It’s Hard to See My Child Neglecting Studies and Getting Addicted to Their Smartphone

Dec 07, 2024 – Youth Talk Talk, Gilbeot Coal Briquette Sharing, Youth Camp Day 1

Hello everyone. Today is the day for the coal briquette delivery volunteer work of ‘Gilbeot’, a group of broadcast, film and theater artists who gather for mind practice and volunteer activities. And it’s also the day of the youth camp to welcome the end of the year with young people.

After completing his early morning practice and meditation, Sunim moved to the broadcasting studio at the Seoul Jungto Center at 10 AM to conduct a live broadcast of Youth Talk Talk for young people. About 900 young people connected to the live broadcast and had time to casually discuss their concerns. The youth opened up about various worries including career paths, employment, relationships, self-improvement, appearance, and health.

Then Sunim gave an opening remark.

“The weather has gotten much colder since last night. On top of that, various social issues have occurred, so I think many of you might have had trouble sleeping. Today is a time to talk about the various concerns you have in your lives. If you have any worries, please feel free to share them.”

First, those who had submitted questions in advance asked Sunim. Eight people pressed the raise hand button and had a conversation with Sunim. One of them sought Sunim’s advice on how to resolve conflicts, saying they were having a difficult time in graduate school due to conflicts with their advisor.

How Can I Overcome Difficulties in Graduate School Due to Conflicts with My Advisor?

“Your professor might be showing such attitude towards you because they’re under a lot of stress or have become sensitive lately. However, the fact that you’re stressed and can’t sleep properly because of this indicates that there’s also an issue with your own mental health.

First, in this case, the best approach is to complete your doctoral program while receiving medical treatment. If you blame the professor in this situation, no solution will be visible. If you consider the professor as the source of the problem, you’ll end up quitting in the end. The thought that ‘things might get better if the situation improves’ is actually useless. It’s not something you can change. Of course, it would be nice if the professor didn’t get irritated and treated you a little better, but that’s not the reality, is it? It’s no use for a farmer to keep thinking, ‘If only it would rain, I could farm well.’ If the reality is that it’s not raining, you have to farm under those conditions. You need to find alternatives like digging a well, bringing water from elsewhere, or planting buckwheat instead of rice. You have to do what you can under the given conditions.

The same applies to you. You need to find what you can do under the given conditions. You’re not just starting your doctoral program; you’ve already been at it for two years. Changing your career path at this point would create various problems. You’d have to go to the military, and even after discharge, you’d need more than two additional years. Therefore, the best approach is to accept the current conditions and continue with your work. However, since the conditions have worsened compared to before, you need to respond more actively. If you feel that your current capacity is insufficient, you can cope by getting help from a doctor at the hospital.

Second, try to look at the given reality in a positive way. Instead of just thinking, “I can’t stand that professor,” try to understand that the professor may also be going through various difficulties in life. Their marriage relationship may not be good, things may not be going as planned, or he or she may be stressed for some reason. Although you may not know it, understand that the professor probably has his or her own circumstances and try to accept them in a positive way.

When the professor points something out, rather than feeling resentful and thinking “Why are they criticizing me again?”, say “Yes, I understand. I’ll do that. I’ll fix it.” and try to improve if there are areas for improvement. Move away from the perspective that “The professor is exploiting us” or “taking advantage of us”, and adopt an attitude of accepting this system to achieve your goals. As you know, the relationship between professors and students in doctoral programs is quite strict, almost like a master-servant relationship. It’s even more binding than the relationship between a boss and an employee. This system originated from the medieval apprenticeship system, and it may be difficult for young people with democratic mindsets today to accept. While it should be improved in the future, for now, you have to accept this system if you want to get a doctoral degree. If this is too difficult to accept, giving up on the doctoral program may be a realistic choice. However, if you don’t want to give up on your doctorate, you need to accept this system. You can’t get a doctoral degree without the professor’s approval.

Of course, if the professor engages in illegal behavior like sexual harassment or violence, you should firmly protest and raise the issue. However, if it’s not that kind of problem, protesting or refusing is actually not helpful to you. If you want to reject the system, you have to give up on the doctoral program, and if you want to get a doctoral degree, you have no choice but to accept this system.

