Jan 28, 2025 – Arriving at Sujata Academy
Today, Sunim arrived at Sujata Academy, held a meeting with the event organizers participating in the February 2nd event, and rested.
Sunim woke up on the Gaya-bound train and performed his morning practice and meditation. Soon after, the other members of the group began to wake up one by one.
“Good morning, Sunim. Did you sleep well?”
Sunim sat with the group on the train seats, chatting and having breakfast.
The train, originally scheduled to arrive at 9:10 AM, was delayed by two hours and arrived at Gaya station at 11:10 AM. As Sunim exited the bustling Gaya station, Mahendra, who works as a driver for JTS India, was waiting for him.
“Welcome, Sunim.”
Mahendra carried Sunim’s luggage through the crowded station and loaded it into the car.
Recently, Venerable Dhammadipa from Delhi contacted Sunim, inviting him as a speaker for a large Dharma assembly of 50,000 people near Varanasi in Ghazipur on February 2nd. The event organizers had come from Delhi to Sujata Academy to greet Sunim in advance and explain the event overview. However, due to the two-hour train delay and heavy traffic in Gaya city, Sunim’s group arrived at Sujata Academy slightly later than the appointed time.
At the school entrance, JTS India staff members were waiting for Sunim with flower garlands and bouquets. Sunim greeted them with a bright smile.
The event organizers were also waiting for Sunim. He guided the guests to the JTS Center.
“I apologize for being late to our appointment today. The train was delayed by two hours. There’s an event in Gaya today, so the city traffic is very heavy. You should leave a bit earlier than usual if you’re taking the train.”
“Thank you for the information. We came to see you before the event to confirm your schedule. We expect more than 50,000 people to participate in this event. It’s the first time we’ve invited a Korean monk, and we’re honored to have you, Venerable Pomnyun Sunim.
I’m a doctoral student studying Buddhism at Delhi University, and Venerable Dhammadipa has been staying at the venue for two months preparing for the event.”
“Yes, I accepted the invitation when Venerable Dhammadipa requested it. What is the purpose of this event, and why are so many people gathering for it?”
“It’s a large event where Buddhists and followers of King Ashoka from all over the country gather to share and spread the Dharma. However, it’s not exclusively for Buddhists; about half of the attendees are Hindus.”
“The reason I’m asking is to understand what content I should include in my Dharma talk. I understand why people living near Varanasi would participate, but I’m curious about why so many people from across the country are attending. Since not all participants are Buddhists, it’s hard to call it a Buddhist event. What significance does this event hold that draws people to participate?”
“The event is organized by the ‘Maurya Community.’ This is a group formed 20 years ago by people with the surname ‘Maurya.’ They primarily focus on promoting and commemorating the achievements of Emperor Ashoka (Ashoka Maurya). Buddhism’s spread worldwide and its 2600-year history owe much to Emperor Ashoka’s role. The descendants with the Maurya surname take great pride in having Emperor Ashoka as their ancestor. In a nutshell, this event is ‘A Day to Honor the Great Emperor Ashoka’s Legacy.’ Every year on February 2nd, Maurya descendants from all over India gather in Ghazipur for this event. Not all people with the Maurya surname are Buddhists. Some follow Hinduism, while others follow Sikhism. That’s why it’s not exclusively a Buddhist event. However, all Maurya descendants respect Emperor Ashoka and follow his ideals.
Emperor Ashoka fully embraced Buddhism and spread it not only throughout India but also worldwide. He followed Buddha’s footsteps and erected Ashoka pillars at significant sites, which still serve as proof of Buddhist holy sites today. His legacy continues to this day. While Buddhism is fundamentally based on Buddha’s enlightenment, Emperor Ashoka’s contributions to modern Buddhism cannot be ignored. This event is not about mourning Emperor Ashoka, but about celebrating his contributions to the spread of Buddhism. Therefore, it’s difficult to say that commemorating Emperor Ashoka is not a Buddhist event. Moreover, even though his descendants who respect and follow him may currently practice different religions, they don’t reject Buddhism. Even people of different faiths will listen attentively when you speak at this event, Sunim.”
