Apr 16, 2025 – Day 59 of 100-Day Dharma Talk Day, Weekly Dharma Assembly
Hello. Today is the 59th day of Venerable Pomnyun Sunim’s 100-Day Dharma Talk. Today, Jungto Society members are gathering for their Weekly Dharma Assembly to examine their practice.
After a few days of unexpected cold that made bodies shiver, the warm spring sunshine has returned this morning, gently embracing everything.
After completing his morning practice and meditation, Sunim headed to the Jungto Social and Cultural Center for the Weekly Dharma Assembly.
At 10:15 AM, with about 140 people gathered in the third-floor Dharma hall, the Weekly Dharma Assembly began with the recitation of the Three Refuges and the Heart Sutra. Jungto Society members from across the country also participated online.
First, they watched a video showing the activities of Jungto practitioners over the past week. The main temples across the country had been busy installing lanterns and holding lighting ceremonies in preparation for Buddha’s Birthday.
The assembly members requested Sunim’s teaching with three full bows. Sunim expressed his gratitude to the Jungto Society members who prepared lanterns and lighting ceremonies around the world before beginning the dialogue.
“I would like to express my gratitude to all the volunteers who installed lanterns and prepared lighting ceremonies at the Jungto Social and Cultural Center and main temples nationwide over the past week.
Today, the world is in turmoil as the existing global order collapses due to US-China power competition and American tariff policies. Amid this chaos, Russia and Ukraine continue fierce fighting to gain advantageous positions in ceasefire negotiations, resulting in countless innocent casualties. In South Sudan, over two years of civil war has claimed more than 28,000 lives and created over 15 million refugees. Approximately 30 million people are exposed to hunger and disease, requiring urgent humanitarian aid. In Myanmar, a magnitude 7.7 earthquake struck during the civil war, causing severe damage. Thus, tens of millions of innocent people are suffering due to the self-centered interests of a few leaders and nations.
Why We Must Gather Even Small Contributions for Those Who Suffer
We must offer whatever help we can to alleviate the suffering of those in pain. We should provide food where there is hunger, water where there is none, at least temporary shelter for the homeless, and medicine for the sick. Even if we cannot all participate directly in relief efforts, at minimum we can pray and gather small contributions. This is the way to practice the Buddha’s compassion.
Buddha’s Birthday celebrations should not be limited to Buddhist followers alone. We light lanterns to extend compassionate hands to those suffering in darkness around the world, so they too can share in the joy. That’s why at Jungto Society, all your donations are used to help those in need. Just as non-Christians might contribute to the Salvation Army charity pot during Christmas, non-Buddhists also light lanterns on Buddha’s Birthday. I hope you will actively participate by encouraging friends and acquaintances to light lanterns and ensure these donations are well used to help those in need worldwide.”
Sunim then spoke about the unexpected cold weather in April and discussed the mindset practitioners should maintain in this era of climate crisis before taking questions from members.
Two people asked questions online. One sought Sunim’s advice on what to say to her husband who gets angry and her child who is anxious around him.
My Husband Gets Angry, My Child Is Anxious, What Should I Do in the Middle?
“When your husband gets angry and becomes frightening, is there anyone who doesn’t behave this way? When angry, some people even hit their spouses, children, or parents. Most people who are normally fine do crazy things when angry. So I wouldn’t say your husband is particularly unusual.
Being angry is a kind of madness. In that moment, a person is so consumed that they can’t see anything else. That’s why they say you shouldn’t engage with an angry person. They’re acting crazy. There’s no point in trying to have a conversation with someone in that state because nothing will be resolved. It’s better to wait until they calm down and return to their senses before talking.
When your husband is angry, confronting him will only escalate his anger, so it’s better to leave him alone. However, if the situation might worsen, you need to respond more actively. What’s the best active response? The most effective approach would be for you to embrace your husband tightly and say, ‘Honey, I love you.’ This is especially effective for calming an angry person. Saying things like ‘How could you treat our child that way?’ won’t work when he’s agitated. An angry person’s nerves are on edge, so stabilizing those nerves must come first. You need to use a kind of mental sedative – embracing him tightly, kissing him even while he’s cursing, or telling him you love him. If you tell him not to be angry or criticize his behavior toward your child, you’ll only provoke his temper further.