However, if it’s so mentally challenging that you can’t bear it anymore, or if you feel like you’re going to get seriously ill, you need to take a different approach. Which is more important, your health or a doctoral degree? Of course, health is more important. In this case, you have no choice but to quit without regret and take a break for a while.

Even if you quit, it’s not a huge loss. If you nearly died in a car accident but survived, you’d be grateful to be alive even if you lost an arm, right? Similarly, even if you give up on your doctoral program midway, you should think that you’ve preserved your health and live without regret. After completing military service and recovering your health, you can find another job, or if you still have a lingering desire for research, you can pursue a doctoral program under a different professor. Just as some people spend a year or two preparing for college entrance exams, it’s perfectly reasonable to take a 1-2 year break from your doctoral program if your health is poor.

So first, carefully examine your health condition. If you can accept this situation positively while getting medical treatment, you should be able to overcome it. If your health allows, continuing what you’ve been doing so far is the best option. However, if it’s so difficult that it’s harming your health, quitting boldly without regret is also an option.”

“Yes, thank you.”

The questions continued. When Sunim left the broadcasting studio after finishing the conversation, it was almost 12 o’clock.

After lunch, Sunim went to the Guryong Village shantytown in Gaepo-dong, Gangnam-gu, to deliver briquettes with the Gilbeot group.

At 1 PM, the area in front of the Guryong Village community center was filled with warm hearts ready to share. About 160 volunteers from the broadcasting, film, theater, and art industries, including actors Jo In-sung, Han Ji-min, Chun Woo-hee, Jo Hye-jung, writer Noh Hee-kyung, and broadcaster Kim Je-dong, gathered to deliver briquettes. Their warm hearts, eager to bring warmth to their struggling neighbors, melted away the bitter cold.

Everyone greeted Sunim warmly when they belatedly recognized him in his work clothes and mask. Today, Sunim joined not as a guiding Dharma teacher but as a briquette delivery person.

In this cold winter, there are still many neighbors around us who need briquettes. Every year, warm hands have continued to help, but as the economy has become more difficult, donations have decreased and volunteers have stopped coming, forcing Guryong Village residents to use their briquettes sparingly. JTS, which supports welfare blind spots, has been providing briquette support for five years after hearing this news.

Today, the Gilbeot group needs to deliver a total of 4,500 briquettes. JTS and the Gilbeot group selected the 15 most struggling households, including those with disabilities, severe patients, and veterans, and decided to deliver 300 briquettes per household, even to the deepest alleys. These are people who are particularly struggling among those who are all facing difficulties.

Yesterday, JTS activists had already unloaded briquettes on roads where cars could pass. However, since cars cannot enter the narrow alleys, Gilbeot volunteers formed long lines in each alley to pass the briquettes from hand to hand.

One person was designated to count the number of briquettes as they were passed along one by one.

“1, 2, 3…… 899, 900”

They carefully stacked 900 briquettes at the first location. Sunim took charge of stacking briquettes in the narrow spaces. Stacking briquettes firmly and stably required delicate hands and some skill, which only Sunim had experience with. Sunim first leveled the ground, then carefully stacked each briquette one by one to prevent them from collapsing.

Once a certain amount of briquettes were stacked, Sunim entrusted the task of stacking to a volunteer.

“Now you can stack them neatly on top of this. Give it a try.”

After stacking all the briquettes, they moved to the next location. Once the line was formed and preparations were complete, the briquette relay began.

With 160 volunteers from Gilbeot coming to help, this year they were able to deliver briquettes to the deepest parts of the alleys. Though hands and feet were freezing and masks were blackened with briquette ash, smiles bloomed on everyone’s faces. As they delivered each briquette to the residents of Guryong Village, they also shared the warm hearts contained within them.

The homeowner, who had been silently watching the briquettes being stacked, smiled brightly and greeted them when all the briquettes were delivered.

“Thank you so much! Thanks to you, we can spend the cold winter warmly. We never forget that Sunim supports us every year.”

