade shows in Brisbane, today it is hosting a Dharma Q&A for Korean expatriates.

As Sunim arrived at the venue, volunteers were warmly greeting attendees everywhere. Many young people came to the lecture hall.

At 7 PM, all 250 prepared seats were filled without any empty spaces. After the introductory video about Sunim finished, he appeared on stage to enthusiastic applause and cheers.

Sunim smiled and began his opening remarks.

“The topic I want to discuss with you all today is life itself. As we live, there are times when we wonder, ‘Am I living the right way?’ As we face various realities in this world, questions arise in our minds but we often have no one to ask. Also, as we live, there are times when we are gripped by suffering and anxiety. We want to escape this suffering but sometimes can’t find a way on our own. In the past, people mainly tried to resolve these issues through religious faith. However, marital conflicts are not easily resolved through faith alone. Nor are they resolved by immersing oneself in ideology. What’s really needed is dialogue. We can work through issues by acknowledging that others are different from us and trying to understand their perspective, thinking ‘From their position, I can see why they might feel that way.'”

How Can We Free Ourselves from Suffering?

Our mental processes are always characterized by self-centeredness. Even when we recognize we’ve done something wrong, we tend to look for reasons to justify why we had no choice but to act that way. It would seem quite despicable if others did this, but this is what we ourselves do. Just as living beings instinctively try to protect their physical bodies, our mental processes also unconsciously work to protect ourselves by making excuses. Even if we verbally say “I’m sorry,” in our hearts we’re looking for justifications like “I had no choice.” This is why communication problems often arise, especially with those closest to us. So when conflicts arise between spouses, even if it seems like they could be easily resolved through dialogue from an outsider’s perspective, in reality it’s not so simple.

So today, I want to have a dialogue about the various questions, pains, sufferings, anxieties, and fears you experience in your lives. Of course, there are no restrictions on topics. We can talk about anything – politics, society, economy, culture, science, etc. However, these topics become relevant for our discussion when they cause you distress, like when political issues trouble you or AI issues make you anxious.”

Next, Sunim began dialoguing with nine people who had submitted questions in advance. In the latter half of the lecture, eight more people asked questions on the spot and conversed with Sunim. Today, more questions than usual were received. Over the course of two hours, 17 people were able to ask Sunim questions.

The first questioner said that although they work hard at their job, their superiors point out that they work slowly, which is difficult. They asked for Sunim’s advice on how to handle this.

Why Do My Superiors Think I’m Not Working Hard When I Am?

“When I first started working, I was a bit slow because I wasn’t familiar with the work. But as time goes on, I think I’m getting faster and working harder than before, but my superiors don’t seem to think so, which worries me.”

“What do your superiors say to you? Do they say you work a bit slowly? If so, you can just reply, ‘I’m sorry. I’m getting faster little by little.’ What’s so difficult about that?”

“I do say that. In fact, I could just say that and move on in the moment, but I’m afraid my superiors will continue to view me negatively and I might face disadvantages. I could even lose my job.”

“If you work slowly, you should face disadvantages. If you work slowly, you’re doing less work than others, so it doesn’t make sense to say you shouldn’t face any disadvantages. If they give you disadvantages, you should accept them.”

“If I could acknowledge to myself, ‘I didn’t work hard, so this could happen,’ that would be fine. But in my mind, I am working hard. Even when others point things out, I think to myself, ‘Okay, I’ll work even harder,’ and I do work even harder.”

“We usually say someone who walks slowly and moves slowly is like a snail. But if you ask the snail, what do you think it would say? It would say it’s moving incredibly fast by its own standards. ‘Slow’ and ‘fast’ are not absolute, but relative. I’m relatively quicker at handling tasks compared to others. It might be good for you to spend some time with me. You’d be able to clearly realize how slow you are.

A few days ago during a lecture, there was a situation where people were raising their hands here and there to ask questions, and the volunteer who was supposed to pass the microphone seemed slow to me. I thought the volunteer should always be watching the lecture hall carefully and quickly go to hand the microphone to whoever raised their hand, but they didn’t even seem to notice where hands were being raised, and even when walking, they moved slowly. So I pointed out right there, ‘Why are you so slow like a snail?’ Later, after the lecture ended, we had a sharing session and that person said, ‘Even though you said I was like a snail in front of all those people, I was actually moving extremely fast.’ So I said, ‘It’s okay. I was just joking.’

