Feb 13, 2025 – Moving from Paro, Bhutan to Delhi, India, Meeting with Korean Association Officials
Hello. Today is the day we wrap up our Bhutan tour and move to Delhi, India.
After his morning practice and meditation, Sunim had an early breakfast and departed for the airport.
“Since this is your first time in Bhutan, you should at least see the Tiger’s Nest Monastery from afar.”
Sunim guided the Haengja, who was visiting Bhutan for the first time, to the Tiger’s Nest Monastery near the airport. As it would take too long to climb up to the monastery, they paid their respects from the base of the mountain, looking up at it from a distance.
They then decided to visit Kyichu Lhakhang, said to be one of the oldest temples in Bhutan, located nearby.
Kyichu Lhakhang, located in the Paro region, is one of the oldest and most sacred Buddhist temples in Bhutan. It was built by Tibetan King Songtsen Gampo in the 7th century. According to legend, a powerful demoness was lying across Tibet and the Himalayan region, trying to prevent the spread of Buddhism. To subdue this demoness, King Songtsen Gampo built 108 temples across Tibet, Bhutan, and Nepal. Kyichu Lhakhang is said to be one of these temples.
After touring Kyichu Lhakhang, Sunim’s group headed to Paro Airport. After saying goodbye to the group, Sunim went into the airport. After completing the departure procedures, the plane took off at 11:50 AM and arrived at Delhi Airport in India at 2:30 PM after a two-hour flight.
Dharma Teacher Bogwang warmly welcomed Sunim at Delhi Airport. After moving to the accommodation and taking a short rest, Sunim left for the meeting location at 5 PM to have dinner with the officials of the Korean Association residing in Delhi.
Upon arrival at the meeting location, the Korean Association officials were gathered to greet Sunim. Sunim received introductions from each official of the Korean Association, including the newly appointed president, and introduced the group from Korea.
Among the Korean Association members was a church deacon. When the meal was ready, Sunim asked the deacon to say grace.
“Amen!”
Sunim and the officials shared a laugh after the prayer.
During the meal, Sunim shared stories about the Bhutan tour with the Korean Association officials, and they in turn shared stories about living in India and their activities in the Korean Association.
After the meal, Sunim gifted books to the Korean Association officials and presented prayer beads from Bodhgaya to those who had treated them to the meal.
By the time they returned to the accommodation, it was already 9:20 PM. Sunim prepared for bed, proofread his manuscript, and then retired for the night.
Tomorrow, Sunim is scheduled to give Dharma Q&A lectures for Indian university students at O.P. Jindal Global University and NIT (National Institutes of Technology).
As there was no Dharma talk today, we’ll conclude this post by sharing a conversation between Sunim and a questioner from last Friday’s live Dharma Q&A broadcast.
What Kind of Relationship Should I Have with My Son Who Went to Live with His Mother After Divorce?
“Your son repeatedly told you not to separate from his mother and to live together. But you ignored his words, divorced as you pleased, and now suddenly you’re calling and saying you love him – that’s nonsense, to put it bluntly. You don’t have the right to say such things. You’re pestering the child now. If it gets a bit more severe, it could become what we call stalking these days. If you really loved the child, you shouldn’t have divorced. If you divorced because of your temper or for your own benefit, you should know that you’ve wronged the child. You didn’t listen to what the child wanted most. Now, when the child says he doesn’t need you, you keep calling him, trying to buy him bread and meals, trying to give him secondary things. A parent should exist for the child’s needs, not the other way around. If you don’t correct your perspective on the child, you’re not qualified to be a parent.
Parents are there to help children grow well. If you seek out the child because you want to see him, that’s treating the child like a pet, not a person. Your perspective as a parent is wrong. And giving the child everything he asked for when he was young is also inadequate as a parent. If you raise a child by giving them everything they ask for, how will that child live in society in the future? When a child who has been given everything they wanted by their parents since childhood goes to school and finds that others don’t do the same, the child experiences tremendous stress. Now, even if you keep offering to do things for him, he says he doesn’t want it, but later when he needs something, he’ll call you. Why? Because you’re the person who does everything for him. That’s why it’s not good to raise a child by giving them everything they want. You should spend time with your children, taking walks, talking, playing together, but if you neglect your child all the time because of work and then now feel sorry and say, ‘Shall I buy you something delicious?’, ‘Shall I give you pocket money?’, ‘Shall I buy you a toy?’, in the child’s memory, the father becomes someone who gives him what he wants. He doesn’t feel grateful at all. What you’ve done for your child is the same as what you’d do for a dog. A dog only knows how to receive food, it doesn’t understand your love. This is your own problem.
If you continue to call the child unilaterally and seek meetings like this, your son will stop answering those calls in the future. So it’s better not to pester the child like that. If you’re lonely, find a girlfriend to meet, and say this to your son:
‘Call me when you need me. I’m willing to do anything with you if you need me. If you want to eat together, we’ll eat together, if you want to travel, we’ll travel together.’