As the last briquette was sent off, everyone cheered with joy.

“The last briquette is going in!”

After completing delivery to one house, they immediately moved on to the next house, continuing deliveries. Repeating the same motion over and over, some people groaned with back pain in between.

They diligently carried briquettes, changing directions once in a while. Beads of sweat formed on their foreheads.

Three hours after starting the briquette delivery, 3,600 briquettes were delivered.

“This is the last briquette. We’re done!”

Though their bodies were sore, they felt fulfilled leaving the alleys with empty hands. When they took off their gloves, they were blackened with briquette ash. The Gilbeot group participants shared their thoughts on site.

“After working hard to deliver briquettes, my heart feels warm. Let’s do street fundraising together next May.”

After sharing their feelings, Sunim gave words of encouragement.

“Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedules. The briquettes we delivered in this short time will provide warmth for the village residents to spend a warm winter. Thank you for taking the time every year. It’s cold, so let’s move to the Jungto Social and Cultural Center to continue our conversation. Good job everyone.”

They took a group photo with their faces still covered in briquette ash.

“Gilbeot, fighting!”

After greeting the actors, Sunim immediately got in the car and headed to the Jungto Social and Cultural Center.

In the basement cafeteria, curry and kimchi were carefully prepared. They warmed their frozen hands and feet while enjoying the meal, then everyone gathered again in the basement auditorium. From 5:30 PM, they had time to ask Sunim questions and discuss life concerns.

“This is not a Dharma talk, but a casual conversation time like sharing thoughts after finishing work. You can share your impressions or ask questions. Feel free to speak honestly if you have anything you want to say.”

Anyone could raise their hand on the spot and ask Sunim a question. One person sought Sunim’s advice, saying it was difficult to watch their children, who will be entering 10th and 12th grade next year, not studying and being absorbed in their smartphones.

It’s Hard to See My Child Neglecting Studies and Getting Addicted to Their Smartphone

“It’s not that the children’s thinking is wrong, nor is the questioner’s thinking wrong. Right now, because parents are forcing study, studying has become a task for children. When I was young, because my father forced me to do farm work, farming became a labor for me. As a result, I would work when my father was watching, but not work when he wasn’t looking. For children too, when studying is a task, they pretend to study when parents or teachers are watching, but don’t study when they’re not being watched. Conversely, if you were to forbid a child from studying or scold them for studying, they would probably study in secret. (Laughter)

When I was young, my father would hit the floor with a stick while I was studying, telling me to go to the field for farm work. So I would secretly hide and read books or study. Even on winter nights, when I turned on the oil lamp to study, I would get scolded for wasting oil. From my father’s perspective, I wasn’t working, and he thought I could read books during daylight hours instead of using up oil. As a result, I had to cover the door with a blanket to prevent light from escaping the room while I read. This made studying like a game for me. Since I had to do it in secret, I never felt that studying was unpleasant.

The reason children dislike studying nowadays is that it’s imposed on them as an obligation. Try making smartphones or gaming a mandatory activity for children. Then scold them if they don’t play games for five hours a day. They’ll all throw away their smartphones. (Laughter)

From this perspective, there’s no difference between the older generation and the children’s generation. When we were growing up, we studied hard because it wasn’t an obligation, as farming was more important to our parents. When today’s children grow up and a generation changes, the situation will be different again. When today’s children become parents, they might say to their children, “When we were young, we learned a lot by looking at smartphones, why don’t you do that?” People work hard when they do what they want to do. On the other hand, when parents make them do something they don’t want to do, they do it reluctantly and only when being watched. When you say to your children now, “We send you to academies and buy you books and everything you need, why don’t you study?” it’s the same as when my father said to me when I was young, “We have land and tools, why don’t you do farm work?”

There’s nothing wrong with the children. When they grow up, they might say to their own children, “When I was in school, I learned by myself by looking at my phone without my mom telling me to, and I mastered all the functions in it, why can’t you even master one thing properly?”

