Sep 26, 2024 – Meeting with North Korea Experts and a Social Figure
Good morning. A new day has dawned at the Seoul Jungto Center.
After completing his morning prayer and meditation, Sunim began his day with a breakfast meeting with North Korea experts at 7 AM. After enjoying a meal prepared with care by the Peace Foundation staff, he examined the living conditions of North Korean residents and checked changes in exchange rates and food prices.
He discussed the current state of flood recovery in North Korea, particularly in relation to the recent severe flooding in the Sinuiju area. The flood damage is so severe that heavy equipment support is desperately needed, but since heavy equipment is subject to economic sanctions, recovery efforts are facing many difficulties. After much discussion about how humanitarian aid could be provided, the meeting concluded.
After lunch, at 2 PM, Sunim had a meeting with a social figure outside. He shared his experiences from his recent overseas trip, including visiting earthquake-affected areas in the Turkey-Syria border region and observing sustainable development efforts in Bhutan. He then discussed various political and social issues facing Korean society.
As the sun set, Sunim attended to indoor work before concluding his daily routine.
Since there was no Dharma talk today, The article will conclude by sharing a conversation between a questioner and Sunim from the Dharma Q&A session held in Seattle on the 15th, which was conducted with English interpretation.
How Do I Teach Discipline to My Children While Loving Them?
“When we’re unsure whether we should do this or that, it’s usually an artificially created problem. In such cases, it’s best to observe the natural state and make judgments based on that. The natural state occurs without artificial criteria, truly happening naturally. For example, if you raise a dog at home, you can learn how to raise children by observing how a mother dog raises her puppies. Whether a dog gives birth to two, three, or even five puppies, the mother never complains or feels distressed about having too many puppies to raise. Even if several puppies come to nurse at the same time, she just lets them be. The mother doesn’t particularly dote on the puppies, doesn’t have any specific plans on how to raise them, and doesn’t show any special love. Also, she doesn’t bite or abuse the puppies even if many of them nurse at once, causing discomfort.
We can learn several things from observing this natural state. First, raising offspring is not seen as a burden. If you find raising children difficult, there’s a high probability that things will go wrong.
Second, offspring are not abused. You often try to do too much for your children, and when it becomes overwhelming, you get irritated and may end up abusing them. In the natural state, offspring are not abused. While adult dogs might bark at or fight with each other, they don’t bark at, fight with, or bite their puppies. On very rare occasions when this happens, it’s usually due to mental illness. Therefore, you should never yell loudly, hit, or scold your children under any circumstances. Such actions all cause psychological damage to the child.
Third, do what you can for them, and leave the rest be. You often try to do too much and end up getting irritated when it becomes difficult. Basically, apart from feeding, you can bathe them once a day, or if that’s too much, once every two days, or even once a week if it’s difficult – the child won’t feel any problem with this. Whether you buy them nice clothes or expensive shoes, these are all issues related to your preferences, not the child’s needs. So parents should do what they can and it’s okay not to do the rest.”
“Can I just ask one follow-up question to that? My fear is that just accepting them fully as they are, and loving them regardless of their behavior because they are two and five is that they will have no sense of discipline. So, do we just trust and let it go and accept them?”
“What aspect of your children are you concerned about?”
“They won’t be happy because society won’t accept them.”
“That’s not the case. That’s just your worry. For example, when it’s mealtime and children don’t sit at the table on time, most parents call them two or three times and then scold them. Then when the child comes late, they serve the meal again. This approach causes psychological harm by scolding and also spoils the child by serving the meal again. In such situations, you should inform them it’s mealtime, and if they don’t come on time, clear the table. If they come later and ask for food, you can say, ‘Mealtime is over, and I’m busy now, so you can either find something to eat yourself or go hungry.’ This way, you don’t scold them, so the child doesn’t get hurt. Even if the child cries loudly for food or rolls on the floor, that’s just them throwing a tantrum, not getting hurt because you didn’t scold them. With this approach, the child will either come on time to eat next time or choose to find food for themselves later.
If parents find raising children difficult, there’s a high chance the children will turn out poorly. You shouldn’t think it’s difficult even if you’re raising four children. If you find something difficult, just don’t do it. Then the child will learn to do it themselves. In any case, the worst thing is scolding the child. Most of you have been scolded by your parents, so you have wounds from that. At the same time, you also feel gratitude because you received love from your parents. If you only had negative feelings towards them, like towards a stranger, you could just part ways. But because you feel gratitude towards your parents, you can’t separate from them. Also, if there was only gratitude, you could just meet them, but because there are also wounds, you feel hatred when you meet. This dilemma of missing them when apart and hating them when together can lead to schizophrenia if it becomes severe. Your parents are people who have given you great love, but at the same time, they may have caused great wounds in your life. To avoid hurting your child, just do what you can for them.
If you think there are social rules that need to be followed, explain these to them, and they will naturally follow them afterwards. Don’t expect children to understand after being told just once because they don’t know much. Watch when children start to walk. Is there any child who walks perfectly on their first try? They fall countless times before they finally start walking. So when teaching children something, you should never get irritated or angry. If it doesn’t work after ten times, do it eleven times, if it doesn’t work after a hundred times, do it a hundred and one times. Also, don’t think the child is lacking if they can’t or won’t do something. Some things might be learned in one try, while others might take ten tries.
“Raise children just as a mother dog raises her puppies. There’s nothing wrong with the children. If I’m happy, the children are happy, and if I suffer while raising them, it all becomes emotional scars for the children. The more parents think, ‘I’ve suffered tremendously raising you,’ the more the children grow up carrying a heavy burden towards their parents, preventing them from living vibrantly. We shouldn’t burden our children. As parents, we should let children live freely according to their own will. Even if children worry about their mother, we should be able to say, ‘Mom has no problems, you go and do your own thing.’ Children are not our slaves. They are free individuals. We only helped them when they were young because they needed assistance.”
“Thank you.”
Tomorrow, Sunim will conduct an online Friday Dharma Q&A live broadcast in the morning. In the afternoon, he will have a meeting with social figures at the Peace Foundation, and in the evening, he will give an offline Dharma Q&A lecture at the Jungto Social and Cultural Center.