Another good method is changing the subject of conversation. This is a major characteristic of the Buddha’s conversational style – shifting the flow of dialogue. Once when the Buddha went begging for food, a homeowner angrily said, ‘Why are you begging for food when you have a healthy body?’ If the Buddha had argued back with ‘When did I ask for food? Can’t I even stand in front of your house?’ it would have escalated the argument. Instead, the Buddha completely changed the subject, asking, ‘Do you sometimes have guests visit your home?’ and ‘Do these guests bring gifts?’ By shifting the topic, the homeowner’s anger gradually subsided as his thoughts moved to a different subject.
You should try changing the subject when your husband is angry. Saying ‘Honey, please calm down’ is still following the same topic. Questioning ‘Why are you angry?’ is like pouring oil on fire. Even saying ‘Please calm down’ follows the same subject. Changing the subject means diverting his attention to something completely unrelated but pleasant, like saying ‘Honey, I love you!’ But right now, you’re following the conflict topic by asking what you should do. You shouldn’t follow the conflict topic in such situations.
Of course, if you think, ‘How can I embrace him and say I love him when his behavior makes me sick?’ then it’s best to pretend not to notice. Or just close the door and leave. Don’t interfere with what happens between the father and child; go outside and come back later. When you return, the fight will be over. The best approach is to actively embrace him, but if that’s not possible, the next best thing is to ignore the situation and avoid it.
Trying to convince someone to admit their mistake doesn’t work well in family relationships. If I were to tell your husband through a Dharma Q&A, ‘When you get angry and scold your child, it can cause psychological damage to the child and harm yourself as well,’ there might be a slight chance he would be persuaded. Even if he doesn’t listen well to me, there’s a possibility because I’m a third party. But he will absolutely not listen if his wife says it. If he admits he was wrong, he’ll feel diminished in front of his wife from then on. People are less likely to concede in close relationships because once they bow their heads, they feel they can never raise them again, so they refuse to do so.
If you come home after listening to my Dharma talk and say, ‘Honey, you should listen to Sunim’s Dharma talk,’ your intention is for him to come to his senses after hearing it. Ultimately, you want to hear him say, ‘I was wrong.’ With such an intention, your husband will be even less likely to listen to you. Instead of forcing him, send him a video of the Dharma talk, or better yet, have someone else send it. Or discreetly place one of my books on his desk or in his car. Find an unobtrusive way for him to see my Dharma talks. Then he might secretly glance at them and put them aside. That’s human psychology.
Confrontation is not a good approach. First, everyone behaves this way when angry. You might think your husband is particularly crazy, but everyone becomes crazy when angry. So your husband doesn’t have a special problem. You need to understand that everyone is like that when angry. There are two ways to deal with someone who’s crazy with anger. The active method is to embrace them, tell them you love them, and avoid discussing the topic that made them angry. If you’re not capable of doing that, then you should leave the scene. The more you discuss the topic at the scene, the more serious the situation becomes.
For anyone to improve their problematic behavior, they must first become aware of it. Improvement only happens when someone recognizes their own problem. If others point out our problems, we might seem to improve temporarily, but we don’t completely change because we don’t truly accept it in our hearts. Without self-awareness, change rarely occurs. That’s why insubordination is most severe in the military, despite its strict organizational structure. It’s due to the nature of power. People obey those with power, but when that power disappears, they try to rise up. This happens because their psychology has been suppressed. Similarly, when children are raised under authoritarian conditions, their suppressed psychology strengthens their resistance over time.
This problem is difficult for you to solve. It’s wiser not to problematize your husband but instead embrace him or help calm him down. Rather than trying to fix him, help him develop self-awareness by connecting him with opportunities like the ‘Awakening Retreat’ or Dharma Q&A sessions.
And it’s best not to say anything to your child. If you try to comfort them by saying, ‘Your father has a bad temper, so try to understand him,’ you’re making the child think their father is a bad person. On the other hand, the child might think that mom isn’t taking their side but is siding with dad. So it’s best not to mention the issue if possible. Just comfort your child: ‘Was that hard? Let’s go eat something.’ This kind of comfort is good. Saying things like ‘There’s a reason why dad acts that way. He does it because he loves you’ isn’t very helpful. There’s no need to explain in such situations. You shouldn’t defend either your husband or your child. See their conflict as their own issue. You can say, ‘Mom still loves you,’ but don’t get involved in the incident by taking sides. I hope you’ll approach your husband and child with this perspective.”