However, when he says he needs money, you shouldn’t give it carelessly. You must always discuss such issues with the child’s mother in advance. Even if you don’t get along with her, as she’s the child’s mother, you need to discuss whether it’s okay to give money when the child says he needs it, or whether it’s okay to go on a trip together when the child asks. Even after divorce, actions towards the child should be within the range approved by the wife. If the parents can’t communicate with each other, when the child has a conflict with the mother, he’ll cling to the father, and when he has a conflict with the father, he’ll cling to the mother, manipulating the parents. This will ruin the child. If the mother has agreed to raise the child, leave the child’s support entirely to the mother, always ask the ex-wife first about actions regarding the child and only act within the allowed range, and if possible, it’s better not to talk directly to the child.
For example, you should ask the child’s mother like this:
‘I want to see our son today, have a meal, and buy him clothes. Is that okay?’
‘Yes, that’s fine.’
Then do that.
‘I want to buy bread for our son. Is that okay?’
‘He shouldn’t eat sweet things these days, so that’s not okay.’
‘I see. Understood.’
It’s better for the child’s future to get permission first and then meet like this. Even if the child speaks ill of his mother, you should say, ‘You shouldn’t talk like that. Your mother has gone through so much to raise you.’ If he asks, ‘If you liked Mom so much, why did you separate?’ you should answer, ‘Dad is sorry. It’s not that Mom had a problem, but Dad had a problem, so we ended up divorcing.’
It’s good for the child to see the parents supporting each other. Even if the wife criticizes you to the child, as long as she’s raising the child, it’s good to tell the child that Mom is a good person. Parents should have a perspective of supporting each other; if they only make excuses for themselves and compete over the child, it will ruin the child. Even after divorce, parents should help the child grow well, not ruin them.
From today, if you want to spend time with your child, or if the child calls you first and asks for help, you should discuss it with the child’s mother first. Even if the child’s mother refuses, don’t say things like, ‘I wanted to do it for you, but your mom said no.’ Instead, say something like, ‘Dad can’t help with that issue. But I can help with something else.’ In this way, parents should raise the child together without badmouthing each other. Because you’re divorced, you’re not a couple now, but you should always make decisions in consultation with the child’s mother. The child’s mother, who is raising the child, should be the center, and you should play a supporting role for the child to grow properly.”
“The cause for divorce was with my ex-spouse, and the child knows this fact. Nevertheless, I was very surprised when the child said he would live with his mother. Is it still right to speak supportively of my ex-spouse to the child?”
“Even if your wife was at fault for the divorce, the child wants his mom and dad to not separate and continue living together. Who is at fault for the divorce is an issue between you and your ex-wife, not the child’s issue. If your wife had an affair, it might be a cause for divorce from your perspective, but from the child’s perspective, it might not be. Why? Because it doesn’t interfere with her role as a mother. The child feels that there’s no problem because mom still cooks for him and does his laundry. What does it matter to the child who his mother slept with last night? It might be a cause for divorce from your perspective, but from the child’s perspective, there’s no particular problem. That’s why the child said he wished you wouldn’t divorce and would continue living together.”
“Should I stop calling my child or asking to have meals together, and step back and wait for him?”
“You shouldn’t expect that if you wait, you child will return to you. But you also shouldn’t say, ‘Okay, now you live on your own.’ You should think, ‘Right now, it’s better for my child if I wait for him.’ The thought that ‘If I wait, he will return later’ is your goal-oriented mindset. The very act of thinking ‘What means should I use to make the child open up to me?’ shows that you’re not qualified to be a father. It’s not important whether the child returns to you or not. You should be concerned about how you can help the child grow, even if just a little. If not meeting the child helps his growth, then don’t meet; if meeting the child often is good, then meet him even if it’s difficult. In this way, the parent’s goal should be focused on the child. The child should not become a means to achieve your goals. 
The phrase “I’m waiting for my child” implies an expectation like, “If I wait, will they contact me later?” You need to let go of such expectations completely. For now, since the child doesn’t want contact, it’s best to keep some distance. Try reducing the frequency of your calls and observe the child’s reaction. Of course, you can occasionally call or invite him for a meal. You don’t need to cut off all contact as if you’ve become enemies. However, don’t contact him more because you miss them, or completely stop seeing him. The point is to check occasionally, thinking, “Maybe my child needs this?” If you feel a void, you should consider meeting another woman or adopting another child, rather than trying to fill your emptiness and longing by clinging to a child who has closed their heart to you. That approach is misguided.”
“I understand. Thank you.”
“I realize I was only thinking about myself. It feels like Sunim has given me a sharp wake-up call with the whip of true Dharma. From now on, I will practice and live in a way that doesn’t just consider my own perspective. Thank you.”
