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Home A Day in the Life of Sunim

Why Does My Heart Still Suffer Even Though My Mind Understands the Logic?

May 19, 2025
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May 17, 2025 – Farming, Dharma Q&A with Jungto Dharma School Students

Hello everyone. Today, Sunim worked on the farm at Dubuk Jungto Retreat Center and held an online Dharma Q&A session with Jungto Dharma School students.



The mountains have turned a deep green, and the farming season has begun in earnest across the fields. Water fills the rice paddies, and tractors work tirelessly, plowing the land in preparation for rice planting. In the vegetable fields, busy hands have been transplanting seedlings since early morning.



After completing his morning practice and meditation, Sunim took a walk around the farm. Thanks to about 160 volunteers who came last week to pull weeds, the area around the greenhouses looked much tidier and cleaner.



For the rice farming, it was time for harrowing. Upon hearing that Dharma Teacher Myodang and the trainees were leveling the paddy fields with a tractor, Sunim headed to the rice fields.



Although the land had already been leveled once with the tractor, a village elder advised that the field still wasn’t even enough and recommended harrowing once more. Before harrowing, the field needed to be filled with plenty of water. Due to village circumstances yesterday, water only started flowing in today. The drainage ditches were widened to improve water flow.



The trainees manually leveled the edges of the rice field where the tractor couldn’t reach, while Dharma Teacher Myodang drove the tractor back into the field.

“Thank you all for your hard work. I’ve brought some snacks, so please help yourselves while working.”



After warmly encouraging Dharma Teacher Myodang and the trainees, Sunim returned to the retreat center. He then visited the field where wild ginseng had been planted a week ago.

“I wonder if any sprouts have appeared? Let’s take a look.”



Though no sprouts were visible from a distance, upon closer inspection, delicate light green shoots were cautiously emerging.



Recently, Mr. Jung Sung-hun, the director of DMZ Peace and Life Garden, suggested that growing wild ginseng would be beneficial for environmental conservation, so Sunim began experimental cultivation. Wild ginseng is known for its high carbon absorption and excellent fine dust reduction properties.

“Let’s experiment here first and gradually expand the cultivation area.”



Next, Sunim visited the field at the foot of the mountain. Peanuts were neatly planted in rows on the soft soil.



Moving on to another field below the mountain, Sunim found sweet potato vines growing densely, quietly breathing in the morning sunlight.



Sunim gathered a shovel and a sack and began digging up grass around the field. There were patches of dead grass in the yard that needed to be replaced. He cut the grass into squares with the shovel, dug it up with the roots intact, and placed it in the sack.

“This should be enough.”



Carrying the sack of grass, Sunim headed to the yard. He dug up the areas where the grass had died and transplanted the newly dug grass one by one. Dharma Teacher Hyangjeon, standing nearby, asked with concern:



“What if the grass dies again because there’s not enough soil?”

Sunim smiled and replied:

“Grass grows well even if all the soil falls away and only the roots remain. It has such strong vitality.”



After planting the grass, he evenly covered it with soil and firmly pressed it down with his feet.



“How much would this much grass cost if we bought it at the market?”

“Probably about 10,000 won ($7.2) worth.”

“Then I’ve earned 10,000 won ($7.2) today.” (laughs)

After thoroughly watering the newly planted grass, Sunim took pruning shears and began trimming tree branches. He neatly trimmed the protruding branches.





Concerned that the persimmon tree was growing too densely and might obstruct cars or people passing by, Sunim pruned its branches with the shears.



After finishing the pruning, sunlight penetrated deeply through the branches.



In the flower bed, various flowers were blooming to welcome spring. Sunim couldn’t hide his joy as he gazed at the petals.

“Look at the peony blossoms. Aren’t the colors beautiful?”



The peonies were fully open, their abundant petals soaking up the sunshine.

“This is a rugosa rose. Isn’t the color lovely?”



The rugosa roses swayed gently in the breeze, spreading their subtle fragrance, while the roses displayed their elegant form in deep red, adorning the quiet spring day.

“The roses are blooming abundantly too.”





A flower with a somewhat unique shape caught their attention. When a trainee asked its name, Sunim said:

“This is a honeysuckle flower.”



The pale pink honeysuckle flowers hung affectionately at the ends of branches, adding a simple beauty to the spring landscape.



Meanwhile, the Bodhi tree that Sunim had brought from India and was nurturing looked somewhat withered after winter.

“Since I couldn’t water it for quite some time while on the India pilgrimage this winter, many branches have dried up and died.”



After planting grass, pruning branches, removing weeds, and enjoying the flowers, lunchtime arrived before Sunim realized it.

“I thought it would be cool today since it rained yesterday, but now that the sun is out, it’s quite hot.”

Sunim dried his sweat-soaked work clothes in the sun before having lunch.