When you do something because you like it, it becomes play, and when you do it because someone else forces you to, it becomes work. There’s no separate distinction between play and work. For example, here’s a stage. Music is played and people are made to dance, but on the stage, professionals are brought in and paid to dance. Below the stage, people who enter are made to pay an entrance fee and dance. The people on the stage are people who came to work for money, and the people below the stage are people who paid money to come and play. When it’s almost time to end, if they announce an extension of the closing time, the people dancing on the stage will protest. They were working for money, so they protest why they aren’t given additional pay. On the other hand, the people dancing below the stage will dance more excitedly because it’s free. They were both dancing, but one side was dancing as work, and the other side was dancing as play, hence the difference. All work is like this.

When you work for money, the focus is not on the action but on the money. Because you’re working for money, the work or action is just a means, and the goal is money. On the contrary, when you play, do you play for money? You spend money for play, right?

“We spend money for play.”

“Because you spend money for play, play is not a means but becomes the goal and the subject. Even though you’re doing the same action, it’s this different. When you do it as work for money, the action becomes a means for money, and when you do it as play by paying money, the action itself becomes the purpose. In other words, you become the master of that work.

When I look at you, you’re always trying to sell something. It’s always because money is the goal. Because money is the goal, you try to sell even your talents. What you do or your actions are not the purpose, you do it for money. Because money is the goal like this, life is always not subjective. Because life is not subjective, you get stressed in the process. This is separate from physical tiredness. Sometimes playing can be physically more tiring than working. That’s why there’s a term like ‘Monday blues’. Monday blues occur when you play harder on weekends than working on weekdays. But after playing like that, even though your body is tired, you express it as ‘I relieved stress’.

If you suddenly realize this principle at some point, life becomes play. Whether you receive money or not becomes not very important. Even though you’re doing the same action, if you’re wearing gym clothes, you think it’s exercise, and if you’re wearing a military uniform, you think it’s training. If you say you’re training in a military uniform, people try to avoid it somehow or run away, but if you say you’re exercising in gym clothes, they do it enthusiastically. It’s the same with climbing mountains. When people go hiking, they voluntarily climb the mountain, so they can easily climb even with huge backpacks. No one told them to, but they climb to that high place and whistle at the mountain peak. But if you put a military uniform on them and send them to a high place, or if you give a load to a worker and tell them to climb to that high place, everyone says they’re dying. If you observe this working of our minds a little, you can live life with much less stress than now. Do you understand what I mean?”

“Yes.”

“What do you mean you understand? This is such a difficult thing to understand. (Laughter) If you understand this, all the sufferings of life will end. If you realize just this principle, there will be no difficulties in living. If you know this, it’s good to be alone when you’re alone, it’s good to be with someone when you’re with someone, it’s good to work when you work, and it’s good to rest when there’s no work. But you all make a fuss saying it’s hard when there’s work, and you make a fuss saying you’re bored when there’s no work. You say it’s hard to go to work, and then you fall into despair saying you don’t have a job. It’s a problem either way. It should be good to be at home because you can play, good to go to work because you have work, good to be with someone because you can have a conversation, and good to be alone because it’s not bothersome. But you always live the opposite way.

You think that I do a lot of good things for others without receiving money, but for me, living like this is all play. If I receive a speaker’s fee and give a lecture, the lecture would not be play but work. However, if I give a lecture without receiving any money, the lecture becomes play. I’m just playing by listening to people’s stories and having conversations. On the contrary, if I receive a salary or lecture fee, distinctions like ‘this place pays a lot’, ‘that place pays little’ would arise. But because I don’t receive any lecture fees at all, I go when I have time, I can’t go when I don’t have time, it’s okay to give a lecture, and it’s okay not to give a lecture. When I say this, most of you ask, ‘How do you make a living like that?’ But it’s just a bit difficult at first, everyone is meant to make a living.

“I hope you can change your perspective a little. Especially for those of you working in broadcasting and entertainment, it’s easy to fall into a more competitive lifestyle. Your work environment often leads to comparing yourself with others and focusing on winning. From my perspective, you’re all good-looking and talented, but because you’re always comparing yourselves to people who seem better, you end up feeling inadequate. You all need to realize that you’re good people. Don’t focus too much on income or popularity. I hope you can all live cheerfully with the perspective that you’re a good person.”