“Why was the Ashoka pillar erected in Ghazipur?”
“The Ashoka pillar was discovered 570 years ago, but I’m not sure why it was erected in that village. Usually, Ashoka pillars are found at Buddhist holy sites, but one pillar was discovered in this village. The event initially started with Ashoka’s descendants in Ghazipur gathering to commemorate the discovery of the pillar erected by Emperor Ashoka in their village. It has been an ongoing event for 20 years now.”
“I understand. What topic would you suggest for my Dharma talk at the event?”
“In my opinion, it would be good if you could speak about how Buddha’s teachings can be applied to our current lives, and how Korea and India can foster cultural exchange.”
“Alright. Let’s take a look around the school.”
After about an hour of meeting, Sunim guided the guests to the promotional hall. However, the guests were already well-informed about JTS and Sunim. Sunim then led them outside the promotional hall to tour the school.
“As I mentioned before the meeting, the traffic in Gaya city is very heavy today. You should leave soon if you don’t want to miss your train.”
The guests had reserved a train to Delhi departing at 2 PM, so Sunim briefly introduced the school and saw them off.
Sunim returned to the school, had lunch with the group, and engaged in conversation. Sunim has not been feeling well for several days, and his cold hasn’t improved. Today, he didn’t schedule any additional activities, instead proofreading manuscripts in his room and resting for the entire afternoon before concluding the day.
As there was no Dharma talk today, we’ll end this post by sharing a conversation between Sunim and a questioner from the live Friday Dharma Q&A session held in Varanasi on January 10th.
My Husband and I Have Serious Conflicts That Cause Me Distress
“Apart from these differences in values, what specific difficulties are you facing in your married life right now?”
“Well, because of our frequent disagreements, my husband often becomes violent, and we end up cursing at each other a lot. It seems we’ve lost the basic attitude of respect for each other.”
“When I ask about difficulties, I mean, firstly, is he completely failing to fulfill his role economically, or is he wasting even the money you earn? Secondly, is he meeting other women outside or breaking the basic promises of married life? Thirdly, it’s understandable if he shouts in anger after hearing your nagging, but is his personality inherently violent, or does he engage in legally problematic behaviors like stealing others’ belongings, sexual harassment, or fraud?”
“None of those apply in our case.”
“Then, what good qualities did your husband have that made you decide to marry him? It’s not like in the old days; nowadays, people usually talk and get to know each other before marriage, rather than just looking at photos.”
“Yes, I married him because he had good qualities.”
“What aspects did you like?”
“At first, I thought he was a stable person because he handled my emotional fluctuations well.”
“Does he have the ability to provide economically?”
“Yes.”
“Constantly demanding that your partner adhere to your values is a source of conflict. If one person is Buddhist and the other is Christian, it’s simply a difference in religion. Differences in beliefs, values, and customs are just that – differences. It’s like you’ve lived as an exemplary student, while your husband has lived a free-spirited life. Being exemplary has its advantages, but it can also mean being inflexible. Similarly, living freely has both pros and cons. If he’s not causing social disturbances or involved in crimes, you can simply think, ‘That’s just who he is – a free-spirited person.’ There’s no problem with that. For example, if he’s not good at organizing things or is often late for appointments, these aren’t major issues.”
“I think the biggest problem is that I keep seeing aspects of my husband that make me think ‘This isn’t right,’ and it’s causing me to lose respect for him.”
“What specific behaviors of your husband make you think ‘This isn’t right’?”
“He makes derogatory remarks about the weak, or he criticizes the appearance of our child’s friends in front of our child, always seeming to have a somewhat skewed perspective.”