Now, in your opinion, are your superiors familiar with the work or not?”

“They’re familiar with it.”

“Then, is a new employee familiar with the work or not?”

“They’re not familiar with it.”

“When someone familiar with the work uses themselves as a standard, will someone unfamiliar with the work seem fast or slow?”

“They’ll seem slow.”

“It’s natural for a new employee to be slow at handling tasks.”

“But it seems my superiors want me to work like them.”

“That’s natural. Do you think you wouldn’t be the same? Try managing people yourself. You’ll want them to work at your level. It’s natural to want others to work like you do. But if you insist that they must work like you, you’ll get angry or irritated with those who don’t. The cause of anger and irritation is not that others work slowly, but that you’re attached to the idea that they should work like you. So if you don’t want to get angry and irritated, you need to acknowledge and understand people who are slower than you. Then you won’t get angry. If a superior came to me and said, ‘We hired a new employee but they work so slowly it’s frustrating,’ I would answer like this. But telling you ‘It’s okay to work slowly’ wouldn’t be helpful to you at all.

So how should I advise you in your case? I should say, ‘You need to accept that even if you think you’re working quickly, it’s bound to seem slow to your superiors.’ You need to acknowledge that you have different standards from your superiors.

First, you need to accept that your superiors may think your work pace is slow. Second, you need to accept that it’s understandable for your superiors to get irritated. If you do this, you can remain at peace even when your superiors say something to you. Accept that ‘From my superior’s perspective, it’s understandable to get irritated,’ and say with a smile, ‘I’m sorry. I’m still not familiar with the work, so please bear with me.’ But you’re creating conflict because you’re reacting with thoughts like ‘I’m working quickly, so why are they saying I’m slow?’ or ‘They should try doing it themselves.’ On one hand, you’re afraid of losing your job, and on the other hand, you’re reacting negatively. Don’t grovel, don’t react negatively, just speak lightly.

‘I understand. I’m working hard in my own way, but I can see why my superiors might say that. I understand that I’m walking like a turtle now, so it might seem a bit frustrating to a rabbit. But I’ll become a rabbit someday too.’

Say this and work hard. Even if you still get fired, that’s just how it is. Because hiring and firing people is the authority of your superiors. It’s not something you can control, so there’s no need for you to be afraid of it.

When you accept that others might have their reasons and become at peace with it, jokes will naturally come out of your mouth. You’ll be able to handle situations with humor. At a dinner or drinking occasion, you could say to your department head, ‘I guess you’ve forgotten what it was like to be a tadpole, huh?’

‘Were you this good from the start, department head? You’re good because you have 20 years of experience. How could I be like you when I’ve been here less than a year? I know I’m not great, but please don’t set your expectations too high and give me a chance to get used to things.’

You need to have the composure to be able to say things like this. If they don’t give you a chance even after hearing you out, there’s nothing you can do. Don’t fear your superiors, and don’t hate them either. There’s no need to be servile. I hope you can gain some composure and confidence in your work life.

“Also, you might naturally be a slow-moving person. Among the members of our community, there are some who move slowly. Sometimes when I talk to them, they say, ‘I’m moving very fast these days.’ At first, I thought it was nonsense, but now I understand. We consider them slow because we’re judging from our own standards. They say they’ve become faster because they feel they’ve improved compared to before. Similarly, you should reconsider your perspective on speed. Don’t be too afraid.”

“Thank you. I understand.”

The next questioner also asked about difficulties in work life. They mentioned that all their coworkers are Australian, and being among people who speak English well causes them stress. They asked how to make their work life more comfortable.

How Can I Overcome Workplace Difficulties Due to Poor English Skills?

“Yes, I consider myself Australian. But while I’m very comfortable and can express myself freely when using Korean, it’s not the same with English.”

“So, you’re Australian but just not very fluent in the language. Most people are immigrants, so except for the indigenous people, there’s hardly anyone who can be called originally Australian. You should approach it like this: ‘We’re all Australian, including me, but I’m a bit intimidated because my English isn’t very good.’ This way, you won’t be constrained by racial or ethnic issues.”

“When I use English, I become very timid and tense. What should I do?”

“You feel intimidated because you’re trying to speak English well when you’re not proficient. Others speak English well because they were born and raised in Australia or have been immigrants for a long time. It’s natural for you to be less skilled if you haven’t been in Australia for long. If someone points out that your English is poor, just admit it by saying, ‘I’m still not very good because I didn’t learn it from a young age.’ You should accept that there might be some disadvantages due to your limited English skills.”