“Thank you.”

The questions continued. Those working in broadcasting and culture were also concerned about the current situation, including worries about martial law and the collapse of constitutional order. Sunim shared many thoughts on how to live with the right perspective in these confusing times.

The conversation ended with a big round of applause just before 7 PM. After taking a group photo, Sunim immediately headed to the 9th floor auditorium.

Starting today, about 100 youth volunteers from the Special Youth Division are holding a two-day year-end youth camp at the Jungto Social and Cultural Center with the theme “A New Leap to Lead Future Civilization.” It’s an opportunity to wrap up the year’s activities and gain momentum for the next year’s activities.

The youth camp opened with an exciting performance by “The Haetalz,” a group composed of young volunteers.

Amidst the excitement, Park SuJung, the head of the Special Youth Division, summarized and presented the main activities of the Special Youth Division and plans for next year, which the young volunteers had been discussing and presenting throughout the day.

Based on the success of this year’s “Youth Talk Talk” event, which brought together 500 young people, the youtBased on the success of this year’s “Youth Talk Talk” event, which brought together 500 young people, the youth division head announced plans to reach out to more young people next year, including on college campuses. Through this, they aim to create cultural performances and dialogue opportunities, and plan lectures with political and social figures or youth leaders, targeting events that can involve about 1,000 young people. They also plan to regularize peace and unification activities, expanding the scale of peace history tours to Jeju 4.3, Northeast Asia, and Gyeongju, and extending the “Unification Purumi” campaign nationwide to convey the values of peace and unification to more people.

Sunim then took the stage and greeted everyone with a smile.

“Did you have many conversations today? I just came back from delivering briquettes with Gilbeot members from 1 PM. After finishing the briquette delivery, I was having a conversation in the basement auditorium until just now before coming up here.”

Then, the young people asked Sunim questions about difficulties they face in their activities or things they were curious about. For an hour, six people asked questions and engaged in dialogue.

How close is it okay to be with fellow practitioners in a practice community?

Unlike when I volunteer in the youth division, at work I have very strong thoughts that I’m right and want to be understood. How should I approach my work?

Why do we have to commit for 3 years once we start something in Jungto Society? Even if we find difficulties or unreasonable aspects while running a branch, do we have to stick to it for 3 years?

What can we young people do for unification, and how can we maintain hope?

Through Jungto Society activities, I feel meaning and vitality in life, but when I return to daily life, I find myself swayed by worldly things. How can I stay centered and not be pulled into the secular world?

What is unchanging in this world?

The questions continued. As the conversation deepened, an hour had passed.

“Let’s stop here for today and continue our conversation tomorrow. I’m feeling drowsy now because I overexerted myself delivering briquettes. Kim Je-dong will take over for me for the rest of the time. Please welcome him with applause. Since I’ve brought an excellent substitute, I can leave early, right?”

“Yes, thank you.”

Amid loud applause, Sunim left the stage, and Kim Je-dong came up to continue the conversation.

“Nice to meet you. From now on, you’ll be having a conversation with a completely different kind of person from Venerable Pomnyun Sunim. I can’t live like Sunim, and I don’t intend to. I have no plans to travel around the world, and I don’t want to eat or sleep just anywhere. (Laughter)

Since Sunim suddenly handed the microphone to me and disappeared, you can consider this a state of emergency martial law. However, when morning comes tomorrow, Sunim will lift the martial law, and I’ll return to my normal life. Could someone please close the door outside? We don’t know when the military might come in. (Laughter)

Being on stage makes me feel like I’ve become the martial law commander. I’ll come down from the stage to talk.” (Laughter)

The laughter didn’t stop while Kim Je-dong was speaking. The young people had a great time, holding their stomachs with laughter.

Tomorrow is the second day of the youth camp. After an online Dharma Q&A session with foreign students learning at Jungto Dharma School, there will be a Dharma Q&A session with the young participants.