Q: Throughout the Diamond Sutra, it seems that the message “To be liberated, you should generate the mind to liberate unenlightened beings first” is repeated. While listening to your Dharma talk, I feel that I can understand what you say but as soon as it’s over, I seem to return to the thought, “How can I generate the mind to liberate unenlightened beings when I am not happy myself? Shouldn’t I be liberated first?” Please explain this to me once more.
P: There are flowers in front of me. Are they beautiful or ugly?
Q: They are beautiful.
P: Let me ask you again: If you think the flowers are beautiful, will the flowers feel good or will you feel good?
Q: I’ll feel good.
P: Let me ask you once more: If you think the flowers are ugly, will the flowers feel bad or will you feel bad?
Q: I’ll feel bad.
P: That’s how our mind works. If you hate the flowers, you will feel bad and if you like the flowers, you will feel good. Therefore, to feel good, like the flowers. What is so difficult about it?
It means: if you want to be happy, love others. If you love others, you will feel happy and not the other way around. If you think, “I love my husband,” will your husband feel happy or will you feel happy?
Q: …
P: You think that if you love your husband, your husband will feel good, don’t you? That’s wrong. If you think, “A cheater like that is worse than a brute,” you will feel bad. If you want to feel bad, you can hate him. But if you want to feel good, love your husband. You asked me, “How can I be happy?” So, I am telling you: “Love others.”
Let me give you a simple analogy. If you think, “I don’t understand why he acts that way. I really don’t.” Then how will you feel? Frustrated or lighthearted?
Q: I’ll feel frustrated.
P: On the other hand, if you understand him and think, “Aha, that is why he acted that way,” then who will feel lighthearted?
Q: I’ll feel lighthearted.
P: There is nothing difficult about this. It’s just that unenlightened beings do this in reverse and think, “I’ll be happy when others love me.” And thinking that others don’t love them, they suffer. For example, a woman thinks she’s not happy because her husband doesn’t love her.
She asks, “Lord Buddha, how can I be happy?” But her real question is, “What do I need to do for my husband to love me?” But the Buddha’s answer is the opposite of what she expects. Instead of saying, “If you do this and that, your husband will love you and you will be happy,” the Buddha says, ‘If you love your husband, you will be happy.”
What does it mean to liberate all unenlightened beings? When you love and understand your husband, your child, and your neighbor, you—not they—will be free from suffering. This is the principle and science of how our mind works. When you actually try it, you will see that it works. Why would you need the help of the Buddha or God to love and understand your husband? For you to be happy, you just need to love and understand him.
But no matter how you want your husband to love you, he doesn’t love you, so you pray to the Buddha or God, “Please make him love me,” or “Please make my child get good grades.” You need to pray to a powerful being because you want others to do what you want them to do.
On the other hand, to love someone is entirely up to you, so you don’t need to pray to anyone. When you love someone, you feel happy. If you don’t want to be happy, go ahead and hate others. The Buddha doesn’t teach us morality like “Love others,” or “Don’t hate others.” He just teaches, “If you want to be happy, love others.” If you want to suffer, hate others. He doesn’t talk about ethics like “To hate is bad” or “To love is good.”
You say, “I’m suffering.”
I tell you, “Why are you suffering? You are suffering because you hate someone.”
You ask, “What can I do not to suffer?”
I say, “Don’t hate that person.”
While holding a fireball, you say, “Oh, it’s hot.” So, I tell you, “Drop it.” Why would I tell you to drop it if you say, “It’s nice and toasty.” I am telling you to drop it because you complain that it is hot.
If you want to be happy, you should love, help, and understand others. Then you will have nothing to suffer from. You are suffering now because you are not loved. You suffer because you are not loved even though you want to be loved, and you don’t receive help even though you want to receive help. In short, you suffer because things don’t go the way you want them to go.
Then what can you do to be free from suffering? Should you force others to do what you want them to do? You can’t make that happen, so you pray, “Lord Buddha, please help me.” But even the Buddha can’t do this for you.
To be free from suffering, you just need to let go of your desire to make things go the way you want them to go. Instead of wanting to receive help, generate the mind to help others. Instead of wanting to be loved, love others first. When you understand others instead of wanting to be understood, your suffering will disappear. Isn’t it easy?
The reason why you do things backwards is because of old habits. For a non-smoker, not smoking is easier than smoking. But for a smoker, smoking is easier. Inherently, not smoking is much easier than smoking, because you don’t need to do anything if you don’t smoke. You don’t need money or effort to buy cigarettes. But if you do smoke, a lot of work is needed. For instance, you need money to buy cigarettes, you need to go out and buy them, you need to take one out and light it, inhale it, remove the ash and clean up. So not smoking is much easier than smoking and it is better for your health. But when you are addicted to smoking, smoking is easier. It is because smoking has become a habit. In other words, you become addicted.
In the same way, which is easier, getting angry or not getting angry? Not getting angry is easier. But you get angry because you are addicted to it.
Which is easier, feeling happy or feeling unhappy? Feeling happy is easier. You can be happy if you want to. Because you will be happy when you love and understand others. Becoming happy is entirely up to you.
We suffer because we desire to have our way with the other person. And the desire has become a habit. For we’ve lived like that since we were born. It is the same as a smoker saying, “I can’t live without smoking” when he or she is told to stop smoking.
The Buddhadharma is very easy. Actually, you don’t need to do anything special, but we think it is difficult because we are addicted to the three poisons of greed, anger, and ignorance, like those who are addicted to nicotine or opium. The Buddha says compassionately, “Smoking is bad for your health,” but I say,
“Smoking is bad in many ways.”