“I see. Thank you.”

The questions continued.

I want to change my quick-tempered nature. I tend to express uncomfortable emotions strongly, especially to friends and colleagues.

Is there any advice you’d like to give about meeting people and building relationships?

I’m worried about how to reconcile with my boyfriend after a fight. I tend to close off and think, but my boyfriend finds the silence too frustrating.

I miss my parents and friends in Korea. How can I alleviate this longing?

After divorcing a Korean man, I married a foreign man and have been living with him. After 11 years of marriage, my husband is becoming more sensitive and nags the children a lot, which worries me.

I dream every single day. I’m too tired and want to meditate, but I can’t concentrate. How can I become more relaxed?

If I don’t want to meet a close connection in the next life, should I cut ties now or resolve the karmic debt?

I’m doing 108 bows, but my knees hurt a lot. What should I do?

I tend to be quite negative. How can I raise my child happily?

My mother is very upset about my sister’s irresponsible boyfriend as she’s about to get married. How can I comfort her?

I’ve grown distant from my mother, seeing her as immature and selfish, to the point where I don’t even want to call her. But how should I deal with the lingering guilt?

An employee who has worked for 10 years is retiring, but Australia doesn’t have a retirement pension system. I’m wondering if I should provide a retirement bonus.

While walking with a friend, we heard a racist comment. At a reunion, I felt bad after being told I’d “aged a lot.” How should I respond in these situations?

After answering all the questions, Sunim gave his closing remarks.

“Many people say it’s difficult to live in Australia, but who asked you to come to Australia? (Laughs)

Since you made the decision to come here yourself, you shouldn’t criticize Australians. If you no longer want to live here or if problems arise, quietly return to Korea. Also, don’t be too greedy while living in Australia. If you want to live desperately, go back to Korea. If you came to Australia thinking, ‘Living desperately is problematic. It’s better to live with some leisure,’ then live a relaxed life with your family. If you’re greedy and trying to make a lot of money in a place like this, you’d be better off living in Korea. It’s no different from someone who climbs to the top of Mount Seorak, only to turn on a loud radio strapped to their side. Why come all the way to Mount Seorak and play music without considering others? In my view, that’s unpleasant.

Countries like Australia have good social welfare systems, which means you have to bear a significant tax burden. This might feel burdensome when you’re young. But as you get older, it all comes back to you in the form of social benefits, so it’s fine. While it might be boring and not very exciting to live here when you’re young, it gets better as you age. If you came to Australia to live a relaxed life, you’ve made a good choice. If you want to achieve something quickly, it’s better to go back to Korea. Being able to be content with your current reality at any time makes life more comfortable and happier.”

By the time the conversation ended, it was well past 9 PM. Sunim immediately held a book signing session on stage. Many people lined up to receive Sunim’s signature and express their gratitude.

After the book signing, Sunim took a commemorative photo with the volunteers who prepared the lecture.

“Brisbane!”

After all the audience members left the lecture hall, Sunim spent time greeting the volunteers.

One by one, they took the microphone and briefly introduced themselves. After each introduction, everyone applauded enthusiastically. Their names, ages, occupations, and years lived in Australia were all different. Everyone expressed their joy, saying they had always been grateful for Sunim’s teachings and were glad to be able to give back through volunteering today. Finally, Sunim gave his closing remarks.

“I will prepare a place in advance so that you can use your professional skills for the benefit of humanity after retirement. It would be even better if you retire early. After retirement, don’t be greedy again, but consider dedicating some of your energy to the Earth, humanity, and the natural environment. I hope you live happily during your lifetime and become someone who actively contributes where needed. Thank you.”

The volunteers took down the banners and cleaned up the lecture hall.

Sunim greeted the volunteers and departed for his accommodation. It was past 10 PM when he arrived at the lodging.

Today marked the successful completion of the lecture tour in six Oceania cities. From 11 PM, Sunim spent an hour sharing thoughts with the staff who had accompanied him throughout the six-day journey, concluding the Oceania lecture tour.

Tomorrow, we will depart from Brisbane Airport in the morning and travel all day by plane to East Timor. In the evening, we are scheduled to meet Eugenio Lemos, who founded PERMATIL (Permaculture Timor-Leste) to create a sustainable agricultural system and won the 2023 Ramon Magsaysay Award.