After finishing his meal, at 2 PM, Sunim held an online Dharma Q&A session with Jungto Dharma School students from the broadcasting room at Dubuk Jungto Retreat Center. The center was bustling with activity as the “Sharing & Emptying Yard Sale” was taking place. Volunteer recruitment for the Weekend Farmers program was also in full swing.



As Sunim took his seat in front of the camera, he recited the Three Refuges and Words for Practice before beginning the Dharma Q&A. This semester’s Jungto Dharma School is being conducted alongside the 100-Day Dharma Talk, with approximately 2,000 students divided into three groups: in-person, live broadcast, and basic classes. Today’s session was dedicated to addressing questions that had arisen during the course.



After listening to reflections from three students, everyone together requested Sunim’s teaching with three bows. Sunim began with a warm greeting.



“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you all from the broadcasting room at Dubuk Retreat Center. During the COVID-19 pandemic, I conducted online Dharma talks from here for three years, but lately I’ve been residing at the Seoul Jungto Social and Cultural Center for the 100-Day Dharma Talk. Today was scheduled for 1,080 prostrations at the center, but I’ve developed a problem with my knee cartilage and can’t do prostrations for the time being. My afternoon appointments were also canceled, so I came down to Dubuk Retreat Center last night. This allowed me to do some farm work this morning. Now I’m meeting you here in the broadcasting room after doing physical labor in nature.”

Following this, eight people raised their hands to ask Sunim questions. One person mentioned having difficulty understanding the Buddhist concept of “non-self” and asked Sunim whether the soul truly exists.



Buddhism says there is no ‘self,’ so what is the soul?

“I’ve somewhat understood Buddhist theory from this Jungto Dharma School course, but I’m struggling to grasp the concept of non-self—the idea that there is nothing that can be called ‘I.’ If there is no self, does that mean there is no soul either? Perhaps because I attended Catholic church for many years when I was young, I’ve always thought that people consist of soul and body, and naturally believed the soul is the entity of ‘me.’ I recall your lecture mentioning that neither H nor O in H2O possesses the properties of water. Does this mean that after death, a person simply dissolves into the four elements (earth, water, fire, and air) as Buddhism typically describes?”

“Why don’t you research that after you die? What’s the point of discussing this among the living? You’ll get a definitive answer when you discuss it with other deceased people.



The belief that a soul exists is just a thought, and the belief that a soul doesn’t exist is also just a thought. Believing in God is a matter of faith, and believing there is no God is also a matter of faith. Some might think that only ‘God exists’ is a belief, but ‘God doesn’t exist’ is also a belief. Some people believe God exists, while others believe God doesn’t exist. This is a matter of individual thought and belief, not objective fact. Therefore, we shouldn’t take issue with someone believing in God or not believing in God. We should simply observe, ‘That person believes God exists’ or ‘That person believes God doesn’t exist.'”

“But I feel like there must be at least some existence of self. How should I understand non-self?”

“The feeling that there must be some existence of self is just your thought.”



“I don’t understand the concept of non-self. If there is no self, I keep wondering, ‘What am I?'”

“A car is assembled from about 20,000 parts according to a blueprint. When each part exists separately, it doesn’t possess properties like movement, light, or sound. However, when assembled, a third property emerges as a whole. If you disassemble the car, you won’t find characteristics like movement, light, or sound in any individual part. The car’s properties only appear in its assembled state. This is the law of dependent origination. Yet we tend to think that when a car moves, that function must exist somewhere within the car. The same applies to the existence of ‘self.’  The ‘I’ that exists here and now is an assembly of various elements working together. 

When this assembly is disassembled, that function disappears. Because we don’t fully understand this principle, we think there must be a fixed entity called ‘self’ somewhere. But upon careful analysis, we can see that the functioning characteristics don’t exist in individual components. The existence of ‘self’ is neither located somewhere in the body, nor does it exist separately and then combine during assembly, nor does it go somewhere when disassembled. It’s merely a third property that appears only when assembled.

In the past, people didn’t understand this principle well and thought that ‘self’ existed separately, but upon analysis, there is actually nothing that can be called ‘self.’ This doesn’t mean that the existence called ‘self’ isn’t functioning. ‘I’ is functioning like this right now, but it doesn’t mean it’s some kind of entity.”



“Then is the concept of Buddha-nature (佛性) also an incorrect concept?”

“That can be seen as a misunderstanding of terminology. Many people live in suffering, but humans are not destined to live in suffering. Suffering arises when mental processes become problematic and function negatively. Anyone can live without suffering if they let go of these negative perspectives. Buddha refers to one without suffering, and the state without suffering is called nirvana. One who has attained nirvana is called a Buddha. Anyone can live without suffering, and anyone can become a Buddha. The statement ‘everyone can become a Buddha’ means that all people have the nature to become a Buddha. This nature is called Buddha-nature. However, if we say there is such a Buddha-nature, it can be misunderstood as an individual entity existing within the body, like the Brahmanical concept of ‘Atman.’ But Buddha-nature is conceptually different from Atman. It should be understood as ‘everyone has the quality to become a Buddha.'”

