Aug 30, 2024 – Transit Through Delhi, India, and Arrival in Bhutan
Hello. Today is the day we’re entering Bhutan after completing our visit to the earthquake-affected areas in Türkiye.
The plane that departed from Istanbul Airport in Türkiye at 8 PM last night arrived at Delhi Airport in India at 4:30 AM local time after a 6-hour and 30-minute flight. Sunim slept in his seat on the plane.
Although his body felt heavy after flying all night and arriving at dawn, Sunim immediately retrieved his luggage and completed the immigration process for India.
As Sunim exited the airport, the morning sun was rising.
At 5:20 AM, Sunim met Ms. Kim Eun-hee in front of Delhi Airport and received toothpaste and soap to give as gifts to the people of Bhutan. Despite being contacted suddenly yesterday afternoon, Ms. Kim quickly prepared the soap and toothpaste and brought them to the airport in the early morning.
“Thank you.”
Back inside the airport, Sunim had breakfast with the bread he had received as an in-flight meal on the plane from Gaziantep to Istanbul yesterday afternoon.
From 6 AM to 9 AM, Sunim spent time waiting for the flight to Bhutan at Delhi Airport. He sat in a chair, catching up on some much-needed sleep and also taking care of some work. At 9:30 AM, he checked in his luggage and completed the departure procedures to board the flight to Bhutan.
As Sunim waited at the gate for the flight to Bhutan, two Bhutanese people approached and greeted him.
“Excuse me, are you Lama? We’re from Zhemgang.”
It turned out that one of them was the interpreter who had translated from English to Bhutanese during Sunim’s visit to Mamung Chiwog in May. He was delighted to confirm it was Venerable Pomnyun Sunim and showed him an article from “A Day in the Life of Sunim” about the day Sunim visited their village, saying, “This is the day you came to our village.”
They asked:
“Where are you coming from, Sunim?”
Sunim replied:
“I’m coming from Türkiye. There was a major earthquake in Türkiye last year. We’ve been doing earthquake recovery work and rebuilding collapsed schools.”
“That’s amazing.”
They also discussed the sustainable development projects being carried out in Bhutan.
“This year, our goal is to conduct pilot projects. We plan to continue the work for the next five years.”
“We remember what you told us when you visited our village last time.”
After a pleasant conversation, they took a commemorative photo together before boarding the flight to Paro.
The plane departed from Delhi Airport at 12:30 PM, passed through the Himalayan gorges, and landed at Paro Airport at 3:00 PM.
After completing immigration procedures, Sunim was greeted outside the airport by Rinchen Dawa, who would be interpreting, and Ishi, a Bhutanese central government official.
Following Bhutanese tradition, Rinchen Dawa offered Sunim a white cloth as a welcome gesture. Sunim accepted the cloth and placed it around Rinchen Dawa’s neck, expressing his gratitude. Rinchen Dawa had traveled a long way from Korea to volunteer as an interpreter.
They departed Paro by car at 3:40 PM, heading towards Trongsa. To reach Trongsa, they had to cross two mountains over 3,000 meters in altitude.
The schedule from 1 PM yesterday to 12 PM tomorrow was entirely dedicated to travel. They had departed from Istanbul, spent the early morning in Delhi, and after arriving in Bhutan, they still had to drive to Zhemgang. As they caught up on sleep and conversed in the car, the sun began to set.
After 8 PM, they stopped at a restaurant for dinner. The restaurant owner offered to provide the meal for free, but Sunim politely declined, saying, “No, we ate so well, we should pay for our meal. Thank you for the delicious food,” and paid before leaving.
They continued driving through the dark mountain roads without any lights. Finally, at 10:20 PM, they arrived in Trongsa.
Jamyang, the planning officer from Trongsa, was waiting for Sunim. They moved to the accommodation together and exchanged warm greetings.
“Have you been well?”
“Yes, I have been well,” Jamyang replied in a strong voice.
Sunim also warmly greeted the driver who had driven for such a long time.
“Thank you for driving all day. It must have been tiring.”
The driver smiled and replied:
“It’s not tiring because it’s my job. Please rest well.”
After arriving at the accommodation, they unpacked and concluded the long day of travel. This was how the first day in Bhutan came to an end.
As there was no Dharma talk today, we’ll conclude with a conversation between Sunim and a questioner from the Dharma Q&A held in Frankfurt, Germany on the 26th.
