Mar 15, 2025 – Day 27 of the 100-Day Dharma Talk Day
Hello. Today and tomorrow, Sunim is visiting China to prepare for the Northeast Asian History Tour.
Sunim departed early in the morning from the Seoul Jungto Center for Incheon Airport. After arriving in China, he had a full day of activities before concluding his schedule. Since the “A Day in the Life of Sunim” team was unable to accompany him, we could not record his activities.
As there was no Dharma talk today, we will conclude with content from the Friday Dharma Q&A held on February 28 at the Jungto Social and Cultural Center.
I Was Defrauded by a Friend of Twenty Years
“Does your friend have assets that might make it possible to get your money back?”
“No, I can’t get it back. My friend has gone bankrupt.”
“Do you have evidence that you lent the money?”
“My friend and I each bought land, and my friend established a construction company. I kept investing money, but my friend was actually using that money to build a personal house. Eventually, I even took out bank loans, but with interest rates rising so high now, the house wasn’t completed, and fighting legally became mentally exhausting. My panic disorder and depression worsened, and eventually my husband, thinking he needed to save me, reached a partial settlement to end it. But that’s not all—there are other issues I’m responsible for because of this situation, and the amount is too large for me to handle. I also unintentionally caused harm to people who had paid deposits to live in the building. Not being able to return their deposits is my fault, and I wonder if it’s right for me to offer prayers of gratitude every morning.”
“What I’m asking is, it’s true that you lost money, but is there any possibility of getting it back?”
“I don’t think I can get it back.”
“If you can’t get it back but still suffer or hate others because of it, who ultimately loses?”
“I do.”
“What do we call someone who continues to harm themselves? We call them a fool. You are currently engaging in foolish behavior that harms yourself. If your suffering could somehow generate money or help you get it back, then it might be worth suffering. But you’re continuing to expend energy even though it doesn’t help solve the problem at all. Constantly recalling the fraud or using energy to hate that friend ultimately causes greater loss to yourself. If you can’t let it go, that could be considered an illness. If you continue to harm yourself without realizing it, that’s ignorance.
You need to realize today, right now after hearing this Dharma talk, ‘Ah, doing this won’t generate money or improve my relationship with my friend!’ At the moment you were defrauded, your friend caused you harm, but now you are causing harm to yourself. That’s foolish behavior. Now it’s up to you to decide whether to continue or stop this foolish behavior.”
“Yes, after hearing what you’ve said, I realize that whether I become a fool or not is ultimately my own decision.”
“There’s no other way. If there were a way to get your money back, you could pursue that. I’m not saying you should forgive your friend or give up the money because they’re your friend. If realistically there’s no other path, you have only three options: First, die in the suffering of being defrauded by a long-time friend; second, if you live, live in suffering; or third, live without suffering. Constantly regretting the past and thinking ‘If only I had done this or that back then’ doesn’t help at all. You can only choose how to live from your current situation. And among those choices, there are better paths and worse paths—right now, you’re choosing the worse path for yourself.
Regarding the housing deposit money that others lost, you need to consider this as well. If you think, ‘I suffered losses too, so I can’t repay those deposits,’ that’s not right. If you have assets, you should compensate those who lost their deposits. However, if you truly have no assets at all, there’s no need to feel guilty. Yes, you caused financial harm, but if you can honestly say ‘Take everything except my underwear’ because you have nothing, then it’s not a sin. Emotionally, not repaying debt might make you look like a bad person. But realistically, if there’s no way to repay, what can you do? Conversely, if you have money but don’t repay, that’s wrong.
Similarly, if your friend has no money, you need to let go of the idea of getting your money back. If you’ve given everything you have to those who lost their housing deposits and still couldn’t settle the debt, then there’s no need to feel guilty. From an ethical and moral perspective, you might feel guilty, but from a natural ecosystem perspective, it’s not a sin. If you have nothing to give, there’s nothing you can do.”
“Thank you. I think I’ve found my answer. I really don’t have any money at all.”
“You can even give them the clothes you’re wearing. When the victim comes to collect money, you can say, ‘I’m sorry I can’t repay all the money. Please take these clothes at least.’ If they refuse and throw the clothes back, you can pick them up and wear them again. This way, even the person who came to collect the debt has no further recourse. If you had money but refused to pay, that would be despicable, but if you truly have no money, what can you do? If you have a house, you could tell those who lost their deposits, ‘Come live in this house.’ And then say, ‘I’ll pay your deposit when I have money.’ You wouldn’t be lying.