“Yes, I understand now.”

The questions continued. One of the questioners who pressed the raise-hand button asked for Sunim’s advice, saying that while intellectually understanding Sunim’s teachings, his heart still remained troubled.



Why does my heart still suffer even though I intellectually understand the principles?

“I had set my mind on something and was preparing diligently for it. However, I failed to achieve my goal and received results that fell short of expectations. Since I’ve already tried multiple times, I don’t think I can attempt it again, so I’m planning to  go to school with the given results. I think my problem is that I can’t gratefully accept this hard-earned opportunity and instead feel dissatisfied. I understand that my suffering comes from wanting something beyond my capabilities. But I’m curious about how to actually let go of attachment and greed. I intellectually understand when you say ‘accepting brings an end to suffering,’ but my heart can’t accept it, and I’m still suffering.”

“If your heart can’t accept it, then you suffer. There’s no other way. If you don’t want to suffer, let it go, and if you can’t let it go, then you suffer.”

“In my head I think, ‘I should accept this!’ but my heart doesn’t accept it.”



“In your head you’re thinking, ‘I should accept this!’ but your heart still doesn’t want to accept it. The two are operating separately. Sometimes they work together, but mostly they don’t, which is why you’re bound to suffer.

The desire to eat delicious food and the thought that you shouldn’t buy it because it’s expensive are separate things. The desire to eat remains, but you’ve made the judgment not to eat because of the cost. So you have one choice. If you really want to eat it, you should buy it despite the cost, and if you think the money is too precious, you shouldn’t eat it despite wanting to. If you can’t let go of either, you suffer. In the end, your stomach isn’t full, and your mind is troubled. Similarly, thinking ‘I should get up!’ while lying down is separate from not wanting to get up. When these two are in conflict, you can neither sleep nor get up. If you unify them into one, it becomes simple. If you want to sleep, just sleep.

Then you won’t get up, but at least you’ll sleep. Or you can just jump up. Then you won’t sleep, but at least you’ll get up. But most people just think ‘I should get up!’ while continuing to lie down. In the end, they neither sleep nor get up, which is a loss. If you sleep because you want to sleep, you’ll face the consequence of being late for work and getting scolded. If you don’t want that, you must get up even if you don’t want to.

At such times, asking ‘How do I get up when I don’t want to?’ is not appropriate. If you don’t want to get up but need to, you just jump up. You don’t ask ‘How?’ You just get up. When you’re holding something hot, if you still want to hold it, keep holding it despite the heat. Then you’ll face the consequence of burning your hand. If you don’t want to burn your hand, let go of the hot object. But you ask, ‘How do I let go?’ Is it really because you don’t know how? No. The truth is you don’t want to let go. Asking ‘How do I let go of attachment?’ actually means you don’t want to let go. If you don’t want to let go, then face the consequences.”

“Thank you. I understand now.”



At 4 PM, the lecture concluded. The students gathered in groups to continue their mindful sharing.
Leaving the broadcasting room, Sunim headed straight to the garden. As the sun began to set behind the western mountains, the sunlight gradually diminished. Sunim changed into work clothes and returned to farming.



“Let’s harvest some vegetables to take to Seoul tomorrow.”

First, Sunim began organizing the lush cilantro patch. He carefully explained the work method to the practitioners working alongside him.



“Thin out the ones growing too densely, and leave those that have already sprouted flower stalks. Let them bloom.”

The cilantro field was already adorned with delicate white flowers. Without pausing his cutting, Sunim carefully thinned out the densely grown cilantro. The distinctive strong aroma from the freshly cut cilantro rose into the evening air, infusing it with fragrance.





Next, Sunim moved to the lettuce patch. Green and purple lettuce varieties were vigorously growing toward the sky, each displaying its own color.



Sunim carefully examined each lettuce leaf and picked them with caution.







“Some lettuce plants are already wilting because insects have eaten their roots.”

The harvested lettuce was sorted by variety and placed in plastic bags. After harvesting all the cilantro and lettuce, they had filled six bags.

“Let’s take these to Seoul so guests and community members can taste a little bit.”



The hackberry tree at Dubuk Retreat Center was more lush than ever, completely filled with green leaves.

Dharma Teacher Hwagwang, who has lived here for 25 years, looked at the hackberry tree and said:

“I’ve been observing this tree for the past 25 years, and it’s never been more lush than it is now.”



By the time the farming work was finished, the sun had completely set.



In the evening, Sunim came indoors to take care of some simple tasks before retiring early.



Tomorrow will be the 91st day of the 100-Day Dharma Talk. Sunim will depart from Dubuk Retreat Center at 4:30 AM to travel to Seoul, where he will guide a meditation retreat in the morning and spend the afternoon encouraging and conversing with volunteers who have been serving in various capacities throughout this 100-Day Dharma Talk period.

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