If you respond, “I still want to smoke.”
Then, I say, “Really? Go ahead and smoke and die before your time.”
I mean, if you want to smoke, go ahead and smoke. What can I do if you want to smoke? You might think, “How can a Buddhist monk speak like that?” But what can I do if you want to smoke? Not smoking is good for your health, doesn’t cost you any money, and allows you to keep your room clean, but if you insist on smoking, what can I do about it? If I force you to stop smoking, you will say it is a human rights violation or a privacy violation. So, I respect your human right and tell you, “Smoke as you wish and die.” (Sunim laughs)
All the Buddhist sutras, including the Diamond Sutra, talk about common sense. It is the same as telling you to stop smoking if you say your throat hurts due to too much smoking, and telling you to eat less if you say you are suffering from indigestion due to too much eating. All the things the sutras say are things like these. But people say that they can’t quit smoking. And the conversation goes like this:
“Quitting smoking is good.
“Can I smoke just a little?
“Even a little is not good.
“But can I smoke just a little?
“It is still bad for your health.
The conversation drags on. It is the same with the Diamond Sutra, which says all it has to say in Chapter 1, but the audience doesn’t understand, so the explanations stretch to Chapter 32. Do you understand?
Q: Yes.
P: To say that you should generate the mind to liberate all unenlightened beings means you should generate the mind to help others instead of wanting to receive help. You suffer because you think, “My husband doesn’t understand me.” This problem will be solved if you understand your husband. Instead of thinking, “Why doesn’t the flower love me?” you can love the flower. If you think, “Wow, the ocean is so beautiful,” you—not the ocean—will feel good. If you think, “Wow, the mountain is so wonderful,” you—not the mountain—will feel good.
If you say, “My husband is great,” you will feel good. As you are living with a great person, others will respect you, too. However, if you say, “My husband is worse than an animal,” others will think like this:
“It’s funny. As she is living with a man who is worse than an animal, she must be far worse.”
It is like cutting off your nose to spite your face. You end up hurting yourself more. Most of us live like that. Honestly, I can speak more frankly but I am afraid all of you might leave if I do that, so I am toning down what I say. Today, you asked me this question so I am telling you honestly. But the Buddha always spoke straightforwardly.
If someone asked, “How can I be free from suffering?”
He said, “Generate the mind to help others instead of wanting to receive help.”
He meant that you should generate the mind to liberate unenlightened beings instead of asking him to liberate you. What does it mean to liberate? It means that you should love, understand, and help the other person. Understand, love, and help your husband or wife or child. Generate such a mind right now. Then there will be nothing to suffer from.
But most of you hate the other person and suffer, giving reasons like, “He doesn’t love me,’ ‘He doesn’t understand me,’ or ‘He doesn’t help me.’ In fact, you don’t have to pray to anyone. You just need to change your perspective. The Buddha shows this by silently performing his daily activities in Chapter 1 of the Diamond Sutra. But the audience doesn’t understand, so Subhuti asks a question. The Buddha gives an answer in one sentence. But they don’t understand, so he adds explanations, which becomes the next chapter. They still don’t understand, so the Buddha adds more explanations. And the Diamond Sutra draws out.
Let me ask you again. If you like a flower, will the flower be happy or will you be happy?
Q: I’ll be happy.
P: You are right. If you ask, “Lord Buddha, what should I do to be happy?” The Buddha says, “Love the flower.” Is it right or wrong?
Q: It’s right.
P: Is it difficult or easy?
Q: It’s easy.
P: Do you need to make an effort to do it, or is it true?
Q: It’s true.
P: If you actually put this into practice, you will know. When you think: “Wow, this flower is beautiful,” you will feel good. You will experience this principle right away. So, the Buddha says:
“Come and see for yourself.”
It means his teaching is such that anybody can come and see. You just need to open your eyes to see it and there is no secret hidden in his closed fists. You can’t see it only because your eyes are closed. When you open your eyes, you can see it. But when you actually try to open your eyes, you will find that it is not easy. Why? Is it because opening your eyes is difficult? Or because you are addicted just as you are addicted to smoking?
Q: Because I am addicted.
P: You are right, you are addicted so it is difficult. Even if you can’t do it well, you don’t need to blame yourself. You just need to see yourself:
“I am addicted to smoking.”
“Hating has become a habit.
“Getting angry has become a habit.”
Out of habit, you hate, get angry, or complain that things are difficult without realizing it. You’ve formed these habits and lived accordingly. You need to break such habits. If you know that some food is harmful to your health, you shouldn’t eat it no matter how good it is.
Break away from the addicted life. Your addiction is not limited to one or two things. Being addicted to all kinds of things, including food, clothing, brand products, perfume, alcohol, smoking, cars, dwellings, people, appearances, and so forth, you live frantically so there is no end to it. Therefore, I’m telling you to let go of your addictions. You can be free from suffering only when you let go of your addictions.
Even if I tell you, “Come to your senses,” you say: “Sunim doesn’t understand the ways of the world. He says these because he is not married.” Therefore, I just answer your questions and don’t interfere in your life. I talk only when you ask questions. Today, you asked me a question, so I am obliged to give you an answer. And such a foolish question becomes a topic for this Dharma Q&A.
If there had been only smart people around the Buddha, he wouldn’t have had to give teachings. The Diamond Sutra came to exist because people didn’t understand and continued to ask questions. If they had been awakened immediately after watching the Buddha performing his daily activities as shown in Chapter 1, the sutra wouldn’t have existed. Owing to Subhuti’s questions, many people can hear the teachings today.
Q: Thank you. Now I understand.