The reason personal bankruptcy systems exist is because of the principle that you can’t endlessly harass someone who can’t repay their debts. Anyone can earn money or lose it in life. If you owe money to a bank and can’t repay it, they might garnish part of your salary if you have a job. But even banks can’t take your entire salary. In the past, they might have seized everything, but now, no matter how much debt you have, a minimum living allowance is guaranteed. For example, if your monthly salary is 3 million won, they might take 1.5 million won but leave the other 1.5 million won for you to live on. This is because human survival is most important. In other words, if you truly have no money, it’s not a sin. This doesn’t mean you should deliberately avoid repaying borrowed money. That’s just how the law is structured. Not being able to repay because you truly have no money is not a sin, but having money and not repaying is sinful.
The same applies when you’ve lent money to others. If they have no money now, regardless of how they spent it, there’s nothing you can do. You shouldn’t adopt an attitude of ‘I can’t repay you, so tough luck!’ when you have no money, but you also don’t need to feel excessive guilt.
And weren’t you in a situation where you invested hoping for a greater return, but failed? Since it was your investment that failed, you shouldn’t keep blaming your friend by saying, ‘I did it because my friend suggested it.’ Whatever the reason, the investment was your decision, and if the result was a failure, it’s your responsibility, so you need to let it go and move on.
For example, if the bank was offering 4% interest, but your friend promised 5%, and you invested based on that, it’s still a type of investment. When the interest rate is even slightly higher, there’s a corresponding risk. The way scammers deceive people is quite simple. Since everyone wants to gain a little more profit, they use that as bait. For instance, let’s assume the bank interest rate is 4% annually. But what if your friend says, ‘I guarantee 1% interest monthly’ and encourages you to invest? At first, you might hesitate, thinking, ‘Maybe I’ll just put in about 5 million won?’ You start that way, and when you see exactly 50,000 won in interest coming in every month, trust builds. If the money keeps coming in for one month, two months, three months, five months, you become increasingly confident. Then, thinking, ‘If I invest 50 million won, I’ll get 500,000 won every month!’ you end up investing all the money you have and don’t have. You might even recommend it to others, saying, ‘You should try it too!’ From the scammer’s perspective, once they feel the investor has brought in enough money from those around them, they suddenly stop paying interest. Then the investor stops receiving interest. In most cases, the interest received so far is less than one-tenth of the original investment amount.
The scammer hasn’t earned money by investing in some special place. They’re simply using money received from investors to pay interest to other investors, and then using new investors’ money to pay interest to existing investors, repeating this pattern. Such scams usually get exposed after about three to five years. The structure collapses when new investor money stops coming in. I’ve heard that on Wall Street in the US, there was a case where this method was maintained for 20 years. It can continue as long as new investments keep coming in. Because various methods like this exist, almost anyone could fall victim if someone approached them now. There are many techniques for deceiving people this way.
The problem is momentary self-interest. It’s exactly like fishing, where you bait the hook with something the fish likes. Since ancient times, people have been tempted by offering bribes to those who love money, using beautiful women to seduce those who love women, and offering positions to those who love honor. So you can’t say it’s solely your friend’s fault.
Let’s say you borrowed money from a bank because your business was struggling. If your business continues to deteriorate and you can no longer borrow from financial institutions, that’s when you must give up. If you’re in business, you should never cling to hope in such situations. You should absolutely not go beyond your personal capital and bank loans. Otherwise, you’ll end up harming others. In such situations, the only people you can turn to are family, siblings, and close friends. That’s why nine out of ten times, you won’t get your money back if you lend it to family, siblings, or close friends. It’s not because they’re bad people, but because they’re borrowing when they’ve already reached a point of no recovery. If you lend money in such situations, you shouldn’t expect to get it back.
In reality, there aren’t that many professional scammers around us who have bad intentions from the start. Most people who want to borrow money say, ‘I’m in urgent need right now, but I can repay soon.’ This is because people won’t lend money if they say, ‘It might take a long time.’ Statements like ‘I’ll pay back soon,’ ‘Just lend it to me for two days,’ ‘Just for one day,’ ‘I’ll repay in the evening what I borrowed in the morning’—you can consider these 100 percent lies. Especially when the borrowing period is short and the interest is high, the probability of not getting repaid increases. Saying ‘The money that was supposed to come in hasn’t arrived yet’ when borrowing is also usually a scam. Many times, it’s not deliberate fraud but genuine desperation.
However, there are also people who professionally scam using such excuses. Scams like voice phishing work by saying things like, ‘I’ve been wrongfully imprisoned,’ ‘I have money coming in from abroad but it’s held up at customs,’ ‘If the customs issue is resolved, tens of billions will come in, and I’ll give you a large commission if you help.’ Most of these statements are lies. But because we have an unconscious desire for profit, we momentarily become blind and miss rational judgment. You should just let go of the thought that you were scammed by your friend.”
“Yes, thank you.”