“In that case, your husband might not be at a level you can respect personally, but he’s not immoral or a criminal. Look at President Trump’s behavior these days. Isn’t it a bit hard to understand from a common sense perspective? Yet half of the people living in the United States, the world’s superpower, support him. Many people in the U.S. said they would emigrate if Trump became president. There were many who expressed aversion, questioning how such a person could be the leader of a country. I fully acknowledge that such feelings can arise. But that doesn’t mean everything President Trump does is bad. When he makes sexist or racist remarks, mocks refugees, or makes arrogant statements about neighboring countries like Canada and Denmark, it’s below common sense. On the other hand, it’s precisely because of this personality that he’s been able to facilitate dialogue between North Korea and the U.S., and potentially end the war between Ukraine and Russia. These are the advantages of such a character. This kind of unconventional approach can sometimes contribute to bringing peace.
If you feel that you physically can’t live in the same house and be intimate with someone who belittles others’ appearances and speaks carelessly, that could be grounds for divorce. However, if you’re looking at this issue from the perspective of ‘You’re wrong, and I’m right’ because of differing values, that’s your mistake.
The child doesn’t develop problems because of the father’s behavior. It’s because the mother tells the child, ‘There’s something wrong with your father,’ that the child comes to believe, ‘There must be something wrong with my dad.’ At the same time, the child ends up mimicking the father’s behavior. If the mother accepts the differences and embraces the husband’s behavior, the child will make their own choice later on. They might think, ‘I prefer someone like mom,’ or ‘I prefer someone like dad.’ They won’t think, ‘There’s something wrong with dad.’ Even if the child raises issues about their father later on, it’s better to explain it to them this way:
‘Not everyone in the world is the same. Mom is someone who follows rules well, and dad is a free-spirited person. That’s why mom can be a bit inflexible, while dad can be creative. However, dad might seem impolite to others. Mom considers others and is polite, but can be a bit frustrating at times. This is how people in the world differ.’
This way, the child can grow up healthy without major issues.”
“I agree with what you’ve said. But I find myself stubbornly thinking ‘I’m right’ without realizing it. How can I let go of this stubbornness?”
“It’s not that you absolutely have to let go of your stubbornness. The point is to realize that the cause of your marital breakdown isn’t your husband’s free-spirited nature, but your insistence on making it an issue. It’s not your husband’s problem that’s making your marriage difficult; it’s your insistence on your own values. You can divorce to maintain your values. In that case, it’s okay to live alone, knowing that ‘I might have difficulties living with anyone.’ But if you don’t live alone and marry someone else, there’s a very high chance that you’ll end up saying, ‘We match in terms of dignity, but we can’t live together due to differences in personality or beliefs.’ If you want to stick to your values, you have no choice but to separate. If you want to live together, you need to let go of your value standards.
When I work with pastors and priests on environmental movements, peace movements, and relief activities, even when I prepare the food, they pray, ‘Heavenly Father, thank you for our daily bread.’ If I were to think, ‘I prepared the food, why are they thanking someone else?’ I wouldn’t be able to work with them. I have to join in and say ‘Amen!’ to be able to work with them, right? When doing something together, we need to acknowledge and accept our differences.”
“Yes, I understand. Thank you.”
“So, what are you going to do?”
“I think I need to acknowledge and accept that we’re different.”
“As long as your husband isn’t committing sexual harassment, sexual assault, fraud, verbal abuse, physical violence, or theft, he’s not legally problematic.” Just as some people arrive late to appointments while others come early, and just as some people like this food while others prefer that food, there are various types of people in the world. Some people like animals, and some don’t. Even among those who like animals, some prefer cats while others prefer dogs – they’re all different. Various people coexist in this world, and if you think, ‘Why would anyone like cats?’ in such a manner, it becomes difficult to live together. In that case, you don’t have to live together.

“For example, I’m allergic to animal fur, so I don’t share spaces with people who have pets. If someone asks me to ride in a car that has had a dog in it, I decline due to my allergy. I need to take care of my own health. Similarly, you can accept your husband’s free-spirited nature and rough way of speaking. As long as he’s not committing crimes or acting immorally, it’s about acknowledging human diversity. Try living with this changed perspective. If you still find it unbearable, then you can reconsider divorce at that point.”
“Thank you.”
Thank you, Sunim. A Day in the Life of Sunim is like nourishing medicine and vital nutrients for my heart.