“Thank you. I understand.”
Next, a foreign Jungto Society member from the United States also asked a question. As Sunim answered the questions, it became time to conclude the assembly. They agreed to continue their conversation at next week’s Weekly Dharma Assembly and ended at noon.
After leaving the third-floor Dharma hall, Sunim went to the basement dining hall to have lunch with the assembly.
Meanwhile, during lunch hour, all members of the community branch went out to the streets to promote the Dharma Q&A. They distributed paper lanterns they had made themselves along with flyers to citizens crossing the Seocho-dong intersection and crosswalks. In the spring air, they moved throughout the streets, making eye contact with passing citizens.
After finishing lunch, Sunim spent the entire afternoon working in his office.
As the sun set, the evening Weekly Dharma Assembly was broadcast live starting at 7:30 PM. About 100 people gathered in the third-floor Dharma hall, while Jungto Society members connected to the online meeting room. They requested a Dharma talk from Sunim with three formal bows.
Like in the morning assembly, Sunim began his Dharma talk by discussing the sudden cold spell in April and what perspective practitioners should have in this era of climate crisis.
“Last week, spring was in full bloom with flowers proudly displaying their splendor. However, the sudden cold snap shocked the early blossoms and damaged field crops. Plants that have already sprouted, rooted, and grown are less susceptible to cold damage when temperatures drop. However, newly transplanted seedlings can suffer cold damage even at temperatures around 5 degrees Celsius. Crops damaged by cold can have their growth virtually halted for about a month. Particularly, bees that prepared early for spring in the warm weather can be harmed by cold snaps, which also affects flower pollination.
Such weather anomalies have always existed. Fifty-eight years ago, when I was in the third year of middle school, there was sleet on Arbor Day morning when we were about to go plant trees. So weather anomalies existed back then too. However, these weather anomalies now occur more frequently and with greater intensity. On Sunday morning, there were even strong gusts of wind that blew away greenhouses. 
A Practitioner’s Attitude Toward the Climate Crisis
To prevent or slow down the climate crisis, we need to reduce our consumption. However, from my perspective, reducing consumption seems practically impossible, and it’s clear that consumption will continue to increase. Yet, even though we know it’s difficult, we cannot simply ignore it. A practitioner is someone who chooses to go against the flow of the world. 
We usually set goals with success in mind. In contrast, our activities in response to the climate crisis are on a path that is clearly destined to fail. However, as practitioners, we take this path with a view toward the distant future. Looking far ahead gives us hope. The Buddha said, ‘Practice diligently, like water drops piercing a rock.’ Most people are nearsighted in their pursuit of immediate benefits, experiencing emotional ups and downs based on success or failure. But when you look a little further, a little more broadly, you neither rejoice at a single success nor despair at a single failure. If this is the right path, you simply follow it calmly. This is the practitioner’s way.”
Sunim then engaged in conversations with people who had submitted questions in advance. Two people asked questions online, and three asked questions in person. One person sought Sunim’s advice on how to overcome feelings of burden while juggling caring for their mother, working, and participating in Jungto Society activities.
I Feel Burdened by Caring for My Mother, Working, and Participating in Jungto Society Activities
“You’re busy with work, caring for your mother, and Jungto Society activities. However, you should never let go of your practice regardless of the situation. This means you should never skip your morning prayers. What do you think would happen if you skipped prayer to do other things? As you mentioned, you would become even more exhausted. You would neglect both your family life and caring for your mother, and your work and Jungto activities would become more difficult. At first glance, practice might seem like the first thing to give up, but that’s not the case. The more difficult things get, the more you should hold onto your practice. That’s what makes you a practitioner. 
When you don’t let go of your practice, you can manage your family life, work, and caring for your mother. Practice should be pursued more actively especially when things are difficult. However, most people tend to abandon practice first when they’re busy or struggling, thinking, ‘I’ll practice when I have time.’ The more difficult times are, the more you need to practice and focus to live as the master of your own life. It’s best to always participate in morning practice and Weekly Dharma Assemblies. As for roles like Group Facilitator or leading member, you can express your intention to step down if family matters are too demanding or if your situation like yours persists.