How Can We Build Trust in Human Relationships?
“When someone trusts me, is that their issue or mine?”
“It’s their issue.”
“If I trust someone, is that their issue or mine?”
“It’s my issue.”
“Being trusted by someone is their issue, so there’s nothing you can do about it. Therefore, trying to gain trust from others is not a desirable mindset. If you’re not trusted by someone, you should explore why that might be. However, it’s not always because you’ve done something wrong. This is because even if there’s nothing wrong with you, the other person might still not trust you. So when someone says they can’t trust you, instead of getting angry, you should have a serious conversation to understand what about you makes them distrustful. If after listening to them, you think you’ve done something to cause distrust, you can work on improving that aspect.
If someone distrusts you because of their trauma, you need to understand them. For example, a man who grew up hearing his mother constantly threaten divorce during fights with his father, or a child who saw his single mother dating after divorce, will likely feel insecure in relationships with women as an adult. Growing up with the constant anxiety that his mother might leave him becomes a habit, causing him to repeatedly start and stop relationships. This is because he’s always gripped by the fear that women might leave him. Such a person might suddenly cut off contact even in a good relationship. From your perspective, this might not make sense. However, if you study the environment they grew up in, you’ll understand that they leave preemptively because they can’t bear the thought of being left behind.
Everyone has a few such traumas. Human personality is formed by childhood experiences. By examining this carefully and healing the wounds, we can move towards healthier relationships. So there’s no need to feel bad if someone distrusts you. We can’t be trusted or praised by everyone. Some people foam at the mouth with anger just hearing the name ‘Venerable Pomnyun’. Among those with right-wing political leanings, some strongly disapprove of my humanitarian aid to North Korea and criticize me, saying ‘If you like North Korea so much, why don’t you go there?’ Among those with left-wing leanings, some criticize me for helping North Korean refugees or raising North Korean human rights issues. People react differently to the same actions or person based on their own inclinations.
When JTS provides aid to India, some people criticize from a nationalistic perspective, asking ‘Why are you helping India instead of our fellow Koreans in North Korea?’ And when we provide aid to North Korea, others criticize, saying ‘Why are you helping North Koreans? You should help India instead!’ Some people raise religious issues, criticizing ‘Why are you helping Muslims?’
When I say ‘It’s best for mothers to raise children until they’re three years old, when their sense of self is forming, to avoid psychological repression or trauma if possible,’ working mothers in their 30s or women’s rights activists criticize me, saying ‘Have you ever given birth and raised a child yourself?’ I understand their position well, so I don’t argue back. Mothers raising babies might react that way, but I’m speaking from the child’s perspective. There are numerous research cases on how mothers can avoid causing psychological repression or trauma to their babies.
For example, there was a woman who lost her husband during the Korean War and was left alone with two children. While fleeing as a refugee, she couldn’t do business while taking care of both her 4-year-old firstborn and her newborn. So she had to leave one child with someone else. Since no one would take care of a newborn who couldn’t control their bowels, she ended up leaving her 4-year-old firstborn with relatives. The mother thought it would be good for the child to be left with well-off relatives. So the second child grew up being carried on her mother’s back, often going hungry, while the firstborn was sent to live with well-off relatives. When they grow up, between the firstborn who was sent to live with well-off relatives and the second child who grew up carried on her mother’s back while she did business, which one do you think will have more emotional scars?”
“I think the child sent to the well-off relatives’ house would have more scars.”
“That’s right. All babies want to grow up suckling their mother’s breast. I’m speaking from the baby’s perspective, regardless of whether mothers can or can’t do this for their babies. Since no one else is speaking up for the babies, I’m willing to take the criticism to advocate for their perspective.
Similarly, North Korean compatriots can’t voice their opinions inside North Korea. So when I speak up about the hunger of North Korean people, many in South Korea criticize me. However, this is a cause worth pursuing even if it means facing criticism. That’s why I try not to argue back as much as possible. I understand that from their perspective, they have reason to criticize.
So does this mean we should stay silent when others criticize us? No, it doesn’t. If something needs to be said, we should say it even if it means facing criticism. We can’t be praised by everyone. But you feel distressed when someone criticizes you. Being criticized doesn’t feel good. No one feels better being criticized than being praised. However, sometimes criticism is unavoidable. Similarly, it’s unavoidable that some people will distrust you. It’s impossible to be trusted by everyone. However, if you work diligently, the chances of being trusted by those around you increase.”