A practitioner’s priority is to be self-reliant in their own life. All Jungto Society members are active based on the spirit of helping others with the time they have left after becoming self-reliant. This is how each of you becomes a piece of the mosaic Buddha in Jungto Society activities. However, if your situation while participating in Jungto Society activities leaves you with no time to care for yourself and your family, and you can’t properly maintain your job, then caring for yourself and your family also becomes one of the services that a Jungto Society member should perform. If your family is living well on their own but you care for them simply because they are your family, that could be considered attachment. 
However, if someone in your family is in such a difficult situation that they need care from others, then helping that family member is also part of Jungto Society’s work. Try your best, and if it’s still difficult, explain your situation to your group members and step down from the Group Facilitator role. But not attending the Weekly Dharma Assembly because you’re busy means letting go of your practice, which is not acceptable. If you truly cannot manage the Group Facilitator or leading member role, honestly explain this to your group members, get their consent to resign, and return when your family situation is resolved.
Also, if you think, ‘It’s a bit difficult now, but I’ll give it a try!’ then it’s not an impossible task. It’s actually a matter of mindset. Even when you’re suffering from physical pain, if a bomb were to drop nearby, you could run away swiftly as if you were never in pain—that’s the human mind. Similarly, most people’s difficulties are mental. If you keep retreating mentally, everything will seem increasingly impossible. But when you approach things with a positive attitude, you can accomplish most tasks. So try with a determined mind, and if it’s physically impossible, be honest with your fellow practitioners. 
For example, it’s not right to grit your teeth and bow if you’ve injured your leg. When your body aches because of an unwilling mind, gritting your teeth and persevering to the end is practice. However, if your knee joint is injured or your kneecap is broken, that’s a condition that needs protection, not training. So you need to objectively examine your condition. If it’s your mind that’s retreating, you should push through, but if it’s truly beyond your capacity, you can first step down from your leading member role and serve as a member whenever you have time. Then, after overcoming the difficult situation and gaining some leeway, you can return as a leading member.
First, gather your resolve and try again. Second, if you find it physically difficult, be honest with your fellow practitioners. There’s no need to feel ashamed about stepping down from service as if it were a dropout. We all engage in these activities to help each other and live beautifully in this world. Your happiness is included in these activities. If you think others can be happy while you remain unhappy, that’s not a practitioner’s perspective. It’s not a practitioner’s attitude to only care for yourself, but it’s also wrong to only care for others. The word ‘all’ should include yourself. 
So don’t feel too burdened; try it once, and if it’s really difficult, let your fellow practitioners know. If they object, saying it’s because of your retreating mind, then try again by saying, ‘Then I’ll try again!’ But if your fellow practitioners say, ‘We also see that it’s difficult. As important as Jungto Society activities are, it seems necessary to sort out your family matters first this time,’ then prioritize your family matters. 
The same applies to those living in the Jungto Society lay Sangha. Among those who have left home to live in the community, some have parents who are ill or families in difficult situations. If it’s a situation where we would help even a stranger, then we help according to the spirit of Jungto Society. Conversely, if we help someone just because they’re family, even though they don’t qualify for assistance, we’re entering into personal attachment. If a practitioner’s family member is starving or sick, they become someone who needs care. However, if there’s someone in the family who needs care, the ordained person doesn’t necessarily need to step in. But if there’s no one else who can provide care, then you should do it. You can either help with the community’s understanding, or if the situation doesn’t allow it, you can leave the community, care for your family, and return after completing your duty. In such cases, personal attachment should not be the criterion, but it’s not right to exclude someone just because they’re family. You and your family are included among all sentient beings. This is the perspective a practitioner should have.”
“Yes, thank you.”
After conversing with five people, it was time to conclude the Weekly Dharma Assembly. Participants shared their thoughts in groups and ended the assembly just before 10 PM.
Tomorrow will be the 60th day of the 100-Day Dharma Talk. In the morning, Sunim will give the 12th lecture on sutras in the third-floor Dharma hall of the Jungto Social and Cultural Center. In the afternoon, he will attend the birthday celebration for Venerable Bulsimdomun to pay his respects, and in the evening, he will give the 12th lecture of the Buddhist Social Studies Course in the basement auditorium.