“Actually, I think I’m giving enough trust to others. I just think it’s not up to me to decide whether those people trust me or not.”
“Thinking that your actions are sufficient to earn others’ trust can be somewhat dangerous and arrogant. You simply live your life in your own way, and some people trust that way while others don’t. If you want to be trusted, you need to understand why others don’t trust you. If you improve on that, you can increase the intensity of trust or slightly broaden its scope. But beyond that, it’s not your responsibility.
When I trust others, it benefits me. When I don’t trust, it harms me. So you shouldn’t approach it like ‘I’ll trust if they do this, and I won’t if they don’t do that.’ When you trust someone unconditionally first, your life becomes more stable and abundant. If you start distrusting the people around you, starting with your family, your life becomes unstable and your suffering increases.
So this issue depends on your own decision. I too occasionally meet people who are impossible to trust, but generally, I tend to view most people I meet positively and engage in conversation with them. This is because seeing others in a positive light is beneficial for peace of mind.
Let’s say you broke up with your boyfriend after dating for 3 years. If you think of him as ‘a traitor’, ‘a bad guy’, ‘not even human’, your 3 years become meaningless. You’ll harbor wounds thinking ‘I was blind and deceived by a bad guy for 3 years’. On the other hand, if you part ways with thoughts like ‘Thank you for the good 3 years’, ‘I was happy during our time together’, you can cherish the past 3 years as a valuable experience.
The same applies to married couples. If you part ways with your husband calling him ‘a bad person’, ‘an animal’, it’s like saying your child is the offspring of an animal. This also damages your own self-esteem. Even if you have to separate because you’re not compatible, it’s better to accept it like ‘My husband was a good person. It was just difficult for me to adjust to him’. If you explain it this way to your child, even though the parents have separated, the child can maintain self-positivity.
The more you trust others in this way, the higher your self-positivity becomes. Don’t misunderstand this as ‘trust others unconditionally’ or ‘it’s okay to be deceived’. Being deceived is foolish. If you can’t distinguish this, it’s because you’re avoiding responsibility. Regret is not reflection. Psychologically, regret can be interpreted like this:
‘I’m not someone who would ever make mistakes, but I unknowingly did something stupid. So I can’t forgive myself.’
Regret is a psychological phenomenon where you can’t forgive yourself for doing something stupid. This is an incorrect perspective. We are beings who can make mistakes at any time. When we make a mistake, it should end with ‘I made a mistake. I shouldn’t do it next time’. The reason you regret is because you see yourself as ‘I’m a perfect being who shouldn’t make mistakes, but I made one. So I can’t forgive myself for making a mistake’. It’s the same with hating others. You can’t forgive that person’s actions. Therefore, regret is just self-torment, not a sincere admission of one’s mistake. You should move forward from ‘I was foolish’, ‘I’m sorry’. Regret is like sitting on the ground and crying. It’s not moving forward, but stepping backward.
So instead of thinking ‘I am a person worthy of trust’, try thinking ‘I do my best in my own way, but whether people trust me or not is their freedom’. It’s the same when working for a company. Doing my best is my job, and deciding on my promotion is my boss’s job. The decision about promotion is their freedom and their right. However, when it’s legally unfair, you should file a complaint. You should always have that courage for social justice. But making an issue out of something that’s not clearly against the law can be seen as a waste of time. This is because in any matter involving humans, there’s always room for human consideration. No matter how strict the law is, in human society, there’s always room for extenuating circumstances. Rather, if things are handled too strictly, as if measured with a ruler, the world becomes harsher.
However, if you’re a new employee who just joined a company, or if you’ve come from abroad to study or immigrate, you need to take into account the culture of that society or country to some extent. It takes a lot of time to adapt to a new place. However, it’s not right to live like a criminal by enduring too much unfairness. This is because every country has laws, and you have rights guaranteed by those laws. For things legally guaranteed, you should assert your rights even if it means personal loss, in order to realize social justice. But for cultural or emotional matters, it’s necessary to respond a bit more gently.”
“Thank you. I understand well.”
Tomorrow, sunim will depart early in the morning from Trongsa and arrive in Zhemgang by lunchtime. From the afternoon, he will conduct a ‘Sustainable Development Workshop’ for 2 nights and 3 days with all the village leaders from the 5 gewogs where JTS is conducting pilot projects.
